My husband is addicted to marijuana

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. And NEVER leave your children alone with him. EVER.

You are BONKERS.

Many people take marijuana recreationally without it impacting negatively on their life. It sounds like his habit is though.
Does he hold down a full-time job?How much does he smoke? Does he do it on his own or with friends?
Unlike harder drugs, it is not physically adictive, but it is certainly habit forming.

I have to agree with the poster who said never to leave your children alone with him.

The reality is that one secret life makes it that much easier for someone to have another secret life.

My step-father was long known as a pot-addict, then it came out he was a sex addict, then it came out he was into child porn.

OK I don't agree with pot smoking that is a habit, but your personal experience of Pot Smoking leading to child porn is just quite a jump. Your step father is an unfortunate situation, but certainly the pot had nothing to do with it. He probably had these deviant sexual impulses ever since he was a young man.


To say "never leave your children alone with him" because there is a possiblity that he could be a pedophile is just absurd. Anyone can be a pedophile. Secretive pot smoking is not a warning sign for child abuse. I eat McDonalds in secret, my husband has no clue. I only use cash b/c I don't want him to see it on the credit card and bust me. I eat it in secret because I am the biggest "organic" freak about food, but I'm addicted to McD's. If my husband found out he would tease me forever and think I'm a hypocrite (which I am). Does this mean that I live a secret life and be a pedophile? Should I be trusted alone with the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. And NEVER leave your children alone with him. EVER.

You are BONKERS.

Many people take marijuana recreationally without it impacting negatively on their life. It sounds like his habit is though.
Does he hold down a full-time job?How much does he smoke? Does he do it on his own or with friends?
Unlike harder drugs, it is not physically adictive, but it is certainly habit forming.

I have to agree with the poster who said never to leave your children alone with him.

The reality is that one secret life makes it that much easier for someone to have another secret life.

My step-father was long known as a pot-addict, then it came out he was a sex addict, then it came out he was into child porn.

OK I don't agree with pot smoking that is a habit, but your personal experience of Pot Smoking leading to child porn is just quite a jump. Your step father is an unfortunate situation, but certainly the pot had nothing to do with it. He probably had these deviant sexual impulses ever since he was a young man.


To say "never leave your children alone with him" because there is a possiblity that he could be a pedophile is just absurd. Anyone can be a pedophile. Secretive pot smoking is not a warning sign for child abuse. I eat McDonalds in secret, my husband has no clue. I only use cash b/c I don't want him to see it on the credit card and bust me. I eat it in secret because I am the biggest "organic" freak about food, but I'm addicted to McD's. If my husband found out he would tease me forever and think I'm a hypocrite (which I am). Does this mean that I live a secret life and be a pedophile? Should I be trusted alone with the kids?

PP here. My point was about the fact that people who's characters are disturbed enough to lead secret lives in one area often have secret lives in another area. I did not mean to insinuate that OP's dh is a pedophile. But it is clear that his judgment as a parent is impaired due to his using. To compare this issue (which is NOT recreational use, per OP's description or experience) to hamburgers is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't leave the children unattended with him- you already know he sleeps through and doesn't pay any attention to them at all.

I personally would leave if he doesn't get his act together in the next few months, but i have no tolerance for drug use...

Also, smoking pot is not without risk- it is illegal, it does involve a drug dealer (and the possibility of things going wrong...) and has been shown to have long term impacts such as a higher level of paranoia, etc.

Do you want your kids to smoke pot as teens? Because if you stay with your husband you're not going to have much to say to them about why they can't when your husband did and you were tolerated that.

Its a tough situation. I wouldn't leave without giving it a last try (and telling him he ha only 6mos to kick the habit or whatever time frame) use that time to plan your exit strategy in case you need to use it.

Good luck.

HELLO McFLY? Anyone home?

If the OP is truly worried about their safety when they are alone with him then leaving him would not be a genius move. The courts are NOT going to take away his visitation over some pot (ESPECIALLY if he has never even been convicted of possession). The standards of the court deeming someone unfit are very high and a few joints are not going to be a deal breaker. So, if OP follows your genius advice then the children will be alone w/him for entire weekends at a stretch.

It is so easy for people to say "leave the bastard" ignoring the complexities. I personally don't take divorce lightly when children are involved and you will be impacting the rest of their lives. If there is abuse involved, of course I would leave, but anything outside of that would require me to exhaust ALL resources first, doesn't sound like the OP has done this yet.


I agree with this poster. Very sound advice, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't leave the children unattended with him- you already know he sleeps through and doesn't pay any attention to them at all.

I personally would leave if he doesn't get his act together in the next few months, but i have no tolerance for drug use...

Also, smoking pot is not without risk- it is illegal, it does involve a drug dealer (and the possibility of things going wrong...) and has been shown to have long term impacts such as a higher level of paranoia, etc.

Do you want your kids to smoke pot as teens? Because if you stay with your husband you're not going to have much to say to them about why they can't when your husband did and you were tolerated that.

Its a tough situation. I wouldn't leave without giving it a last try (and telling him he ha only 6mos to kick the habit or whatever time frame) use that time to plan your exit strategy in case you need to use it.

Good luck.

I agree with this poster. Very sound advice, IMO.

REPOSTING:

HELLO McFLY? Anyone home?

If the OP is truly worried about their safety when they are alone with him then leaving him would not be a genius move. The courts are NOT going to take away his visitation over some pot (ESPECIALLY if he has never even been convicted of possession). The standards of the court deeming someone unfit are very high and a few joints are not going to be a deal breaker. So, if OP follows your genius advice then the children will be alone w/him for entire weekends at a stretch.

It is so easy for people to say "leave the bastard" ignoring the complexities. I personally don't take divorce lightly when children are involved and you will be impacting the rest of their lives. If there is abuse involved, of course I would leave, but anything outside of that would require me to exhaust ALL resources first, doesn't sound like the OP has done this yet.

[Anonymous]

There was a time (when I was young and foolish) when I could not imagine going a day without smoking pot. It relaxed me, relieved anxiety, made menstrual cramps tolerable, made things funny, made snack food delicious, bonded me with my friends, and I just loved the feel of the joint and the smell of the smoke. It also made me a terrible driver, paranoid, a binge eater, and lazy. I quit twice, first when I was in high school and getting bad grades and decided I wanted to go to college. I picked it up again in college. The second time I quit was a few years out of college, when I decided I wanted to go to law school. I have not smoked since then, about 25 years ago.

Being high on pot is the polar opposite of being a responsible parent. It impairs your judgment. It slows your reflexes. Smoking it is unhealthy for your lungs.

I think you need to sit your husband down and let him know, in a caring, loving way, that you are concerned about his health, both physical and mental, his judgment when he's stoned with the kids, and his driving ability when he's under the influence. You should tell him that his behavior is destroying your marriage because he is engaging in secret destructive behavior and is not being an honest, dependable partner. Then you should let him know that you will give him one more chance to change, and will be supportive while he tries, and that you expect him to see a counselor, quit the pot, and find a goal that matters more to him than getting high. And that if he doesn't change his behavior, you will leave with the kids.

It has to be worth it to him to quit, even if that means losing his family if he doesn't. For me, I had a reason to quit. There was something I wanted more than getting high. For him, he has to want to keep you and the kids more than he wants to get high.

I wish you good luck. I hope he can do it.

[Anonymous]

I think it is irresponsible for those who have said pot is not addictive. According to the NIH 15% of those entering rehab are going for problems with marijuana.
I have lived first hand with someone who was addicted to pot. I knew that this boyfriend smoked, but had no clue on how deeply it effected his life. He couldn't make it through an 8 hour work day without excusing himself, at least twice, to go and get high. It was the first thing he did in the morning, and the last thing he did at night.

He did do other drugs too, not just pot. He didn't do the other drugs every day though, and his primary function was to get money for his drug of choice. I have no idea how much he was smoking in a day, but he attempted to deal, in order to support himself. He smoked it all, he just couldn't restrain himself.

In the end it came down to drugs, or me. He chose drugs. That was seven years ago, and while we have remained in contact, he had lost contact with his parents. Why? Because he was ashamed of himself, he was evicted and had to give his supplier his car, and he lost his job. He ducked out of his parents life for a year, and one day just popped back in, asking for money. Really sad, this man is 33 year old, and has nothing, and no motivation to do anything but smoke pot.

While we knew each other nearly 20 years, before living together (we were childhood friends) I had no idea that he had been getting high since he was 10 years old.

[Anonymous]

I think pot effects people in different ways, as alcohol does. These people mentioned on this thread sound dysfunctional and use pot to fill a void. But personally, I smoke pot regularly. I graduated with a 4.0 10 years ago, I get up everyday at 7am and go to work, I hold a senior level position, work out everyday, have a 401K and live a full, happy life. I have even met doctors and other professional people who smoke. My weekly smoke is comparable to a glass of wine at the end of the day. I have never tried cocaine, heroin or any hard core drugs, because even after I smoke a joint, I still know better than to go down that road. Sure I keep it on the down low because I live in the U.S., but if I lived in the Netherlands or Australia, no one would think anything of it.

[Anonymous]

If you have to smoke it every day, there is a problem, no different than if you had to have a drink daily. Just because you are functional, doesn't mean you are OK.

[Anonymous]

I would love to smoke pot but don't know where to get it from

[Anonymous]

I don't smoke everyday. Friday nights usually. But plenty of people have a half glass of wine everyday...which is actually a health benefit, particularly if it is red. Moderation and common sense is the key...not every pot smoker and wine drinker falls into the helpless drug addict/alcoholic category. I'm not just functional and ok, I am happy, relaxed, confident, fulfilled, open minded, stable, educated and loving life.

But back to the OP's problem, this guy obviously falls into the helpless drug category...and his problem probably started way before his pot problem. I'm not sure what the best course of action is for someone like that. Maybe try weaning him off it little by little, so he can at least be functional a little more each day. It doesn't sound like he's going to go cold turkey, and if he did, he will probably be very grouchy without the pot.

[Anonymous]

Pot is a gateway drug... I'm wondering f if he's using anything else you're unaware of. I would definitely recommend NA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't smoke everyday. Friday nights usually. But plenty of people have a half glass of wine everyday...which is actually a health benefit, particularly if it is red. Moderation and common sense is the key...not every pot smoker and wine drinker falls into the helpless drug addict/alcoholic category. I'm not just functional and ok, I am happy, relaxed, confident, fulfilled, open minded, stable, educated and loving life.

But back to the OP's problem, this guy obviously falls into the helpless drug category...and his problem probably started way before his pot problem. I'm not sure what the best course of action is for someone like that. Maybe try weaning him off it little by little, so he can at least be functional a little more each day. It doesn't sound like he's going to go cold turkey, and if he did, he will probably be very grouchy without the pot.

I meant "you" in a general sense, not you in particular.

[Anonymous]

Where are all you pot smokers buying your pot? Aren't you afraid of getting arrested?

[Anonymous]

A couple of years ago a Gonzago HS student was shot to death on my Bethesda street while attempting to buy pot. The dealer had planned to take his money and not give him the pot. When he resisted the dealer shot him in the head. Such a waste. IMOH the high is not worth this kind of risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are all you pot smokers buying your pot? Aren't you afraid of getting arrested?

There are A LOT of middle/upper class adults I know who smoke pot on occasion. We keep it very hush from friends who don't do it. I went on a mom's weekend get away to the beach a few weeks ago and someone brought "brownies", it was a blast. Some of the mom's hadn't done it in years. I went to my annual sales kick off for my company and there were quite a few people who got together and smoked. These are all highly functioning successful people. I would rather spend the rest of my life with a pot head than an alcoholic. I think it should even be legalized (but I am a libertarian and I think A LOT of things should be legal that are illegal).

However, OPs husband sounds like he has crossed the line. Same as if someone crossed the line with alcohol.