Not potty-trained at 3...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old son potty trained in 3 days when he was 3 years and 2 months. He had a pacifier til he was 3. He was a daycare baby and I let him CIO. Despite lessons he didn't get the hang of swimming until he was 6 and he started reading in first grade. Shocking bad parenting right!

This year he had straight As and was in the most advanced 7th grade math placement. He went to a foreign country by himself for a week on a school exchange trip and was the top scorer on his basketball team. He does his own laundry and bikes to school with a friend. He gets invited to parties, is a total sweetheart to his sister, makes me laugh every day and will earn his black belt soon. I have no idea when his friends lofty trained. You moms of little ones are so funny. In five years you will wonder why you got so worked up over minutiae.

But you didn't get your "my kid potty trained by 3 badge"... How could things work out so well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old son potty trained in 3 days when he was 3 years and 2 months. He had a pacifier til he was 3. He was a daycare baby and I let him CIO. Despite lessons he didn't get the hang of swimming until he was 6 and he started reading in first grade. Shocking bad parenting right!

This year he had straight As and was in the most advanced 7th grade math placement. He went to a foreign country by himself for a week on a school exchange trip and was the top scorer on his basketball team. He does his own laundry and bikes to school with a friend. He gets invited to parties, is a total sweetheart to his sister, makes me laugh every day and will earn his black belt soon. I have no idea when his friends lofty trained. You moms of little ones are so funny. In five years you will wonder why you got so worked up over minutiae.

Exactly!

Hey, OP, how long did it take you to become the perfect mom? How old are YOUR children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We potty-trained after age 3 (at about 3 years, 4 months) because we did a house move (with 6 weeks in temporary housing) and a school change at age 2.5. I didn't want to throw too much at my daughter all at once, so I was pretty relaxed about the whole potty-training thing. I potty-trained late too, and I'm a perfectly functional adult.

once we actually switched to underpants, she was trained in a week and has never had an accident. A lot of the kids I know who trained earlier had many accidents and weren't actually trained for a long time. what's the big deal about an extra six months in diapers? (and yes, my daughter was speaking in paragraphs at 17 months, so it might have been unsettling for folks to see her in diapers. Not my concern.)

At least this poster acknowledges that she trained late due to her own convenience. My point, and I am not OP, just a PP, is merely that your child did not determine to wait until after 3; you did. So, you should be comfortable with the fact that that says something about you as a parent. It just does. Just like if your child ran around in restaurants at 3, or any number of other behaviors that you might agree reflect on the parent. Potty training timing is, by and large, absent special needs, a parental decision. If you choose to wait until 3 or 3.5, expect people to notice. I am glad your child turned out fine if you waited. I am sure that the three year olds tripping waiters as they run around a restaurant will turn out fine, too. That doesn't mean people don't look askance at their parents for what's going on now. If you think it is terrible to judge, ok. I am sure you judge parents on other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it worked for your kids, great. But why must the world be modeled on your family? Whatever preschool you use, there is obviously more than enough alternatives that all the diapered 3-year old attend without difficulty. They aren't hard to find.

It need not be, but I am glad I did not have to select a preschool based on whether I was willing to potty train. If that worked for you as a narrowing factor, great.

I never thought of preschools as entities that have standards that I, a paying customer, have to meet. They are there to serve me. Not the other way round. It never occurred to me that my children have to be anything to use a preschool, and they don't.

Would you go to a preschool that was diapering 5 year olds? Why not?

[Anonymous]

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For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

I think generally it is the parents who foster anxiety and behavior that is behind most other children by seizing on it and encouraging it, instead of dealing with it in a way that allows the child to cope and overcome obstacles. I generally think late potty training is a parenting issue. I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations. I am sure most people on this board will disagree and say that their child "just wasn't ready" to use a toilet until 3.5, or swim underwater until 5, etc. I am saying that I believe these instances are the result of parenting/nurture and not nature (expect in extreme circumstances like special needs). I understand that makes people defensive.

Oh my goodness. Well, DS potty trained just shy of 2, easily. He's extremely articulate and does a ton of things well, but he's not an adventurer. By your standards he's a victim of anxious parenting, because we don't force him, at 3.5 to put his face in the water (and I'm an all-American swimmer, full college scholarship, and lifeguard for years, and I didn't put MY face into the water until well after 5 years old, incidentally) nor do we push him hard into things that scare him (though we do gently encourage) I just think your post is laughable. It goes to show what snap judgments are good for. I'm not defensive at all. I really don't care what some person, who doesn't seem terribly bright, thinks about my kids or my parenting.

Your post does not change my opinion that the reason your child will not jump into the pool from the edge is because of something you are doing. Regardless of whether it's a bad thing or not, you should take responsibility. This is another area where kids start getting embarrassed around 3.5/4 when their peers can swim. 5 is ridiculous.

You don't seem to understand how little I care about your opinion on my parenting. With every post you seem more like a loon. I do think you're probably just trolling, as I find it hard to believe anyone would be so adamant about their idiotic opinions. Save it for someone who cares about what you have to say? (Guessing nobody in real life does...)

All I am saying is that parents should take responsibility. My child used a sippy cup at home until age 4, which I think is way too long. I fully acknowledge that it was because I allowed it, and not because she was not "showing signs of readiness" to give it up. She probably would have drunk from that thing on the couch happily until 4th grade. It was my job as her mother to throw it away. So, I take full responsibility. If someone else had been in charge, maybe she would have given it up at age 2. JUST LIKE IF I WERE IN CHARGE, YOUR KID WOULD BE POTTY TRAINED WELL BEFORE THREE. I am saying your kid is fine and was ready at 2. IT'S YOU, and YOUR DECISION to wait. If you feel ok about that, great. But STOP BLAMING IT ON YOUR KID.

Hey dumbass, my kid was potty trained at 22 months. Try to remember what you're sniping at people for. You're hating on me because my 3.5 year old can't swim yet.

LOL

Look, do whatever you want, but your kid can't swim yet because of decisions you are making, not anything to do with your kid. If swimming is not a priority, fine, but most kids can do it by 3 if someone takes the time to teach them--kinda like potty training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We potty-trained after age 3 (at about 3 years, 4 months) because we did a house move (with 6 weeks in temporary housing) and a school change at age 2.5. I didn't want to throw too much at my daughter all at once, so I was pretty relaxed about the whole potty-training thing. I potty-trained late too, and I'm a perfectly functional adult.

once we actually switched to underpants, she was trained in a week and has never had an accident. A lot of the kids I know who trained earlier had many accidents and weren't actually trained for a long time. what's the big deal about an extra six months in diapers? (and yes, my daughter was speaking in paragraphs at 17 months, so it might have been unsettling for folks to see her in diapers. Not my concern.)

At least this poster acknowledges that she trained late due to her own convenience. My point, and I am not OP, just a PP, is merely that your child did not determine to wait until after 3; you did. So, you should be comfortable with the fact that that says something about you as a parent. It just does. Just like if your child ran around in restaurants at 3, or any number of other behaviors that you might agree reflect on the parent. Potty training timing is, by and large, absent special needs, a parental decision. If you choose to wait until 3 or 3.5, expect people to notice. I am glad your child turned out fine if you waited. I am sure that the three year olds tripping waiters as they run around a restaurant will turn out fine, too. That doesn't mean people don't look askance at their parents for what's going on now. If you think it is terrible to judge, ok. I am sure you judge parents on other issues.

I think you have massive delusions regarding the importance of your approval for other people. Who cares if people look askance? Who cares if they notice? You and your ilk keep bringing up your feelings of surprise and disapproval at playgrounds etc. like anyone cares. I'm not raising my child to gain validation points from perfect strangers.

Another thing you and your toilet training clubmates lack is the ability to find truly suitable comparisons. A 3-year old running 'round in restaurants is a hazard to waiters and other diners. A 3-year in diapers endangers no one. His diaper isn't going to jump out of his pants to rub itself on your face. It sits on his bum quietly and unassumingly, doing its job and minding its business. You should, too.

Potty training timing is no more a parental decision than it is a parental decision to give food to a child. You can put him in his high chair and fasten his bib and waive a spoon by his mouth. If he ain't ready, the food ain't going in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Look, do whatever you want, but your kid can't swim yet because of decisions you are making, not anything to do with your kid. If swimming is not a priority, fine, but most kids can do it by 3 if someone takes the time to teach them--kinda like potty training.

You have a weird list of totally arbitrary milestones you expect a 3-year old to make. We have a limited amount of time in our day. I can't possibly put it into ALL the things a 3-year old should be able to do. Can he ride a horse? Speak perfect French? Make a medium-rare steak? He could, if you take the time to teach him! You're a lazy parent for not doing it!

[Anonymous]

You say lazy parent like its a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

staedr to train my almost 3.5 year old at 2 and 4 months (baby sister arrived at 24 months so we waited a bit). 13 months later we are still in training b/c DS refuses to poop.. I have tried pretty much everything including taking a full week off work to train. At first, DS had a hard time recognizing the feeling of needing to poop, but then DS also a very strong phobia against pooping in the potty and all the training put huge pressure on him. he would hold in stools until he got badly constipated and it was a vicious circle. Pediatrician's advice was to drop it for a while, we did, and recently started again. I was overjoyed when he finally pooped in the bathroom at starbucks the other day, and hope we are headed in the right direction, but man, it's been a long, hard road and we're still on it.

in all other ways, DS is fine--very adventurous, physically adept, good eater, traveler, etc. this was just tough. and we are not lazy parents. between full time work and child care, we have no time to be lazy. we are not perfect, but the idea that we had control over our son's potty training was just false, as we learned. like so many other things about parenting....our two kids could not be more different, temperament wise, and it has very little to do with our parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:staedr to train my almost 3.5 year old at 2 and 4 months (baby sister arrived at 24 months so we waited a bit). 13 months later we are still in training b/c DS refuses to poop.. I have tried pretty much everything including taking a full week off work to train. At first, DS had a hard time recognizing the feeling of needing to poop, but then DS also a very strong phobia against pooping in the potty and all the training put huge pressure on him. he would hold in stools until he got badly constipated and it was a vicious circle. Pediatrician's advice was to drop it for a while, we did, and recently started again. I was overjoyed when he finally pooped in the bathroom at starbucks the other day, and hope we are headed in the right direction, but man, it's been a long, hard road and we're still on it.

in all other ways, DS is fine--very adventurous, physically adept, good eater, traveler, etc. this was just tough. and we are not lazy parents. between full time work and child care, we have no time to be lazy. we are not perfect, but the idea that we had control over our son's potty training was just false, as we learned. like so many other things about parenting....our two kids could not be more different, temperament wise, and it has very little to do with our parenting.

This is like us too- I have a 3 year, 2 month old son who refuses to poop in the potty. He's been pee-trained since 2.5, but for some reason, will simply not poop in the potty. He also would hold it in and become constipated, and trying to drag him to sit on the toilet turns into a huge power struggle with a ton of hysterical screaming and crying. The only way to make him sit is to forcibly hold him down, and I can't believe anyone would advocate doing that.

I also have a 5 year old who poop and pee trained at 2.5 so it's not like I am completely uninitiated in the potty training world. If you someone thinks this makes my 3 year old "special needs," then so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, my q for OP-- do your relatives even have a little potty or potty seat/step stool? If you've already potty trained your kids, I don't think it would be out of line to ask if they need any of this kind of stuff...at this age, I bet she could start doing it herself in a day with some super-fun stickers to decorate her potty and a fun aunt by her side, barring developmental issues you aren't aware of.

OP here. I have never seen any kind of training tools at their house. I appreciate your suggestion but am admittedly afraid to take the law into my own hands. I was recently excited when they got rid of a changing station they kept in the family room. Just as I was about to ask if it meant what I thought it meant, my SIL told me my niece physically outgrew it. That is the closest I have come to a substantive conversation about it.

Huh. It's just really foreign to me that people wouldn't even TRY to potty train their daughter before 3. Does she do all her regular well-child visits? I'd think most pediatricians would note a 3 yr old still in diapers and ask about it...

I know a lot of people are saying this is completely normal and that OP is a busybody, but this does seem odd to me. Sounds like you don't think you can do anything about it, though, OP, so I guess that's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ so at 3 years old, the saint we had for a preschool teacher taught them. Twins. Ouch.

Our daycare potty-trains and has been doing it since he was 14 months. And still nothing. They tell me he's ready and I concur. When it happens, it happens.

It happens when you get rid of the diapers. That's the problem, while the kids are still wearing diapers unless they are MUCH older they WILL NOT potty train. Get rid of the diapers and take a weekend off and your kid will be trained.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of the diapers and take a weekend off and your kid will be trained

06:28 here. you're welcome to try that with our kid! a weekend was nothing--when I had a seven day stretch, he wouldn't poop for 5 days and then pooped in his underwear. fun times.

but, for most kids, that is enough. I suspect my daughter will be ready around 2, and I will train her as soon as she exhibits signs of readiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We potty-trained after age 3 (at about 3 years, 4 months) because we did a house move (with 6 weeks in temporary housing) and a school change at age 2.5. I didn't want to throw too much at my daughter all at once, so I was pretty relaxed about the whole potty-training thing. I potty-trained late too, and I'm a perfectly functional adult.

once we actually switched to underpants, she was trained in a week and has never had an accident. A lot of the kids I know who trained earlier had many accidents and weren't actually trained for a long time. what's the big deal about an extra six months in diapers? (and yes, my daughter was speaking in paragraphs at 17 months, so it might have been unsettling for folks to see her in diapers. Not my concern.)

For many of us we're talking about an extra 18 months in diapers, not another 6 months. Once my kid was trained 18 months earlier than yours we had zero accidents and NO MORE DIAPERS! Wonderful! I can't imagine having continued to use diapers for another year and a half.

[Anonymous]

This is such a silly first time mom thing. Who has the time to worry about where other people's children pee? It is a really silly thing to pat yourself on the back about. Your child peeing in a designated receptable does not put you in the running for Parent of the Year.

(I wouldn't send any of my children to a preschool that requires potty-training by a certain age, because it shows a rigidity of thinking and ignorance of developmental variance that reflects poorly on the rest of their program & practices.)

We have been to several great local preschools and none of them have pushed or required potty training by a certain age.