Is it wrong to tell a child they were a surprise/accident? What about unwanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the consequences of separating sex and procreation.

There should not even be a concept of "oops," or "mistakes," or "accidents." The idea should be that if you have sex, you might have a child.

Humanae Vitae spoke the truth.

Ha ha, good one. I can't picture any child more miserably unwanted than number 8 coming 14 months after number 7 to a mother with not recourse other than the rythym method ... If you think humanae vitae says anything helpful about how real people live in the real world, you are deluded.

[Anonymous]

Oh, dear-we're really going to start arguing religion now?

Most people who attend church use birth control, even those whose churches are against it.

Kids are expensive little suckers. It's just a fact.

[Anonymous]

Huh. My mother told me that when she found out she was pregnant with me, she scheduled an abortion. Then she said my father camped outside of her door night and day, begging her not to have the abortion. Obviously she didn't do it. She said that she loved me from the moment I was born, and always wanted me after that.

She said that she told me because other people in the family knew all of this, and she never wanted them to be able to throw this in my face.

[Anonymous]

The possible abortion posters-were your parents married? I'm assuming most of the teen pregnancy ones were not, but this last one made me wonder.

I don't know that I would choose an abortion if I was married (save medical reasons). That is just me personally.

[Anonymous]

It is a running joke in my family that my grandma was not planning to have another baby. But... She went to the bahamas in the late 60's met an awesome guy... And came back pregnant.

My mom was the youngest and the prior child (my uncle) had just left for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the consequences of separating sex and procreation.

There should not even be a concept of "oops," or "mistakes," or "accidents." The idea should be that if you have sex, you might have a child.

Humanae Vitae spoke the truth.

Actually, this is only true if you (believe you) are fertile, otherwise people both with severe fertility issues, can reasonably expect to have sex and not get pregnant (and not use birth control either).

[Anonymous]

I had three kids in three years (the last at age 40). The third one definitely unplanned. I was taking the mini-pill and still BFing at the time. Even though the oldest is only 10, they all know that we didn't plan the youngest but that doesn't mean he was unwanted. They know that he was the 'best' baby. He didn't cry much, he was happy just hanging out with us. He's very proud of that fact. I am quite confident that he feels no negative feelings about being unplanned. He's much loved.

[Anonymous]

I am one of three, we were all accidents and the first two were initially unwanted (parents were married and better off financially when number 3 came along). We were all different kinds of accidents. I grew up feeling very loved and never questioned the significance of how I came to be. Truly, it was a non-issue. My parents were responsible in most important ways, oblivious in some others and they were (are) generally doing the best they can. My children were very planned. In some ways, that is harder to discuss the details of.

[Anonymous]

WTF do you think... tell a kid they were "unwanted"? are you thinking of repeating something your parents did to you or such? that's really sick (not in a good way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents really wanted and planned my older sister, and I was an Oops. I wish they hadn't told me that. They also have 10,000 baby pictures of her, and 3 of me. However, in all other ways they have treated us fairly and loved us equally. I wouldn't tell my kid that he/she was unplanned (unless I was 17 when the kid was born).

+1. I always felt loved, but when another relative let it slip that I was an "oops," I thought "Well, that makes sense."

[Anonymous]

I think if your kid can do basic math by the age of 13 and realize that you were 15 when he/she were born, they know rhey were "unplanned"

[Anonymous]

At some point, I imagine it'll come up that my daughter was an unplanned surprise. She's 4 and already knows that her dad and I were never married, so I assume at some point she will ask. I figure it might be a good discussion to have around the time she starts having sex - a reminder that even though you think you're being "safe" with your boyfriend, sometimes that isn't safe enough, and that while an unplanned pregnancy is not a tragedy at 35, it would be at 15 or 20.

She was very much wanted, though, so hopefully i can convey that properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The possible abortion posters-were your parents married? I'm assuming most of the teen pregnancy ones were not, but this last one made me wonder.

I don't know that I would choose an abortion if I was married (save medical reasons). That is just me personally.

Mine weren't married. They were in college, not technical "teen" pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

Most of the people I know who have had abortions, did so when they were married, and after they already had kids.

I have heard statistics that nationwide, the same circumstances also comprise the majority of all terminated pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people I know who have had abortions, did so when they were married, and after they already had kids.

I have heard statistics that nationwide, the same circumstances also comprise the majority of all terminated pregnancies.

I've heard that, as well, and it always makes me wonder if the reasoning is the same. If I accidentally got pregnant within a stable marriage, we'd figure out a way to make it work. However, terminations for medical purposes are still abortions. I know plenty of people who have gone through that, but it is a somewhat different reason/process.