Split check on first date...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH did this on our first date. And yes, it was a huge turn-off. Still, I liked everything else about him, so I gave him another chance. And he did it on the second date too. So finally I told him what a problem it was. He needed education . He still needs guidance on some things, esp to do with money (grew up poorer than most of his friends, always had to work for everything, so is very tight with money, whereas I grew up with plenty and am very generous). Aside from this, though, he is perfect for me, and since no one is actually "perfect," this is a "negative" that I can deal with, esp as he is open to being told that he needs to loosen up (his wallet).

But DH was probably young and inexperience back then. I'm guessing OP's date is older and should have some dating and life experience under his belt by this age.

[Anonymous]

Toss this one back.

[Anonymous]

Not a red flag. Go out with him again and next time let him pay.

[Anonymous]

Find someone else. There's something to be said for a man who was raised with manners and following standard dating etiquette....this means paying on the first few dates, opening doors, etc. And I majored in women studies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pay your share and stop whining.

Date much? I'm guessing no.

Whore much? I'm guessing yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find someone else. There's something to be said for a man who was raised with manners and following standard dating etiquette....this means paying on the first few dates, opening doors, etc. And I majored in women studies

Any woman who allows herself to be paid for, deserves to be paid for.

[Anonymous]

If it is a very casual meet up, for example if it is the first face to face if you met online and it is just for coffee then I think splitting it is completely appropriate. I actually prefer to ya my own in these scenarios so that if it is going poorly I feel no obligation to stay long or to owe him something in return for being treated.

If you are asked out on a date and it is more formal - lunch, dinner, etc... then I always offer to split it but typically the guy says no. I don't keep pushing it as I hate that. I will however pay for the meal/drinks the next time we are out. I am not a fan of the guy paying for it all.

[Anonymous]

OP here, we are both old enough, no money issues (he's actually a big law partner) and date was drinks/dinner. There wasn't alot of back and forth, he actually said he preferred to split on first date. I agree it was kind of tacky. It's hard at first because people are sizing eachother up on first dates for red flags. Being cheap is one of the big ones for me as it was a big deal with my ex.

[Anonymous]

If I invite my girlfriend for a coffee I pay. If she invites she pays. When DH and I invite another couple we pay. I guess that makes all of us a bunch of whores.

[Anonymous]

I paid for our first date, but DH had driven 6 hours to see me (we were long distant at first) and had already purchased tickets to a couple of shows and events. He was in school and didn't have much so I didn't expect him to pay for everything. Our relationship has always been give and take, including financially.

Give the guy a chance, he might be a really wonderful person who doesn't know the "dating rules."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, we are both old enough, no money issues (he's actually a big law partner) and date was drinks/dinner. There wasn't alot of back and forth, he actually said he preferred to split on first date. I agree it was kind of tacky. It's hard at first because people are sizing eachother up on first dates for red flags. Being cheap is one of the big ones for me as it was a big deal with my ex.

How did you meet? Was this Match.com? If so, perfectly appropriate to split first date, no matter income levels. Second date, of course, if he asks, he pays.

[Anonymous]

Wow. What a turnoff. Fast forward: This is the same guy who will interrogate you about your credit card bill and you'll be hiding shopping bags in the trunk from. (Oh wait. I do this and we never went Dutch) Dump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, we are both old enough, no money issues (he's actually a big law partner) and date was drinks/dinner. There wasn't alot of back and forth, he actually said he preferred to split on first date. I agree it was kind of tacky. It's hard at first because people are sizing eachother up on first dates for red flags. Being cheap is one of the big ones for me as it was a big deal with my ex.

How did you meet? Was this Match.com? If so, perfectly appropriate to split first date, no matter income levels. Second date, of course, if he asks, he pays.

This is why I hate Match.com. Some people are out there splitting checks because they are dating (or interviewing more like) 50 people at once. All these people are out there looking for the "perfect" person. Too many choices throws off the natural order of things. How can you have chemistry when it's akin to a job interview.

[Anonymous]

Why is it a rule that the man has to pay? Isn't that kind of backwards thinking? what century are we in?

[Anonymous]

big red flag. there was a better way to deal with it:

-you offered to pay
-he declines
-you offer to cover the tip at least
-he accepts, this is perfectlt fine


scenario 2

-you offer to pay
-he declines
-he pays
-he accepts your subsequent offer to cover part 2 of the night (after dinner drinks, dessert, etc)

i think the tacky part is taking an actual
bill and going throughthe motions of splitting it. there are more polite ways of contributing your fair share/accepting the other person's offer of money.