Is it wrong to tell a child they were a surprise/accident? What about unwanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people I know who have had abortions, did so when they were married, and after they already had kids.

I have heard statistics that nationwide, the same circumstances also comprise the majority of all terminated pregnancies.

My mom had an abortion after she was married. They were recently married and in their early 20s, and my mom was alternately on and off birth control because of a medical condition. I am sure they tried to be careful, but she got pregnant, and they didn't think they wanted kids -- plus she was working to put my dad through medical school. She had an abortion. Then, in their late 20s, they decided they did want kids, and it took another six years for her to get pregnant with me. I knew when I was growing up about her difficulties getting pregnant and her difficulty using birth control -- she made sure to mention both to me in case I had similar problems. But I never knew until my thirties that there had been another pregnancy before me, that was aborted. It didn't change anything, except add some nuance to the stories of conception and birth that I already knew for me and my younger sister. I confess I did mull over the idea for a few days that I could have been the middle or younger sibling, not the oldest, and that if she'd kept the first pregnancy, my younger sister might never have been born. Strange thoughts. But in the end it makes no real difference. It did perhaps explain some of the vehemence of my mom's pro-choice stance. It isn't just a concept for her, it's something she had personal experience with. She told me she didn't regret her choice in the least and I believe her. My sister and I were much wanted and loved, and in the end everyone has to do what's right for themselves, anyway.