Teacher's note on homework: "What a mess. Are you proud of this?"

[Anonymous]

The problem with the comment, as I see it, is that it doesn't give the child concrete information about what she did wrong and how she could have done better. I'd have preferred: "This was messy/difficult to read. Could you have done better?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are completely overreacting here. For what it is worth, I have a 3rd grader and a 6th grader in a DC private right now.

This is not "shaming" IMO it is merely pointing out the issue and asking her to think about how her work looks. That is a good thing. It is also very private: not spoken, not written on anything anyone else would see, so pretty low key and not overly aggressive. Children need to learn that the visual part of work matters, not just that it is correct.

I bet this "DC private" you speak of ^^ is technically a K-8 parochial school that is not Blessed Sacrament. Right? One of the low-tuition neighborhood Catholic schools in N.E. maybe?

[Anonymous]

pp...... wow

[Anonymous]

If it helps any, OP, my DD in 4th grade has actually had her teachers tone down their comments when they figured out how Type A DH and I are. They sent work home with a space for parent comments, and I let them know several times that I was not happy with my DD's performance and asked for suggestions on how to get her to double-check her work, etc. Now they write things like "Everyone in the class did poorly on this test and this was one of the top grades." So at least your kid doesn't have me as a mother.

[Anonymous]

The Teacher's comment was too flip. Just be honest with he/she and tell them so. You and your child should not be so delicate that you can't handle an off-hand comment, but by the same token the teacher should be strong enough to handle a bit of criticism also.

Give the teacher a chance to resolve the issues before going to the principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it helps any, OP, my DD in 4th grade has actually had her teachers tone down their comments when they figured out how Type A DH and I are. They sent work home with a space for parent comments, and I let them know several times that I was not happy with my DD's performance and asked for suggestions on how to get her to double-check her work, etc. Now they write things like "Everyone in the class did poorly on this test and this was one of the top grades." So at least your kid doesn't have me as a mother.

I really hope you give great holiday gifts and you have the number of a good therapist.

[Anonymous]

My problem with the teacher's comment is that it is borderline sarcastic. She/he is basically saying "you can't possibly be proud of this".

I'm also a high school teacher and would never in a million years write that on the work of a young-ish student - actually, not for any student.

I would speak quietly and calmly to the teacher about this. I think you are right that they were having a bad day. Tell the teacher you want to work with him/her to improve your kid's performance.

[Anonymous]

Personally I would not be offended if this honestly was a mess. I think it comes down to your own personality style. Some people are the kind of parent who asks a misbehaving child "I'm not sure you are making good choices right now. Can you stop and think through the consequences and come up with a better way of getting your point across?" while some say "Stop it now." Teachers are the same way.

I don't mince words with my kids and I think it's quite okay for them to know that people are not always happy with them - very definitely if it is deserved. They know what is right/wrong, good/bad, neat/messy, etc. I don't want them weaseling around it or making excuses when their performance isn't good.

The teacher made a point - the work was a mess (she never said anything about accuracy) and asked a question - are you proud of it? Presumably she knows your child's skill level for neat work and this was below par. I wouldn't question it unless the work honestly wasn't a mess (for your child - I realize every child is different so the expectations need to be appropriate.)

[Anonymous]

NP here. It's gratuitous and inappropriate. But agree with others, how is this teacher usually?

[Anonymous]

No way that is too sensitive. No reason the teacher should be rude in her comments --- ever.

[Anonymous]

I had a teacher do something similiar but in a nicer way to my 1st grader. She wrote a page long not to my daughter indicating that her handwriting was not neat enough and that if she handed in work like this again she would make her redo it. I was not happy with note. While we would all like to hand in our best work, it isn't always possible. I know we were rushed the day that she got the assignment that was due the next day. I thought it was best to complete the assignment vs. not completing it. In the future we will probably just skip the assignment and write a note. My DC does homework quickly and knows the material well. My biggest problem with what the teacher wrote was that it was written to a six year and therefore I thought it was inappropriate no matter what the tone. I also thought that she could have told her that verbally instead of writing it. My guess is that the note was really written to me but directed to my child who is a good reader. I also explained to the teacher at the beginning of the year that my DC is a little bit of a perfectionist. Often time she will re-write her letters if they are not perfect. It is hard to watch her re-write the same letter several times to get it write, especially when you don't notice any major problems with it. I'm happy when she turns in less than perfect work because for her that is progress and means she is satisfied. It really ticked me off that she wrote the note to my child given the concerns that I express to her. She has asked my kid if that was her best work and I thought that was a better way of handling things. My DC works fast and likes to finish first which often conflicts with producing your best work.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the teacher is seeing a noticeable decline in the care that the child is putting into schoolwork and is trying to nip something in the bud. 3rd grade is about when sloppy habits start. Kids are proficient enough that they can work quickly but are not yet doing heavy-duty studying that will come in the upper grades so sometimes things are just easy to rush through.

I would expect a teacher to call out a student for inappropriate behavior so why not inappropriate care in doing work? Even if there is a reason the child didn't do it as well as expected (like PP said, was too rushed one night) a good life lesson says you still need to own the consequences. Otherwise reasons become excuses.

Coaches are also people who are often blunt in their comments to motivate or call out kids who are not doing their best. Most kids have heard tough love comments before.

The comment probably could have been worded a bit differently but I don't think the sentiment is all that bad.

[Anonymous]

OP if you are interested in improving your child's handwriting the book "Drawing on the right side of the brain" had a section on handwriting in one of the later editions (I got it from the library) and it helped me immensely. I think a third grader could do it if you helped her.

[Anonymous]

The teacher is rude.
With a child in elementary school, you are allowed to step in and enhance teacher-child communication.
As your child grows, she must learn to process negativity, especially from adults who have power over her.

Give the teacher an example of a constructive criticism: "Please take better care with your handwriting next time".

[Anonymous]

If it is a "mess", what is it you would like the teacher to say? "Great mess, but you can make less" something like that? We prefer that the teachers do not sugarcoat for the relatively older kids (3rd grade counts)