I got a DUI and can't live with myself - dont' know what to do

[Anonymous]

9:52 again - Normally I would have been required to do at least a hundred hours of community service asl well, but that was waived in my case since I was spending so much time taking care of my ailing family member.

All this happened and I was able to keep it from everyone but my husband and my very close friend who had to pick me up at the police station. My employer at the time didn't know anything about it, neither did my parents, etc. It helped that I lived in an area where it was very easy to walk places or take the bus or Metro, so it wasn't noticeable that I didn't drive for months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DUIs today are a witch-hunt. .08 is NOT DRUNK, you did nothing wrong, but unfortunately you have to pay the price of an overreaction. seriously don't feel bad in the least. get a good lawyer and fight it and most likely it will get dismissed.

Okay, I hope this doesn't come out wrong, because I know the OP feels bad. By no means am I trying to condemn her or anyone else in this situation, but I MUST address the poster I quoted above.

However, .08 is legally drunk and that's all that matters. My brother had two beers after work three years ago. On his way home, a really man stepped off the curb in front of him. He hit the man and he, unfortunately died. My brothers BAC was .09. He did not feel drunk. It has nearly ruined his life. He plead guilty and was sentanced to 5 years. He is up for parole next week after serving 20 months. My brother did not have any priors. We grew up middle class, going to private schools and had all of the benefits of a good family and involved parents, etc.

It was a horrible accident that took one man's life, and has hurt two families in ways you cannot imagine. Not everyone gets second chances.

OP, you will be fine. You will likely pay a fine and maybe serve some community service.

But .08 is drunk, and can most definitely take and change lives, it is not an overreaction.

Well, I hate to break this to you since you sound like a nice person, but your brother was LYING about having two beers before killing a man. If your brother just weighed 160 pounds, and he drank two beers in less than an hour, his level would be .034.

http://bloodalcoholcalculator.org/#LinkURL

I live in the city and would never drive anywhere if I had even one drink - that's why we have taxis. But really, let's stick with some facts here. Your post makes NO sense.

I don't understand how a computer program could really be very effective at prediciting your BAC. How would the program know how fast your liver processes alcohol, something that is quite individual and not only based on weight, but how well your particular liver functions which can vary due to a variety of factors. Nevermind the factors of how fast you drank, when and what you ate, how tired you were, whether you exercised that day, how much and when, etc...

I also think that the measurement of #of drinks is NOT the way to measure your consumption as the amount of wine in a glass, the size of the glass, etc. vary too widely to say what 2 glasses of wine means. And you can't judge your impairment based on how you feel just because you don't 'feel' impaired. So its very hard to say what each person's "safe" amount to drink on any given occasion. I believe I am impaired at a much lower than .08 level, personally. So even if you fall "under the limit", you can still be impaired and thus responsible for any harm that results, whether or not there are legal ramifications.

I believe we should have a 0.0 policy for this reason. It's just too hard to figure out when a person is actually impaired. But at 0.0, if you are impaired, at least its not from alcohol!

[Anonymous]

My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

He sounds like a liar and a menace to society. I hope they take his license away for good before he kills someone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

He sounds like a liar and a menace to society. I hope they take his license away for good before he kills someone!

I wish I could get him to realize this before its too late. But after 12 years, I think I've run out of ideas. I am considering separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

He sounds like a liar and a menace to society. I hope they take his license away for good before he kills someone!

buy him a portable breathalyzer. tell him you are perfectly ok with him having a drink with a client, but that you cannot afford any more DUIs. So if he blows over a .08, call you and you will come pick him up or he can call a cab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes but do you really think any judge is going to believe she only had 2 glasses of wine? I'm not saying OP is lying, she's probably telling the truth. But I'm sure judges and lawyers hear that millions of times a day. I just had one drink!!

Maybe she can get a copy of the tab?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

He sounds like a liar and a menace to society. I hope they take his license away for good before he kills someone!

buy him a portable breathalyzer. tell him you are perfectly ok with him having a drink with a client, but that you cannot afford any more DUIs. So if he blows over a .08, call you and you will come pick him up or he can call a cab.

You don't have a lot of experience with problem drinkers, do you? He could call a cab any time. But he won't b/c that means he needs to get his car the next day, which is a pain. Plus the cost of the cab and the fact that he thinks he will 'lose face' w/ whomever he is with by admitting he's had too much to drive. And I'm not waking up or keeping up my 3 kids under 8 to go pick their drunk daddy at 10, 11 or midnight all the time (this at least once a week).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

Yikes, I'd be pretty worried about losing everything and would be checking into a way to separate my assets from his so if he kills someone I wouldn't lose my savings as well. So sorry he's put you in that situation!!

My family has been affected by alcohol many times. My mom divorced my dad when I was about 2 or 3 because he had become a heavy drinker. They had been married about 18 yrs then. Eventually he drank himself to death when I was 14. He was really a HEAVY drinker though...we're talking a bottle of whisky (not sure what size, I was just a kid) every night (unless he passed out first.)

When I was about 9 or 10 both my sister and step sister were passengers in vehicles hit by drunk drivers. The accidents were 2 months apart. My sister had a cut on her skull that went clear to the bone (from hitting the rear view mirror. She wasn't wearing a seat belt so really she is lucky not to have been killed.) She also had a broken leg and maybe an arm or something. She recovered. My step-sister was hit by a drunk driver w/ a suspended license. After the accident he went over to look in the car, thought he killed my step sister and then ran off. My step sister had a broken brain stem and was in a coma for a few weeks. 25+ yrs later her life is still a mess. Her husband divorced her (probably would have happened anyway to be fair) and because of the brain stem issue her brain never functioned normally again so she really has the sense and reason of a 12 yr old. She would attract all the wrong men, one of whom went to jail for molesting her two boys (who then went to live with their dad) and she made 2 babies w/ the child molester and those kids are in their late teens/early 20's (not sure, haven't seen them for literally years and years) and they are a complete mess. It's really sad the chain of events that can be set in motion by having a few drinks for your own pleasure. I have NEVER EVER had a drink because I've seen the chaos that it can bring and also knowing my family history of alcoholism, i'm not willing to risk addiction. A buzz simply isn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

He sounds like a liar and a menace to society. I hope they take his license away for good before he kills someone!

buy him a portable breathalyzer. tell him you are perfectly ok with him having a drink with a client, but that you cannot afford any more DUIs. So if he blows over a .08, call you and you will come pick him up or he can call a cab.

You don't have a lot of experience with problem drinkers, do you? He could call a cab any time. But he won't b/c that means he needs to get his car the next day, which is a pain. Plus the cost of the cab and the fact that he thinks he will 'lose face' w/ whomever he is with by admitting he's had too much to drive. And I'm not waking up or keeping up my 3 kids under 8 to go pick their drunk daddy at 10, 11 or midnight all the time (this at least once a week).

I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

[Anonymous]

I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

I've never understood people who are so proud to state that while they may be getting older, they "refuse to grow up". I would think this would be something to be ashamed of, not brag about. My friend's husband put this on his FB page on his bday and I just cringed in embarrassment for him. Like I am cringing for you right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

I've never understood people who are so proud to state that while they may be getting older, they "refuse to grow up". I would think this would be something to be ashamed of, not brag about. My friend's husband put this on his FB page on his bday and I just cringed in embarrassment for him. Like I am cringing for you right now.

who said I was bragging? Point is, when I get drunk, I don't drive. Not that hard. Cabs are everywhere, and rather spend $35 on a cab than $3,500 in legal and court and insurance costs.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many of the flamers have driven home "almost" drunk?

We all make mistakes. That doesn't make it right, but we make mistakes nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

I've never understood people who are so proud to state that while they may be getting older, they "refuse to grow up". I would think this would be something to be ashamed of, not brag about. My friend's husband put this on his FB page on his bday and I just cringed in embarrassment for him. Like I am cringing for you right now.

who said I was bragging? Point is, when I get drunk, I don't drive. Not that hard. Cabs are everywhere, and rather spend $35 on a cab than $3,500 in legal and court and insurance costs.

Well, the "I get hammered all the time" part is a bit concerning and smells of adolescent style bragging about how much one consumes alcohol, as if that has any bearing on their acceptability and/or popularity and 'coolness'. Wow, you must be a really 'cool' guy since you get hammered all the time. What fun you must be. Don't we all wish we were fun like you.