Split check on first date...

[Anonymous]

In my mind, the asker pays. I don't offer to split. My DH asked me on a date - he payed. I asked him on our second date, I payed.

[Anonymous]

When i read this type of stuff, i am so glad to be out of the dating game. If ever single again, i will join a religious order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When i read this type of stuff, i am so glad to be out of the dating game. If ever single again, i will join a religious order.

To be a sisterwife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a male friend who has done this (not automatically paid on the first date) and he just doesn't know that it's better to pay. I had to explain that to him, and he's been better about it.

I'm extremely independent - paid for my own college, own my own home, and I'm great about paying on dates. But I tend to let the guy pay on the first date because it seems to be the norm and some guys feel weird if you don't let them pay. (I'll generally pick up the after-dinner drinks or pay for dinner on the 3rd date.) I do always offer, though, and 99% of guys will not let me pay.

Do you grow your own food? Make your own clothes? Survive comfortably without electricity? If so, the congrats. I believe you. If not, then you aren't really as independent as you think, and you should really stop wearing that slogan as a badge of honor. That's probably why you are still dating around.

So harsh... and angry. And taken out of context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a male friend who has done this (not automatically paid on the first date) and he just doesn't know that it's better to pay. I had to explain that to him, and he's been better about it.

I'm extremely independent - paid for my own college, own my own home, and I'm great about paying on dates. But I tend to let the guy pay on the first date because it seems to be the norm and some guys feel weird if you don't let them pay. (I'll generally pick up the after-dinner drinks or pay for dinner on the 3rd date.) I do always offer, though, and 99% of guys will not let me pay.

Do you grow your own food? Make your own clothes? Survive comfortably without electricity? If so, the congrats. I believe you. If not, then you aren't really as independent as you think, and you should really stop wearing that slogan as a badge of honor. That's probably why you are still dating around.

So harsh... and angry. And taken out of context.

Oh don't even bother with Prince or Princess Charming's vitriol. Haters gonna hate.

[Anonymous]

OP here, we are both old enough, no money issues (he's actually a big law partner) and date was drinks/dinner. There wasn't alot of back and forth, he actually said he preferred to split on first date. I agree it was kind of tacky. It's hard at first because people are sizing eachother up on first dates for red flags. Being cheap is one of the big ones for me as it was a big deal with my ex.

OP, respectfully, I have a slightly different take on this. Maybe, you're looking for too much meaning in the gesture. I think it's something we all do. First dates, especially once one is old enough, are very hard because we are trying to decide everything all at once, and projecting things in the future based on little data. You mention cheap as a huge issue with your ex. Maybe you're hypersensitive to any indication of that, even in the short span of a first date. It's possible that his ex was only interested in him for his money, so he is oversensitive to having to pay for the first date. Who knows? He could be a jerk, or he could be awkward, or he could have an issue. My point is that it is difficult to judge from the first date. If this is the only red flag, maybe go out with him again and give it more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a male friend who has done this (not automatically paid on the first date) and he just doesn't know that it's better to pay. I had to explain that to him, and he's been better about it.

I'm extremely independent - paid for my own college, own my own home, and I'm great about paying on dates. But I tend to let the guy pay on the first date because it seems to be the norm and some guys feel weird if you don't let them pay. (I'll generally pick up the after-dinner drinks or pay for dinner on the 3rd date.) I do always offer, though, and 99% of guys will not let me pay.

Do you grow your own food? Make your own clothes? Survive comfortably without electricity? If so, the congrats. I believe you. If not, then you aren't really as independent as you think, and you should really stop wearing that slogan as a badge of honor. That's probably why you are still dating around.

So harsh... and angry. And taken out of context.

No it's not. I am just sick of all this "I'm so independent. I don't need anyone. I don't rely on anyone" crap because it's crap. Why does it bother me? Because 1) I don't like stupidity 2) I don't like how it's used to look down on SAHM's because 3) see my original post, and point 1.

Signed,

Princess Charming WAHM who wishes she was TRULY more independent.

[Anonymous]

I would take it as a sign that he wasn't into me. When I was dating, if I was insisted on paying my way it was because I had no interest in the guy and did not want to lead him on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, we are both old enough, no money issues (he's actually a big law partner) and date was drinks/dinner. There wasn't alot of back and forth, he actually said he preferred to split on first date. I agree it was kind of tacky. It's hard at first because people are sizing eachother up on first dates for red flags. Being cheap is one of the big ones for me as it was a big deal with my ex.

OP, respectfully, I have a slightly different take on this. Maybe, you're looking for too much meaning in the gesture. I think it's something we all do. First dates, especially once one is old enough, are very hard because we are trying to decide everything all at once, and projecting things in the future based on little data. You mention cheap as a huge issue with your ex. Maybe you're hypersensitive to any indication of that, even in the short span of a first date. It's possible that his ex was only interested in him for his money, so he is oversensitive to having to pay for the first date. Who knows? He could be a jerk, or he could be awkward, or he could have an issue. My point is that it is difficult to judge from the first date. If this is the only red flag, maybe go out with him again and give it more time.

Very wise, PP.

[Anonymous]

I had an awful first date on Friday night, and we went for sushi where he ordered "something small" for us to share, and when I offered to split the bill, he said "You can pay the tip, and you can pay next time."

No! I didn't offer to pay to go go out with you again!!!!

[Anonymous]

I had a similar awful date. We were at a restaurant and each ordered a drink. He then said, "why don 't we split an order of French fries". There will be no 2nd date.

[Anonymous]

i dont offer to pay on first dates because i dont intend on paying. OP, maybe you should do the same to avoid resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an awful first date on Friday night, and we went for sushi where he ordered "something small" for us to share, and when I offered to split the bill, he said "You can pay the tip, and you can pay next time."

No! I didn't offer to pay to go go out with you again!!!!

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar awful date. We were at a restaurant and each ordered a drink. He then said, "why don 't we split an order of French fries". There will be no 2nd date.

Who are these guys?!?! Wow, I guess losers like this really do exist. They will be looking for someone forever and probably always have been.

[Anonymous]

Bunch of freeloaders. What's the guy getting for his money?

[ThatSmileyFaceGuy]

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar awful date. We were at a restaurant and each ordered a drink. He then said, "why don 't we split an order of French fries". There will be no 2nd date.

Wait, wait. Did he offer to split the bill for an order of fries or split an order of fries? Maybe he wanted something small to snack on while having a drink