Not potty-trained at 3...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

[Anonymous]

most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five.

I hope to God this will not be me. DS has been day trained since age 2 and 4 months, but he is 4.5 and still pees himself at night regularly. We've tried several different things, and nothing works. His pediatrician told us to put a pullup on him at night, which we did, but I fear it is making things worse because I have caught him peeing in it while still awake (I have a super sensitive nose). It is so disheartening and disappointing for me to see him choose to pee in a pullup after being trained for years. It just makes no sense to me, because he would die of shame if he wore and peed in a pullup during the day, but at night, he has no qualms about it at all. Accidents while sleeping are one thing, being to lazy to get up and go into the bathroom while awake is an entirely different thing. I am considering letting him go back to wetting the sheets again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

[Anonymous]

For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

I think generally it is the parents who foster anxiety and behavior that is behind most other children by seizing on it and encouraging it, instead of dealing with it in a way that allows the child to cope and overcome obstacles. I generally think late potty training is a parenting issue. I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations. I am sure most people on this board will disagree and say that their child "just wasn't ready" to use a toilet until 3.5, or swim underwater until 5, etc. I am saying that I believe these instances are the result of parenting/nurture and not nature (expect in extreme circumstances like special needs). I understand that makes people defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five.

I hope to God this will not be me. DS has been day trained since age 2 and 4 months, but he is 4.5 and still pees himself at night regularly. We've tried several different things, and nothing works. His pediatrician told us to put a pullup on him at night, which we did, but I fear it is making things worse because I have caught him peeing in it while still awake (I have a super sensitive nose). It is so disheartening and disappointing for me to see him choose to pee in a pullup after being trained for years. It just makes no sense to me, because he would die of shame if he wore and peed in a pullup during the day, but at night, he has no qualms about it at all. Accidents while sleeping are one thing, being to lazy to get up and go into the bathroom while awake is an entirely different thing. I am considering letting him go back to wetting the sheets again.

It only takes a week. Take him in the middle of the night (before you go to bed). Otherwise, yes, you are right, the pull-up makes them pee (I don't think it is intentional; I think the sensation of the diaper tells their brain it is ok). It will be over soon if you push through and don't look back. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

Exactly. Welcome to modern American-style parenting.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I find these roundabout questions coupled with OPs who argue with everyone annoying. OP, you are not asking if it's normal to not be potty-trained at 3. You are saying you have specific concerns about your niece and that her parents are holding back her development and causing her embarrassment by not allowing her to use the potty. In that case, say something, gently and with humility of course. I'm not sure why you are posting this if you also point out that there's no way you'll mention anything to the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

So my DS learned to swim at 4, was winning ribbons for the swim team at 8, ran for the length of two fields before he turned to look for me at 2, preferred to eat sushi and fresh fruit over all other foods by 4, plays soccer on a high level travel team, and was elected to an all-school position last year. He also toilet-trained at 3.5. Does he have confidence issues I don't know about? Am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

you are so overreacting it's crazy. 3 is not a big deal (mine is 2 weeks shy of 3 and JUST NOW is potty trained though we started at 21/2. We could have just waited till 3, imo, and done no sticker charts or endless conversations about it).

I really doubt she is asking her parents to use the potty and her parents are saying "no, go in your diaper." But even if this is what is happening, she is not going to be damaged by this nor is this a problem. And if neighborhood kids are the kind to tease one another about things, then she need not be around them. I would never let my kids hand around kids that call mock others.

Chill out. You've been told this one million times in this thread. We can't all be wrong and you right? Sounds like you have other issues with the girls parents and are using this as a way to articulate those issues that have nothing to do with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

so laughable. I am not this kind of parent at all and my kid potty trained late. It really does depend on the kid. I know it is a comforting fantasy that you can create or mold your kids in certain ways, but they are their own little people and would turn out much the way they would turn out even of they were raised in a different family (twin adoption studies show this). Enjoy your kids, enjoy your family. Love them. But don't delude yourself that you can mold them one way or another. Small influences is all we bring, and that mostly through modeling not through direct interaction with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

I think that you're super judgmental, and if your kids give children in diapers a funny look, then they definitely inherited this trait from you. Perhaps you should look into this.

You have no idea, no idea at all who are the kids who potty train late. You have zero evidence, other than your own judgment, about their eating habits, playground behavior, swimming style etc. You're just making stuff up to beef up your argument. You also have zero information on how they will make friends later in life. The same BS.

And if a diaper on a 3-year old is the "biggest" red flag a parent can throw up, you've clearly never seen a parent hitting, yelling, screaming or abusing their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

I think generally it is the parents who foster anxiety and behavior that is behind most other children by seizing on it and encouraging it, instead of dealing with it in a way that allows the child to cope and overcome obstacles. I generally think late potty training is a parenting issue. I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations. I am sure most people on this board will disagree and say that their child "just wasn't ready" to use a toilet until 3.5, or swim underwater until 5, etc. I am saying that I believe these instances are the result of parenting/nurture and not nature (expect in extreme circumstances like special needs). I understand that makes people defensive.

I know it is a comforting fantasy that you can create or mold your kids in certain ways, but they are their own little people and would turn out much the way they would turn out even of they were raised in a different family (twin adoption studies show this). Enjoy your kids, enjoy your family. Love them. But don't delude yourself that you can mold them one way or another.

[Anonymous]

I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations.

My kid toilet trained early, and do many self-care activities early but is often highly anxious - he's afraid of rides, heights, swimming etc. We encourage DS to try things, but if a kid is standing on the monkey bars crying and screaming that he's scared, or screaming and crying through every swim class, it isn't accomplishing much and it makes him look silly in front of other kids. We saw a child psychologist, who advised that we keep encouraging him to do new things, and that as peer pressure kicks in more, he likely will. There's really not that much more we can do for him. Either he will overcome this anxiety, or he won't, and will have to accept the consequences of not being involved in activities that many of his peers enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross and weird. But just avoid. Anyone who waits until their kid is three to start potty training is probably pretty annoying with respect to most aspects of parenting. I really just think that it shows very little respect for your child as a person to not teach him/her to do things that are developmentally appropriate.

I completely agree. I'm kind of shocked at all of the people who didn't start until 3. Again, this isn't just a personal opinion; most experts say kids really should be potty trained by 3.