Teacher's note on homework: "What a mess. Are you proud of this?"

[Anonymous]

My DC would find this crushing (here's to the inevitable little precious snowflake cracks). She did get a comment like this from a teacher that did not know her well and didn't realize it WAS her best work. She is bright, verbal, but has reading and writing issues. With classes so large I would bet money kids who need extra intervention and patience and probably haven't been thoroughly identified get feedback like that, and it sets up a hugely negative attitude to school and learning. My husband's childhood report cards were full of "lazy, unorganized, does not work up to potential." Really? I can tell you lazy was never the problem. But it's easier to call it that than figure out a kid who's atypical in any way.

The homework load at so many schools is ridiculous. I have started sending back extra work that says "she worked X productive minutes on this and can complete it another night if needed."

[Anonymous]

The homework load at so many schools is ridiculous. I have started sending back extra work that says "she worked X productive minutes on this and can complete it another night if needed."

Good grief. You are well on your way to being one of the parents that college professors are now complaining about. At some point your child has to learn to buck and deal with what he or she is given--even if it seems excessive or unfair. I can't imagine telling an employer that enough productive minutes have been completed. IMHO, parents like you are not doing your children any long-term favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not think this note was shaming, unless the child is not capable of neater work. The teacher asks a great question: Are you proud of this? To me, that's the standard for a good student, for good study skills and habits. OP, was your child proud of this? Of course not. Really folks, the world is a tough place, let's not coddle a child who doesn't do his/her best work and gets called out for it.

+1000

This hits home for me because my child has problems with handwriting (and was in OT for several years). We've had something very similar happen. The teacher was not the homeroom teacher and I guess didn't know that DC physically was not capable of doing it neater. It's very disheartening for a child that actually is doing his/her best. If a teacher is going to do this s/he better be damn sure the child doesn't have a handwriting issue.

In our case, what made it worse was that even after the teacher was made aware of DC's issues, she kept commenting about handwriting. Very frustrating!

[Anonymous]

20:47 - what you miss is that my kid is LD and can't do what they ask without it taking MUCH MUCH longer than an average kid so we prioritize, (and that's no surprise to the teacher.) I think the teacher needs to know, too, when the works takes much longer than they intend. If it's really important, she'll work more on it the second night. And yes, if she goes to college she'll have to take a lighter course load and try to balance the type of classes so she can allow enough time if her reading and writing takes her so much longer than a typical person. But in elementary school thinking that learning is a torturous event is about the last thing I want. But I realize there are people who thinks it's fine if my kid needs almost an hour to do something that takes another kid 10 minutes. Instead, she'll spend the time school says is the homework target (real time, not running for snacks and sharpening pencils) and we're done for the evening unless it's something extraordinary like a project.

[Anonymous]

By the way, if your child indeed has dysgraphia or other writing problems, get them set up in an old-fashioned typing (now called keyboarding) class during the summer. I searched high and low for one and found one at Landon. Both kids did it several weeks over several summers. They are now both speed typists - and since most schools are "coming around" and now allowing laptops in class, your child can avoid this problem in the future if they are fluent in the QWERTY style and not hunt and pecking.

[Anonymous]

oh yes, we're definitely headed there. Her current keyboarding teacher isn't so great...and she's having some sort of trouble reading easily on a screen? As we go I think she'll find a font that works for her better. School just started her on a pen computer for notetaking. I see this as a time for her to learn what tools she needs to make her work more efficient and independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC would find this crushing (here's to the inevitable little precious snowflake cracks). She did get a comment like this from a teacher that did not know her well and didn't realize it WAS her best work. She is bright, verbal, but has reading and writing issues. With classes so large I would bet money kids who need extra intervention and patience and probably haven't been thoroughly identified get feedback like that, and it sets up a hugely negative attitude to school and learning. My husband's childhood report cards were full of "lazy, unorganized, does not work up to potential." Really? I can tell you lazy was never the problem. But it's easier to call it that than figure out a kid who's atypical in any way.

The homework load at so many schools is ridiculous. I have started sending back extra work that says "she worked X productive minutes on this and can complete it another night if needed."

You are missing the point. If the teacher is aware that a student has reading/writing issues, s/he is unlikely to call them out for poor reading/writing. Clearly, if the student has shown that they can write well, but puts in low effort, it is a different situation. I would like my child called out for such a thing. This is a third grader! How long do you think that false pretenses about the quality of work should go on? 6th grade? 10th grade? College?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The homework load at so many schools is ridiculous. I have started sending back extra work that says "she worked X productive minutes on this and can complete it another night if needed."

Good grief. You are well on your way to being one of the parents that college professors are now complaining about. At some point your child has to learn to buck and deal with what he or she is given--even if it seems excessive or unfair. I can't imagine telling an employer that enough productive minutes have been completed. IMHO, parents like you are not doing your children any long-term favors.

I'm not the quoted poster, but would just like to note an interesting experience I had when my DD was in 5th grade. One of her classmates was her teacher's son (he was in another section). The 5th-grade teachers were all seasoned vets and my DD's teacher was one of the best teachers my kids have ever had (I have 3, all now in HS and college, so that's saying a lot.)

At the beginning of the schoolyear, many 5th-grade parents -- from all 3 sections of the grade -- commented among ourselves that the HW load was quite heavy, but nobody seemed to want to complain and be the PITA parent. Then, over the next few weeks HW lightened to a manageable amount. When parent-teacher conference time came around, I mentioned to my daughter's teacher how much I appreciated the teachers' recognition that an adjustment was needed. "Yes," she said, "this is the first time one of us has had a child in 5th grade."

BTW, as for handwriting, yes, parents should address the problem, whether it stems from the child's attitude, lack of time, an OT weakness, or all of the above, but let's not make too much of it. My middle son, a college freshman, has handwriting that looks like a 4th-grader's work. Wait, I should say his handwriting looks like that of a 4th-grader with really bad writing. We did all we could to address the problem to no avail. He's now a college freshman and just made the Dean's List at a top 5 US News school.

[Anonymous]

What a lazy teacher. This board is so pro teacher that posters will defend anything a teacher says.

[Anonymous]

OP says nothing about the child being LD, needing OT or any other pervasive reason for this messy paper. Of course there are kids not capable of neat work but this diesnt sound like that. It is 4+ months into the school year and, from OPs message, this appears to be the first time teacher has commented on it. Presumably by now the teacher knows what this child is capable of.

To me it sounds like a one-time deal. The assignment was uncharacteristically messy. The teacher commented. Parent didn't like the tone. Fine. Write a comment back. But also have a conversation with your child about pride in work and what they should be doing to best represent themselves to their teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also a teacher and the comment is not appropriate. It's entirely appropriate to point out to a child that his/her work is too messy. I've done it many times. This was not the way to do it. It's not hard to write, "Your handwriting on this worksheet was very messy. It was very difficult for me to grade. Next time, please work on writing more neatly!"

Put yourself in the child's shoes. Would you want your boss to write you a note with that tone? I wouldn't. Critical feedback is necessary-- but do it respectfully.

Exactly what I was thinking. Could you imagine this from a managing partner to a newly hired junior associate? Time to circulate the resume could be right around the corner.

You must not be (and have never been) either a managing partner or a newly hired junior associate.

[Anonymous]

Wow as a teacher i am shocked that a parent would not be upset. I believe the teacher could have addressed the child and called the parent without that note. My principal would have been furious with me. I hope u address this issue with your daughter but with the teacher as well. If other parents allow her to do it fine but you should let her know quick. Not this child. You are your childs advocate and i do not think it is cuddling i think it is respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the teacher is seeing a noticeable decline in the care that the child is putting into schoolwork and is trying to nip something in the bud. 3rd grade is about when sloppy habits start. Kids are proficient enough that they can work quickly but are not yet doing heavy-duty studying that will come in the upper grades so sometimes things are just easy to rush through.

I would expect a teacher to call out a student for inappropriate behavior so why not inappropriate care in doing work? Even if there is a reason the child didn't do it as well as expected (like PP said, was too rushed one night) a good life lesson says you still need to own the consequences. Otherwise reasons become excuses.

Coaches are also people who are often blunt in their comments to motivate or call out kids who are not doing their best. Most kids have heard tough love comments before.

The comment probably could have been worded a bit differently but I don't think the sentiment is all that bad.

My kid is in first, not third. Excuse my errors in my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the teacher is seeing a noticeable decline in the care that the child is putting into schoolwork and is trying to nip something in the bud. 3rd grade is about when sloppy habits start. Kids are proficient enough that they can work quickly but are not yet doing heavy-duty studying that will come in the upper grades so sometimes things are just easy to rush through.

I would expect a teacher to call out a student for inappropriate behavior so why not inappropriate care in doing work? Even if there is a reason the child didn't do it as well as expected (like PP said, was too rushed one night) a good life lesson says you still need to own the consequences. Otherwise reasons become excuses.

Coaches are also people who are often blunt in their comments to motivate or call out kids who are not doing their best. Most kids have heard tough love comments before.

The comment probably could have been worded a bit differently but I don't think the sentiment is all that bad.

Also, a coach told us that we should not start our kids in sports too earlier because kids become to discourage by coaches too early. That we will meet a coach who will be to negative and make our child give up on a sport that they care about way too soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow as a teacher i am shocked that a parent would not be upset. I believe the teacher could have addressed the child and called the parent without that note. My principal would have been furious with me. I hope u address this issue with your daughter but with the teacher as well. If other parents allow her to do it fine but you should let her know quick. Not this child. You are your childs advocate and i do not think it is cuddling i think it is respect.

OMG. You are one of those teachers who, at PT meetings, tells ALL parents "I love your child. Your child is brilliant, your child is wonderful, we love having your child here" and parents leave with nothing learned and a waste of their time. What do you teach, writing "childs advocate" and "cuddling"?? Do you mean child's advocate, and coddling?