My husband is addicted to marijuana

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a time (when I was young and foolish) when I could not imagine going a day without smoking pot. It relaxed me, relieved anxiety, made menstrual cramps tolerable, made things funny, made snack food delicious, bonded me with my friends, and I just loved the feel of the joint and the smell of the smoke. It also made me a terrible driver, paranoid, a binge eater, and lazy. I quit twice, first when I was in high school and getting bad grades and decided I wanted to go to college. I picked it up again in college. The second time I quit was a few years out of college, when I decided I wanted to go to law school. I have not smoked since then, about 25 years ago.

Being high on pot is the polar opposite of being a responsible parent. It impairs your judgment. It slows your reflexes. Smoking it is unhealthy for your lungs.

I think you need to sit your husband down and let him know, in a caring, loving way, that you are concerned about his health, both physical and mental, his judgment when he's stoned with the kids, and his driving ability when he's under the influence. You should tell him that his behavior is destroying your marriage because he is engaging in secret destructive behavior and is not being an honest, dependable partner. Then you should let him know that you will give him one more chance to change, and will be supportive while he tries, and that you expect him to see a counselor, quit the pot, and find a goal that matters more to him than getting high. And that if he doesn't change his behavior, you will leave with the kids.

It has to be worth it to him to quit, even if that means losing his family if he doesn't. For me, I had a reason to quit. There was something I wanted more than getting high. For him, he has to want to keep you and the kids more than he wants to get high.

I wish you good luck. I hope he can do it.

I think this is the most sound advice so far. He needs to know that you are at least considering leaving him. Otherwise, he probably will not stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend watching Woody Harrelson's documentary on the mj called "Grass."

Oh yeah, because actors are so grounded in how the real world works.

OP, if you need a security clearance for your job your husband is putting your career at risk. If anything were to happen, I imagine it would raise some questions at your employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend watching Woody Harrelson's documentary on the mj called "Grass."

Oh I saw this a few years ago. It is pretty insightful, I'd recommend watching it too. Woody is just narrating, he didn't produce it.

[Anonymous]

From the perspective of someone who has practiced as a divorce attorney, I think posters above are correct to advise OP not to allow DH to supervise the children. If you do, and you know he is using, then you may be accused of being complicit in his behavior, if not actually supporting it. Your DH could lose custody over your children b/c of his marijuana use/addiction.

Be smart. Protect yourself and your rights. Figure out if you are willing to stay with a man who loves pot - he may NEVER change, no matter how hard he tries. When your kids get older, they WILL know what he does on the side b/c kids are very very smart.

If it were me, I'd tell him to enter a rehab clinic immediately. If he cannot stop within 3-6 months max, I would leave him. No long drawn out emotional ending. If he cannot quit within a given time frame, it'd be over, as easily as that. Love is not enough to keep me with a man.

[Anonymous]

Leave him! My ex had the same problem and no matter how many promises to me he never changed!! I left him and now I am happy with another person. I thought in my DD and it was the correct choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are all you pot smokers buying your pot? Aren't you afraid of getting arrested?

Takoma Park (MD). Uh, no.

[Anonymous]

I've seen it pretty much destroy the life of my brother, once a happy, brilliant guy.

[Anonymous]

Send him packing!

[Anonymous]

I posted the one word reply "Alanon" when I read your post yesterday. I had to leave, but I had to say it. I have had this problem with my BIL and his wife, and it was an issue early in my marriage with my husband. Once we had our first child my husband gave it all up, dope, cigarettes and anything stronger than a beer. But, we have been alienated from his family because of it and I went with my MIL to Alanon many times over the last five years. You have to go, you have to hear these families, and you have to UNDERSTAND. Lawyers are fine and so are couselors, but you need to SEE and HEAR women like yourself who are a couple more years down the road.

I will pray for you tonight.

[Anonymous]

Being a pothead is NOT normal in A'dam. Sure, more may smoke there than here - the way we might have a glass of wine.

There's a big difference between the occasional toke and being a pothead.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone else who suggested Alanon. But as far as leaving him, obviously not coming from someone who has children with an addict. Your children are probably safer with you two married and you knowing their whereabouts 100% of the time than with a shared custody arrangment. And if you are to divorce him, you are in a much better position now to gather evidence secretly before he knows that you are planning to leave. I would suggest gathering evidence, seeing how things go with his sobriety and rebuilding your relationship, and take it from there.

Good luck, you sound like a great person and you deserve happiness!

[Anonymous]

My situation is near identical!!!! My child is 3 and a half... And I don't have concerns about the finances of leaving.... just that I've overreacting???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. And NEVER leave your children alone with him. EVER.

You are BONKERS.

Many people take marijuana recreationally without it impacting negatively on their life. It sounds like his habit is though.
Does he hold down a full-time job?How much does he smoke? Does he do it on his own or with friends?
Unlike harder drugs, it is not physically adictive, but it is certainly habit forming.

No, you are bonkers. Listen, this guy is a pot-head the way that some people are alcoholics. High-functioning, maybe, but there are folks out there who cannot say no.

I have a husband who loves wine. He drinks it regularly. If I asked him to stop because it interfered with our relationship, you betcha he'd quit, and he COULD. I have a cousin who cannot. She is an alcoholic, and her life slowly became effed up. She still quasi-functions, but her daughter and most of her family are estranged from her (and more... but I'll stop there).

Don't confuse what you think should be 'legal' with what is obviously irresponsible and out of control behavior. Too much of a 'good thing' is not a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are all you pot smokers buying your pot? Aren't you afraid of getting arrested?

Takoma Park (MD). Uh, no.

And my former neighborhood: Columbia Heights. Folks out there who think that buying off the street from someone else's friendly neighborhood dealer is okay, well, eff you. Grow your own pot in your own damn basements. Get out of our alleyways and front stoops. If you only knew how much the trade hurt the community and the kids growing up in it.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure other drugs aren't involved? It is very odd to be powerless over weed. More likely, he just doesn't care what you have to say about it- very immature and selfish. But if other drugs are involved that you don't know about, it is a whole other ballpark.