I got a DUI and can't live with myself - dont' know what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh regularly comes home from 'work diners' or a 'drink with a client' and seems to me impaired. Not drunk, but effected enough that I can tell he's been drinking: he walks just a bit differently, the cadence and tone voice is different. His reactions to things said in a conversation are bit more exaggerated. He just does things differently. And I can smell it. When I call him on it, he gets very defensive and says he only had 2 drinks and he was eating, so he must be ok and I must be paranoid and/or hysterical and/or overreacting.

He has already had 2 dui in the state of MD so if he gets one more, he's screwed. And, he is a gov't contractor who has a very high clearance (how he got, I'll never know).

I am very worried he will hurt someone one day and fear for that person but also for what it will do to our family. He would most likely go to jail, lose his clearance, thus his job and livelihood, nevermind that we could well be sued by someone who he hurts.


So, yes, the "2 drinks is good" rule of thumb is NOT good for him. IF that's how much he's really having. But I'm pretty sure he's lying about that, too.

What if you called the police after he arrived home drunk? Would they arrest him or would they need further proof that he drove himself home?

[Anonymous]

My friends and i played "breathalyzer poker" one night. We had a DD, so only she was driving. I had 4 beers in 4 hours, then drank water for 2 hours... and blew a 0.10. I am 5'8" and weigh 140 lbs. I think the breathalyzer was calibrated incorrectly because there is no way that my body couldn't process 4 12-oz miller lights in 6 hours and still be above the limit. Scared the crap out of me because I had definitely driven after 4 beers (over 4-6 hours) before.

Since you were right at the limit, your lawyer might be able to call into question the accuracy of the breathalyzer calibration. fyi, though - a "drink" of wine is 5 oz, but most restaurant pours are closer to 6 oz, so that might have be part of the problem. I think a judge is more likely to be lenient for a first offender right at the limit, then for a repeat offender or someone who was way over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of the flamers have driven home "almost" drunk?

We all make mistakes. That doesn't make it right, but we make mistakes nonetheless.

Drinking and driving isn't a mistake because this is a conscious choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

I've never understood people who are so proud to state that while they may be getting older, they "refuse to grow up". I would think this would be something to be ashamed of, not brag about. My friend's husband put this on his FB page on his bday and I just cringed in embarrassment for him. Like I am cringing for you right now.

who said I was bragging? Point is, when I get drunk, I don't drive. Not that hard. Cabs are everywhere, and rather spend $35 on a cab than $3,500 in legal and court and insurance costs.

Well, the "I get hammered all the time" part is a bit concerning and smells of adolescent style bragging about how much one consumes alcohol, as if that has any bearing on their acceptability and/or popularity and 'coolness'. Wow, you must be a really 'cool' guy since you get hammered all the time. What fun you must be. Don't we all wish we were fun like you.

Why are you picking on this guy? He posted to say, yes, a sane person calls a cab after drinking. Even a sane person who gets hammered all the time. Good for you, sir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

I've never understood people who are so proud to state that while they may be getting older, they "refuse to grow up". I would think this would be something to be ashamed of, not brag about. My friend's husband put this on his FB page on his bday and I just cringed in embarrassment for him. Like I am cringing for you right now.

who said I was bragging? Point is, when I get drunk, I don't drive. Not that hard. Cabs are everywhere, and rather spend $35 on a cab than $3,500 in legal and court and insurance costs.

Well, the "I get hammered all the time" part is a bit concerning and smells of adolescent style bragging about how much one consumes alcohol, as if that has any bearing on their acceptability and/or popularity and 'coolness'. Wow, you must be a really 'cool' guy since you get hammered all the time. What fun you must be. Don't we all wish we were fun like you.

Why are you picking on this guy? He posted to say, yes, a sane person calls a cab after drinking. Even a sane person who gets hammered all the time. Good for you, sir.

Not picking on him calling a cab. That's good. Getting hammered all time? Not good and contributes to a culture that believes alcohol is a prerequisite to fun and social acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

I've never understood people who are so proud to state that while they may be getting older, they "refuse to grow up". I would think this would be something to be ashamed of, not brag about. My friend's husband put this on his FB page on his bday and I just cringed in embarrassment for him. Like I am cringing for you right now.

who said I was bragging? Point is, when I get drunk, I don't drive. Not that hard. Cabs are everywhere, and rather spend $35 on a cab than $3,500 in legal and court and insurance costs.

Well, the "I get hammered all the time" part is a bit concerning and smells of adolescent style bragging about how much one consumes alcohol, as if that has any bearing on their acceptability and/or popularity and 'coolness'. Wow, you must be a really 'cool' guy since you get hammered all the time. What fun you must be. Don't we all wish we were fun like you.

Why are you picking on this guy? He posted to say, yes, a sane person calls a cab after drinking. Even a sane person who gets hammered all the time. Good for you, sir.

Not picking on him calling a cab. That's good. Getting hammered all time? Not good and contributes to a culture that believes alcohol is a prerequisite to fun and social acceptance.

hah, I don't care what he/she thinks. If I go to a ballgame with 3 old college buddies, we are going to have a great time and pound multiple beers. Same thing if I am on a golf trip. Not like I go home and have 4 martinis by myself. Social drinking is fun, in my opinion. That isn't a brag, doesn't mean I am cool, just my opinion. Doesn't mean you are an alcoholic or have a problem, which so many have a hard time believing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get hammered all the time, and I call a cab or call my wife.

This is not something to brag about.

I've never understood people who are so proud to state that while they may be getting older, they "refuse to grow up". I would think this would be something to be ashamed of, not brag about. My friend's husband put this on his FB page on his bday and I just cringed in embarrassment for him. Like I am cringing for you right now.

who said I was bragging? Point is, when I get drunk, I don't drive. Not that hard. Cabs are everywhere, and rather spend $35 on a cab than $3,500 in legal and court and insurance costs.

Well, the "I get hammered all the time" part is a bit concerning and smells of adolescent style bragging about how much one consumes alcohol, as if that has any bearing on their acceptability and/or popularity and 'coolness'. Wow, you must be a really 'cool' guy since you get hammered all the time. What fun you must be. Don't we all wish we were fun like you.

Why are you picking on this guy? He posted to say, yes, a sane person calls a cab after drinking. Even a sane person who gets hammered all the time. Good for you, sir.

Not picking on him calling a cab. That's good. Getting hammered all time? Not good and contributes to a culture that believes alcohol is a prerequisite to fun and social acceptance.

hah, I don't care what he/she thinks. If I go to a ballgame with 3 old college buddies, we are going to have a great time and pound multiple beers. Same thing if I am on a golf trip. Not like I go home and have 4 martinis by myself. Social drinking is fun, in my opinion. That isn't a brag, doesn't mean I am cool, just my opinion. Doesn't mean you are an alcoholic or have a problem, which so many have a hard time believing.

I hope one day you emerge from your extended adolescence. The phrase "great time and pound multiple beers" is a sign that you think it would not be a great time if you were not pounding multiple beers." Or on the golf trip. That's a red flag, which is why it seems to you that "so many have a hard time believing". Would you still have a great time if you and all your 'buddies' did not drink at all? You sound like someone in denial, to me. Or very young.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP: Sadly, you'll probably get 6 months probation. I hope you go to jail because you are an idiot and a moron. Those defending you are as well. As someone who has spent years working with MADD, I can tell you that it is not those who are completely "hammered" that cause accidents, but those who have had 3-5 drinks and think they are ok to drive who are the offenders that cause most accidents. It's because they think they are ok, but have the deleyed response.

Try going to a meeting of parents who have lost their children to drunk driving and tell them how sorry you are that you were foolish this one time - and I promise you will never drive drunk again. A grown woman pulling over to the side of the road to pee? Seriously? Who the hell are you? Gr

[Anonymous]

remind me not to invite you on our next golf trip. b-o-r-i-n-g.

of course it would not be nearly as fun if we weren't drinking heavily the entire time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:remind me not to invite you on our next golf trip. b-o-r-i-n-g.

of course it would not be nearly as fun if we weren't drinking heavily the entire time.

quod erat demonstratum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of the flamers have driven home "almost" drunk?

We all make mistakes. That doesn't make it right, but we make mistakes nonetheless.

Drinking and driving isn't a mistake because this is a conscious choice.

I dunno. I've driven home before when I thought I was okay, only to realize later that maybe I shouldn't have done that. But then again, one light beer will get me buzzed (and I'm fat)! Conceptually, I'll think, "Of course I can drive -- I've had only one beer!" but in reality, I should stay put. I think that's what the OP may have experienced -- after all, it was only two drinks, right? Most people can tolerate two drinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of the flamers have driven home "almost" drunk?

We all make mistakes. That doesn't make it right, but we make mistakes nonetheless.

Drinking and driving isn't a mistake because this is a conscious choice.

I dunno. I've driven home before when I thought I was okay, only to realize later that maybe I shouldn't have done that. But then again, one light beer will get me buzzed (and I'm fat)! Conceptually, I'll think, "Of course I can drive -- I've had only one beer!" but in reality, I should stay put. I think that's what the OP may have experienced -- after all, it was only two drinks, right? Most people can tolerate two drinks.

Most people *think* they can tolerate 2 drinks, but lots of people can't. And some usually can, but sometimes can't. But don't realize it until its too late. Thus the need for the 0.0 law.

[Anonymous]

A glass of wine is all it takes to get me feeling good. Which probably means I shouldn't drive after that. I mean, if I'm feeling nice and relaxed, its probably also effecting reaction time, right? I mean if I feel different after having a glass of wine vs having a glass of water, its effecting me, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that talking on a handheld cell phone while driving causes a level of driving impairment similar to a couple of drinks. So for anyone inclined to go all holier-than-thou, check a mirror.

Agree. I can't believe how many people think it's OK to be on the phone, or worse, TEXT, or get behind the wheel after a few drinks. It just blows my mind. You are maneuvering a two-ton chunk of steel and rubber at high speeds while you have your eyes on your blackberry?! Or taking pictures of cars with funny license plates in the other lane? You moron! If you don't mind leaving your children orphans please feel free and drown yourself in the privacy of your own home. But spare my kids the agony of growing up without their parents. Or me the heartbreak of having to bury my children. Or worse, see them waste away hooked up to life support.

Anyone caught doing any of these things should get their license taken away on the spot. No questions asked. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A glass of wine is all it takes to get me feeling good. Which probably means I shouldn't drive after that. I mean, if I'm feeling nice and relaxed, its probably also effecting reaction time, right? I mean if I feel different after having a glass of wine vs having a glass of water, its effecting me, right?

feeling relaxed does not equal impaired.

i feel relaxed and stress free after a 5 mile run or a massage.