What happens at an initial consultation with a developmental pediatrician?
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Anonymous
| Op, in a way you remind me of myself in that I have a bad tendency to assume that everything is going to be a catastrophe. You are going to have to go to some appointments, but may not need to go to as many as you are assuming before you get an answer. On the positive side, you say your child is hitting milestones, is social, and is not unhappy much of the time. These are good things. Yes, you will have to take time off of work for the appointments, which is not the best situation, but you are taking that to the extreme by assuming that you will lose or have to leave your job. |
Anonymous
PP - that is not very nice. You're taking your frustration about OP out on her DC. Her DC did not ask for any of this, and it's not his/her fault that mom is not handling this as well as she could (although I do understand where OP is coming from). If you really do have a recommendation for a great Dev Ped, it is incumbant upon you to help her child by sharing that info with OP. That's it..... |
Anonymous
Yes, I do. Go back and read what she has written about all the professionals she has been dealing with and her expectations for a developmental pediatrician. |
Anonymous
| I met with dr. Hope Scott. She is with restontown center peds, 703-435-3636. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Like everyone else here, I have dealt with years of interventions. We are coming up on 7 years of work on a kid who has Asperger's, anxiety, and some other stuff that's often co morbid with those disorders. Like you, I had a perfectly lovely little guy until about age 3 1/2 when he started having some behaviors that drew our attention. Sensory issues and a couple of hitting incidents. We immediately sought help when the school mentioned a possible sensory disorder because they were seeing things at school (reluctance to play on the playground due to "too many kids") and we were seeing things at home (difficulty with new clothes, refusal to wear costumes and hats). In retrospect, we probably jumped at intervention more quickly than we needed to given what we were seeing in front of us at that exact time, but then again, given the ultimate diagnosis, we were right to intervene.
I've never been particularly angry about his diagnosis. I have been angry at certain aspects of the way things have played out in school, with friends, especially with my friends who have talked about us, turned against us. I've been sad and I worry deeply about his future. I've had to leave my professional track job and take a job that is extremely flexible so I can be there for all those appointments and days when he is simply too anxious to function. I have a Master's degree so that's kind of hard to accept, but I'm figuring out a new path. We have no money, my DH and I each work well over 60 hours/week for that no money, but I'm here every day for the kids, even if it means working evenings/weekends and not much time with my husband. It will get better (it has to, right). It sounds like you are being sent on a very reasonable path. The 1 teacher NEVER should have suggested autism to you, that is not allowed and completely inappropriate. However, the teachers are taking their time to speak to you about their concerns bc they want to help you and your son. It is a very difficult position for them to be in and they would much rather not have to do it. You mention daycare workers and charter school teachers which means he is displaying this behavior in more than one setting. The behavior you describe is somewhere on the extreme side of a 3-y-o or a real problem. It's probably a real problem if more than one educational professional has brought it up. Licking is NOT a normal 3-y-o behavior. It's sensory-seeking and goes along with the other sensory-seeking tendencies he is displaying. I know a kid who had absence seizures and, with medication, they were successfully treated. He went for testing when he "spaced out" in the middle of crossing a street and it's a darned good thing the teacher with him pulled him across the street. It makes a lot of sense to go get a night-time EEG to rule this out. My son has had 2 24-hour EEG's and a 72-hour EEG and it's not the end of the world. He's incredibly sensitive and autistic and he went through it with minimal complaint. Make it fun for your son. For every specialist we see I remind my son of what's in the office (fish tank, cool books) and what treat we will get afterward (Sprite Zero at the gas station, McD's). He has never once fussed about going to an appointment after over 6 years. We are discovering and dealing with problems that used to be ignored, ridiculed, or shut away. My DH definitely has Asperger's and just got to have a difficult time of it instead of receiving help. It wasn't even recognized as a diagnosis until the 1990's. I understand anxiety because I have it myself and it doesn't make all this easier. Honestly, this sucks and that's all there is to it. But there's no conspiracy. No one tries to put labels on your child that don't belong. An appropriate diagnosis will help you, help your son, put you on the right track. If that track includes medication, so be it. If he has a medical disorder that can be helped by medication, that's what you do. If he does have a disorder, you are in for a long road. It's a road we have all been down. We are trying to help you, but you have to accept the help. Not that many people will be as compassionate as the people on this list. Scary, but true. They will judge, they will think you are doing too much (he's just a normal boy with some behavior issues that you are trying to make into a disorder) or too little. You will never feel that you get it all right. Most importantly, though, you need to figure out a way to wrap your brain around this and CALM DOWN. I think it is imperative that you see a developmental ped who is calm. We see Dr. Karin Belsito in Bethesda and she is incredible. If you can get in with Dr. Shapiro he is also incredible. Here's the reality: if there is actually a problem and it's not just a stage you will: spend more money than you ever thought you could. Goodbye college fund. Goodbye paying off your credit cards every month. lose friends, but gain new ones whose kids have special needs. Cry, a lot. Realize that it's not as bad as it is. Reevaluate things a million times based on your new reality. I don't know if this is helpful. Please don't yell at me; I've had my share of battles and this week DCPS decided to go after us again. It's unbelievable what they will do rather than just helping you. Get the tests that the specialists tell you to get and be glad that we live in a place where you don't have to drive 200 miles to get them. Listen to the experts, do what you can do, and take some time for yourself to process all of this. It will be ok. |
Anonymous
| Not to changes the subject, but PP -- what did DCPS do to " go after you?" im dealing with this myself. Lemme know if you wanna chat... |
Anonymous
| The good thing about a good dev ped is that, in my experience, they are not alarmist and "quick to label" (whatever that means.) theyve seen everything and a ton of extremes. I always feel better after ive checked in with my developmental pediatrian. That said, when i first got my next step recommendations from my first dev ped appointment, i shelved them, and continued to ridicule them in the "whose ever heard of a developmental pedatrician anyway" category. Now i take it all seriously, and manage |
Anonymous
OP here. Actually, we had a very productive discussion with the neurologist yesterday. She was lovely and not quick to label or prescribe anything. I am in the boat one above PP mentioned which is that I've never even heard of these specialities, don't know what they do, and I think I have every right to understand what they do, what these "diagnostics" are, and on what basis they will be evaluating my child. That was honestly the basis of my original post, though yes, I did and have been venting. I feel like I have been sucker punched. I do not feel that everyone is out to get me but I do think I have the right to question the motivations of his teachers (it is a large classroom and my gut tells me the school is a poort fit and we will have to pull him) and whether they are over-reacting. They are escalating the process to a point that I do not think is necessary at this time given the absence of any proper evaluations. I don't know their staff, didn't go into the school expecting to need them, and I'm not just going to take their word for it without them talking to me first. And I appreciate that everyone is telling me to calm down, and I get why, but the reality is that I love my child more than myself and I will protect him fiercely and I do not want him to suffer any ill effects from this entire process. We are having multiple specialists thrown at us without a full explanation of how we should prioritize them and in what order. Every specialist I've called has offered some initial reaction and various resources for reading, etc etc. It is a LOT to take in. And I know that some people have it much harder, I appreciate that. And it's great that you are all working through it and doing well, but at this point I am not. I am taking steps to deal with my own anxiety, and my anger, and my abject fear that he is going to end up irrevocably fucked up and that somehow it will be my fault. And I don't mean to imply that anyone's child here is damaged - that is MY baggage, and I know it. I would never label anyone else's child. My language around that is based on my own feeling that this is somehow my fault. I am questioning every decision we've ever made - the daycare we put him in, putting him in daycare at all, putting him in full day preschool, buying a house here instead of moving closer to family, etc etc. I fear that I am watching all of our future plans and dreams, including those for expanding our family, go up in smoke. It's not constructive, I know, but that's me. I work very hard to battle this stuff but my family history works against me. If you want to pile on, go ahead. It can't be any worse than my own internal dialogue. |
Anonymous
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the only reason there is a pile on going on is bc you are being nasty and sacrastic to the people who are responding to you. Sorry you have such a dfficult inner diaglogue but know that people are responding to your questions to help you, not to make you feel bad, and they dont deserve a nasty response. Sorry if being nicer is more than you can deal with right now but just something to think about.
And yes it will be ok, i promise |
Anonymous
| I think 17:10 is expressing a lot of hard-earned wisdom. I would only add that I also have a DC with AS who is now a teenager. He was diagnosed at around the same age as OP's DC and we worked very hard, especially in those early year. Lots of interventions. Then, as he got older, he slowly asked to stop and when we realized he was right, we did. No more interventions. But boy can we see the results. He has his obsessive interests and he's definitely an odd kid. but he has a lot of friends and his happy. He has a really bright future. But he didn't get there on his own. |
Anonymous
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Its not clear to me how you get from where your DC is to thinking this is your fault. I know we moms usually find a way to blame ourselves, but if he has a developmental disorder it was going to be there no matter what you did. And if its a neurological disorder like seizures, same thing. And if it is solely a behavior issue, then yay, you do some serious behavior modification and go on your way.
We all love our children more than ourselves. Thats why we try to leave our issues out of it, and do what needs to be done. Even your anger is going to have a detrimental effect if your DS picks up on the fact that it has something to do with him. I think the PP who suggested other outlets had some constructive ideas. |
Anonymous
I felt the exact same way when my DC's school kept sending me notes about DS's behavior last yr. The main issue for DS was that he would not engage or play with others and needed more prompting and attention from teachers. No aggression or acting out. Seemed ridiculous and the teachers were making mountains out of molehills. Now I know if they hadn't made it a BIG Deal, we would not have gotten him evaluated and it turned out to be a big deal, DS has AS. If it wasn't for his teachers DS wouldn't be getting the help and supports he needs at school and be the happy child who loves going to school every morning. It's about getting your child help not about you. |
Anonymous
| Op - have you had Early Stages evaluate your son? It's free through DCPS. We had a good experience. I have an 8 yo with ADHD - he is on a low dose of meds which he started at 7 you and has some accommodations at school, but we have always tried to keep our discussions about it with him positive. It is not a big deal now (but it was huge when we were going through the evaluations). |
Anonymous
| OP said she's at a charter. Many are their own LEA and do their own evaluations not through Early Stages although some do. OP can ask the school to evaluate her child which should be the first and easiest step. Then a developmental pediatrician who should be managing all the different types of tests with other specialists. Part of the her problem seems to be going through her pediatrician and a neurologist who are all looking for causes and sending her and her child all over for testing. |
Anonymous
Yes! How to get in touch. I am on the DCPS radar screen and can't post my e-mail address here. I feel like I'm going to have to go into the witness protection program. Do you have an e-mail you can share? |