What happens at an initial consultation with a developmental pediatrician?

[Anonymous]

Me too. Dealing with DCPS is one of the most bizarre, maddening experiences ever. email me at [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Actually, we had a very productive discussion with the neurologist yesterday. She was lovely and not quick to label or prescribe anything. I am in the boat one above PP mentioned which is that I've never even heard of these specialities, don't know what they do, and I think I have every right to understand what they do, what these "diagnostics" are, and on what basis they will be evaluating my child. That was honestly the basis of my original post, though yes, I did and have been venting. I feel like I have been sucker punched. I do not feel that everyone is out to get me but I do think I have the right to question the motivations of his teachers (it is a large classroom and my gut tells me the school is a poort fit and we will have to pull him) and whether they are over-reacting. They are escalating the process to a point that I do not think is necessary at this time given the absence of any proper evaluations. I don't know their staff, didn't go into the school expecting to need them, and I'm not just going to take their word for it without them talking to me first. And I appreciate that everyone is telling me to calm down, and I get why, but the reality is that I love my child more than myself and I will protect him fiercely and I do not want him to suffer any ill effects from this entire process. We are having multiple specialists thrown at us without a full explanation of how we should prioritize them and in what order. Every specialist I've called has offered some initial reaction and various resources for reading, etc etc. It is a LOT to take in. And I know that some people have it much harder, I appreciate that. And it's great that you are all working through it and doing well, but at this point I am not. I am taking steps to deal with my own anxiety, and my anger, and my abject fear that he is going to end up irrevocably fucked up and that somehow it will be my fault.

And I don't mean to imply that anyone's child here is damaged - that is MY baggage, and I know it. I would never label anyone else's child. My language around that is based on my own feeling that this is somehow my fault. I am questioning every decision we've ever made - the daycare we put him in, putting him in daycare at all, putting him in full day preschool, buying a house here instead of moving closer to family, etc etc. I fear that I am watching all of our future plans and dreams, including those for expanding our family, go up in smoke. It's not constructive, I know, but that's me. I work very hard to battle this stuff but my family history works against me.

If you want to pile on, go ahead. It can't be any worse than my own internal dialogue.

I felt the exact same way when my DC's school kept sending me notes about DS's behavior last yr. The main issue for DS was that he would not engage or play with others and needed more prompting and attention from teachers. No aggression or acting out. Seemed ridiculous and the teachers were making mountains out of molehills. Now I know if they hadn't made it a BIG Deal, we would not have gotten him evaluated and it turned out to be a big deal, DS has AS. If it wasn't for his teachers DS wouldn't be getting the help and supports he needs at school and be the happy child who loves going to school every morning. It's about getting your child help not about you.

OP again. I truly appreciate that this is not about me. I guess I am having a hard time accepting that my child needs "help." He is bright and learning, social and curious. When people throw out terms like "special needs" and "special ed" my attenae go up.

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I am taking your advice into account and am letting my husband take the lead on this. Frankly, all of this is hitting me in my emotional weak spots and I trust him to make a reasoned plan. I will try to keep an open mind with whomever we talk to, but I will also reserve the right to be a PITA who asks a million questions about what they are doing, why, how they come to conclusions, etc etc. I am most comfortable in the realm of black and white and I am not just going to accept anything in this nebulous world - especially with a 3.5 year old - until it has been explained and justified to my satisfaction. If the school continues to escalate things beyond what I feel is an acceptable pace I am going to pull him and find alternative arrangements. The last thing we need is a whole process of private evaluations AND the school system, too. I frankly know that because of the school's population they are overwhelmed with "cases," and since I don't have to rely on them financially for this support I will not let my child become just another "case." I would rather forgo having another child (at least for a time) to afford whatever help he needs than rely on a school system that I now strongly suspect he was not and is not ready for.

Good luck to all of you and your families. I need to back away from the internet now for my own personal mental health.