Split check on first date...

[Anonymous]

I'd say: Split check on first date = no second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually make the effort to pay on the first date and it is usually turned down. Went out with someone who let me split. Otherwise I liked him, but it was a turnoff. Is it a red flag?

Turnoff. I used to say near the end of the first date, "I'll pick up the check next time," and that seemed a good way to let the guy know I wasn't out with him for a free meal, but at the same time, let him be a gentleman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, we are both old enough, no money issues (he's actually a big law partner) and date was drinks/dinner. There wasn't alot of back and forth, he actually said he preferred to split on first date. I agree it was kind of tacky. It's hard at first because people are sizing eachother up on first dates for red flags. Being cheap is one of the big ones for me as it was a big deal with my ex.

Two thumbs down. Given his professional background, he DEFINITELY knows better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a male friend who has done this (not automatically paid on the first date) and he just doesn't know that it's better to pay. I had to explain that to him, and he's been better about it.

I'm extremely independent - paid for my own college, own my own home, and I'm great about paying on dates. But I tend to let the guy pay on the first date because it seems to be the norm and some guys feel weird if you don't let them pay. (I'll generally pick up the after-dinner drinks or pay for dinner on the 3rd date.) I do always offer, though, and 99% of guys will not let me pay.

Do you grow your own food? Make your own clothes? Survive comfortably without electricity? If so, the congrats. I believe you. If not, then you aren't really as independent as you think, and you should really stop wearing that slogan as a badge of honor. That's probably why you are still dating around.

So harsh... and angry. And taken out of context.

No it's not. I am just sick of all this "I'm so independent. I don't need anyone. I don't rely on anyone" crap because it's crap. Why does it bother me? Because 1) I don't like stupidity 2) I don't like how it's used to look down on SAHM's because 3) see my original post, and point 1.

Signed,

Princess Charming WAHM who wishes she was TRULY more independent.

Hon, I don't have to grow my own food if I'm the one who earns the money to pay for it. Sorry you have a pretend job where you don't make enough to buy your own latte and need a man to pay your way.

[Anonymous]

For crying out loud, it was a first date. Why do people make such a big deal about the smallest things? If you like someone, see if both of you want to learn more about the other and take it from there. I know of a number of people where there was no correlation, within reason, between how the first date went and later happiness.

[Anonymous]

OP, has this guy asked you out again? If you otherwise liked him, I would not refuse another date, but I'd keep an eye out for other potential issues. It seems like an indication that he is perhaps not the most generous person (you said your impression was that he was not going on a bunch of first dates, which could also be a reasonable explanation for why he would not want to pay for all of them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For crying out loud, it was a first date. Why do people make such a big deal about the smallest things? If you like someone, see if both of you want to learn more about the other and take it from there. I know of a number of people where there was no correlation, within reason, between how the first date went and later happiness.

Really? The first date with my husband was hands down my best first date ever. And yeah, he paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a male friend who has done this (not automatically paid on the first date) and he just doesn't know that it's better to pay. I had to explain that to him, and he's been better about it.

I'm extremely independent - paid for my own college, own my own home, and I'm great about paying on dates. But I tend to let the guy pay on the first date because it seems to be the norm and some guys feel weird if you don't let them pay. (I'll generally pick up the after-dinner drinks or pay for dinner on the 3rd date.) I do always offer, though, and 99% of guys will not let me pay.

Do you grow your own food? Make your own clothes? Survive comfortably without electricity? If so, the congrats. I believe you. If not, then you aren't really as independent as you think, and you should really stop wearing that slogan as a badge of honor. That's probably why you are still dating around.

So harsh... and angry. And taken out of context.

No it's not. I am just sick of all this "I'm so independent. I don't need anyone. I don't rely on anyone" crap because it's crap. Why does it bother me? Because 1) I don't like stupidity 2) I don't like how it's used to look down on SAHM's because 3) see my original post, and point 1.

Signed,

Princess Charming WAHM who wishes she was TRULY more independent.

Hon, I don't have to grow my own food if I'm the one who earns the money to pay for it. Sorry you have a pretend job where you don't make enough to buy your own latte and need a man to pay your way.

You are too dumb to speak to me. Please go have a seat in the corner. You are an intellectual disgrace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take it as a sign that he wasn't into me. When I was dating, if I was insisted on paying my way it was because I had no interest in the guy and did not want to lead him on.

THIS!

I remember being on a blind date and dinner did not go particularly well (too much wine led to silly arguments over??). He went to the bathroom and I quickly paid the entire tab - I didn't want him to pay b/c I didn't want to feel obligated, but I also didn't want to offer to split, b/c that seemed uncomfortable too. I remember he was kind of annoyed when he got back to the table and discovered I had paid already. We left and I met up with another guy I was dating.

Interestingly, I thought I wouldn't bother with another date with guy number one . . . changed my mind (oh what the heck kind of thing) when he called a few days later. Now, we're quite happily married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take it as a sign that he wasn't into me. When I was dating, if I was insisted on paying my way it was because I had no interest in the guy and did not want to lead him on.

THIS!

I remember being on a blind date and dinner did not go particularly well (too much wine led to silly arguments over??). He went to the bathroom and I quickly paid the entire tab - I didn't want him to pay b/c I didn't want to feel obligated, but I also didn't want to offer to split, b/c that seemed uncomfortable too. I remember he was kind of annoyed when he got back to the table and discovered I had paid already. We left and I met up with another guy I was dating.

Interestingly, I thought I wouldn't bother with another date with guy number one . . . changed my mind (oh what the heck kind of thing) when he called a few days later. Now, we're quite happily married!

I love this story.

[Anonymous]

15:09 - wow, you sound like a total c*nt. Your husband is *so* lucky to have you.

The point I was trying to make was that I am not a gold-digger. I don't look to others to pay my way in life. I'm not looking for a relationship free-ride. But I do think that in general, if the guy asks on the first date, the guy should pay. The woman should always offer to split, and the guy should say no. Later in the evening or on future dates, the woman can pay.

[Anonymous]

and also, in response to your 17:54 post, which I just saw - i'm sorry you are so unhappy in your own life that you took a completely innocuous post and somehow turned it into me slamming SAHMs. This thread has nothing to do with SAHMs. It has to do with whether it's ok to want the guy to pay for the first date in the age of women making their own money. Most of the PP's seem to think that yes, this is ok. Just like it's ok to like it when men open doors for us. I'm perfectly capable of opening my own doors, but I think it's nice when others do it for me.

[Anonymous]

1st of all, I am not a cunt. I am assertive or direct. But since I am a woman, that means I am a bitch- not a cunt.
I'll accept the B word, not the C word.

2nd, I didn't say you were talking about SAHM's, I said one of the reasons I hate that stupid "I am so independent" crap is because it is used to slam SAHMS. It's the stupidity that I hate, not the actual practice of wanting to work for a paycheck.

When you live a simple life that is not DEPENDENT on someone saying you are worthy enough to work for them, then you can wear your independence badge with pride. When you are confident that you could survive in the middle of nowhere for days or weeks at a time- then add a medal to the badge. If you could eat for years if all the stores were out of food and weren't planning on having any for months- add two stars and a pat on the back.

If not, you are just as dependent as anyone else. And btw, a lot of men like when women work and have interests and all that- but they get tired of the "I don't need you because I can do everything by myself even sex and have a baby". So stop listening to members of the ugly bitter bitch crew.

It's okay if a woman wants a man with money...really it is. Just like men don't want to be with ugly women. That's okay too. You dig for that gold, and men keep on digging for that beauty...or be broke, miserable, and stuck with an ugly person because you want to prove that you are not shallow or whatever else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1st of all, I am not a cunt. I am assertive or direct. But since I am a woman, that means I am a bitch- not a cunt.
I'll accept the B word, not the C word.

2nd, I didn't say you were talking about SAHM's, I said one of the reasons I hate that stupid "I am so independent" crap is because it is used to slam SAHMS. It's the stupidity that I hate, not the actual practice of wanting to work for a paycheck.

When you live a simple life that is not DEPENDENT on someone saying you are worthy enough to work for them, then you can wear your independence badge with pride. When you are confident that you could survive in the middle of nowhere for days or weeks at a time- then add a medal to the badge. If you could eat for years if all the stores were out of food and weren't planning on having any for months- add two stars and a pat on the back.

If not, you are just as dependent as anyone else. And btw, a lot of men like when women work and have interests and all that- but they get tired of the "I don't need you because I can do everything by myself even sex and have a baby". So stop listening to members of the ugly bitter bitch crew.

It's okay if a woman wants a man with money...really it is. Just like men don't want to be with ugly women. That's okay too. You dig for that gold, and men keep on digging for that beauty...or be broke, miserable, and stuck with an ugly person because you want to prove that you are not shallow or whatever else.

Very true.

[Anonymous]

Hey guys, you want some P, you P-A-Y.

I would have been turned off and annoyed.

If he is a law partner, it is extremely petty to split a dinner bill.