splitting costs w/ spouse - we earn very different amounts
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Anonymous
This is my reaction as well. |
Anonymous
Oy ... this sounds like the judgmental know-it-all from a similar previous thread who assumes anyone who doesn't do as she does (throw it all in a pot and let DH pay the bills) is a conniving, heartless, soulless business-minded spouse planning the imminent split... presumptuous, self-satisfied, arrogant, and controlling (can't imagine others doing things in a different way that works for them could also be based in trust & love -- sad). Just oy ... 
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Anonymous
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My DH makes a little more than 20x what I make. I had to get a calculator out to confirm that and I was surprised, but there it is. We have been married about 10 years and when we got married the ratio was about 5:1 in his favor. My income has stayed largely the same and his has gone up substantially. When we first started living together (pre-marriage) we split everything 50/50. I insisted on this because I didn't want to feel like a kept woman. This meant that we lived farther out and rented a small apartment. Shortly before we got married, he inherited some money that we used for a downpayment for a house. There was no way that I could afford 1/2 of the mortgage on our house, but it seemed silly to insist that we live inconveniently just so we could maintain a 50/50 split. We have since gone to a system where his paycheck is deposited into a joint account and all bills are paid from that. We both max out our retirement benefits through work and we save the rest of my entire salary into extra retirement/college savings accounts that we share or are for the kid's education. Some of the money from our joint account is also taken out every month for extra savings.
I have to say that with an income gap of 20:1, you have to be making quite a bit of money jointly, so I am not sure why you both are so hung up on a 50/50 split. There is no way that my husband, who works really hard for his considerable income, would want to live the lifestyle that I can afford 1/2 of on a non-profit salary. I would talk to your husband. If you are currently enjoying your lifestyle and don't need anything more AND he is saving his extra money into savings vehicles that are for retirement/kid's education and that you are the primary beneficiary of if he were to die, you probably don't have anything to worry about in reality and what you might want to talk to him about is a change in semantics. Ask him: "Why do you consider our money so separate when, in fact, it is in joint savings for retirement purposes?" or "If we stopped using the language of 50/50 could we be making smarter financial choices with our investment income for the future?" or "Have our financial planning decisions kept up with the realities of our retirement needs and the way that we want our money organized for inheritance purposes?" Anyone in your income bracket should be having annual, and probably bi-annual, sit down meetings with your financial planner to talk about your assets and investments. Before one of these meetings might be a good time to talk with your husband. If you are not having these meetings, suggest to your husband that it is time to start since you are getting closer to retirement. |
Anonymous
you summed it up! |
Anonymous
| Suze Orman has alot of information on this topic. This is why she recommends splitting according to percentages. So in your husband's case he'd be paying the vast majority of expenses. |
Anonymous
Just to be clear, the "presumptuous, self-satisfied, arrogant, and controlling" part refers to the judgmental poster, not to the couple who doesn't just do as she does and says we all must...  
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Anonymous
Agree 1000% |
Anonymous
| It's one thing to split expenses if your incomes are roughly close to one another, but I can't fathom splitting expenses when one spouse makes $800K or more (which OP's husband must, as I can't imagine she herself makes less than $40K). Even if you don't live commensurate with the higher salary, there is a LOT of middle ground there. Our HHI is around $180K. If we started making $800K or more we wouldn't spend all of it, but certainly our lifestyles would change significantly. I have to admit that I would resent my DH for keeping such a huge amount of money to himself without sharing it with me, not because I want a BMW and diamonds, but because it can make life so much easier and less stressful. I'm so glad I'm in a marriage where we keep each otjwr's best interests at heart. It doesn't sound like OP is in that situation and that's a shame. |
Anonymous
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My wife and I have pooled money from the start. I was making good money while she was finishing grad school and making nothing, and now she probably makes 30% more than I do. I view marriage as a partnership, and pooling the financial resources makes sense for us. Of course we both make good salaries so that probably mitigates any possible issues some. This has been working for 20 years.
It just doesn't seem at all reasonable that his share of the household expenses are the same as yours if he makes so much more money. Personally I think you should split based on the relative size of the salaries; I.e. he would pick up 90% of the costs or so. If he really makes 20x what you're making, even if you're making minimum wage that's pretty good money. |
Anonymous
Ummm..where do you get the nickle and diming part of this? |
Anonymous
Ummm, the part where the guy makes twenty times his wife's salary and splits expenses? |
Anonymous
Addressing this would be a wonderful way of inaugurating the next 25 years. Doesn't the pre-nup have an end date? I mean, I can understand a cautious start, but you guys are 25 years in. It doesn't reflect well at this point however prudent/reasonable it may have been in the beginning. |
Anonymous
| Prenups have end dates? |
Anonymous
Ummmm. I don't think nickles and dimes are relevant. |
Anonymous
Um, he makes a million bucks a year. She makes $50k. He makes her pay half of household expenses. If this isn't nickle and diming, I don't know what is. It's the strangest arrangement I've ever heard of. Seriously. So he is banking millions but because he wants her to pay her half, they live the lifestyle of a couple making $100k? SO, SO WEIRD and dysfunctional. Can't wait for retirement when he is off jet setting with a girlfriend and she is home still working away to pay for the necessities of daily living. I'm all for splitting expenses but this specific situation is just beyond weird. |