What do you think of this!?

[Anonymous]

Be honest OP and others--"if something happens to the kids..." do you really think any of the crazy hypotheticals you came up with (aside from the very real problem of leaving the car running and fumes) are likely to happen? Really? If so, how do you get out bed in the morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP and I just wanted to point out again that I didn't call the cops, and neither of us called CPS. My friend called the cops and I did not know about it. I was surprised to hear that she'd done that, but honestly a little relieved because I thought surely she would stop leaving the kids in the car once the police gave her a ticket or warned her.

Her life was not at all ruined, nor do I think it should be. I just think she should stop leaving her kids in the car unattended for so long in a public place. I did not approach her personally because I was uncomfortable doing so...I am non confrontational and I didn't think it'd make any difference anyway. What I did was say something to the owner of the studio, because I thought they may even face liability of some sort if something happened (though I am not a lawyer and didn't say anything to that effect to the owner). Nor do I know what kind of liability the studio would or wouldn't face in the event of an injury so please lawyers don't jump down my throat. I think what she is doing is unsafe but now that I've notified the studio owner and the police have come I'm finished worrying about it. If something happens to the kids...well...nothing I could have done about it.

While I understand yours and your friend's concern, I do think that calling the police without first approaching the other woman about it is an act of sheer cowardice on the part of your friend. If you can't approach someone with your concern about their (or their child's wellbeing) don't try to then couch your act of cowardice with it later..."I was so worried about the children...". Uh-hunh. Tell the mother first.

I grew up in state-controlled society--that's how it's always justified. That happened a lot there. Tell the authorities everything. Never tell anyone else. Your friend is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

OP, you state that the woman's life wasn't ruined. That was not due to anything you didn't do. Your friends full intention was to call the authority on her in hopes to get her in trouble. You seem surprised that her life wasn't ruined. People like you make me sick. Everyone has a different way of parenting. She clearly is neglecting a child, why would you put her in a position where she could potentially loose her child and have to fight legal battles to prove she is a good mother. Do you think you are that amazing!!! As a mother I wouldn't want to do that to any mother unless I saw her hitting a child.

[Anonymous]

I meant she is clearly NOT neglecting her child(monitor, clear line of sight)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not being snarky, but I don't understand why you would think it's OK to not say anything to her, but it is ok to call the police/CPS. I can imagine that having the police/CPS confront their mother is terrifying for kids. If the point is to help/save the children wouldn't it be safer to confront her directly rather than escalating it to CPS?

Exactly. I like this. OP, maybe if you had talked to her, asked her questions, gotten to know her a little bit, maybe you would have felt comfortable enough to ask her about the car situation. It really doesn't seem like she was being this horribly neglectful mother. I wouldn't have done what she's doing, but it really sounds like her kids were not in any immediate danger... at least not enough danger that the cops or cps should get involved.

Talking to her first, I think, would have been the best option. Instead, you and your friend come off as two meddling, judgmental women, wringing your hands in the corner and whispering about what a horrible mother she is. And then calling the cops on her?

That's definitely not what I would've done.

Completely disagree with this. Call CPS and the police. Do it anonymously if necessary.
I used to hire a babysitter to watch my younger ones when older ones had activities I didn't want to miss.
This mom sounds irresponsible, and possibly not too bright.

You are a coward.

If you feel something isn't right then speak up for yourself and the kids you think you are protecting. Otherwise, mind your own damn business. Calling CPS over some BS. Go live in a communist place if that's the first thing that comes to your mind.

Do you know how much hassle that can put in someone's life, when you could have just talked to the person to see where their head is?? But I guess you don't care. Just wait until someone does it to you because of a choice that you make. Don't think you are immune, you are not, there are many crazy cowards just like you.

[Anonymous]

If she is inside watching her other child dancing, then how is she watching her other two children? I guess she has eyes in the back of her head? How can she think this is a good idea. I think what the friend did was reasonable. She knew that the woman had already been told by the dance studio to bring the children in, and she didn't do it. The only other thing to do is call the police because she is doing something illegal. You know it's pointless to talk to the woman, she clearly thinks its ok. For OP or her friend to say otherwise, will get them nowhere. I would say WOW again, but was asked not to, so I won't. Someone could steal the car, perhaps the parking break wasn't engaged, and the car could roll into something, a reaction could start in the car, and an explosion or fire could start, who knows and who wants to know. Just bring your children in and watch over them, that's your job.

[Anonymous]

Considering the minor BS that people freak the f*ck out about on DCUM, it's unbelievable to me that so many people are rushing to the defense of someone who is leaving her babies unattended in a running car, in a public parking lot, for an extended period of time. For no other reason that she wants to watch a dance rehearsal.

But, you know, it's a-okay because she has a baby monitor!

Oy vey. You people are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay. I have thought it over. I think the environmental concerns of leaving a car running for 45 minutes are worse than the rest.

A monitor plus a visual? Not worth calling the police over and ruining people's lives.

This is not the brightest decision, but it is also not terribly dangerous, in spite of the hysterical what ifs presented in this thread.

Think it over--ruining this woman's and her children's lives (potentially) because you don't agree with her choice?

I beg you to think of the less obvious risks you take everyday but are more likely to result in bad consequences. Sure, it may be legal to turn a 1 year old forward facing or feed them junk every day, but both have more statistically probable bad outcomes than this action.

Would you want someone disrupting your life over those choices?

I agree with PP. You know what I did today, I left my DS in the car when I ran into Starbucks because:
1)He was napping
2) There was a parking spot directly in front
3) I have a new car with remote start so I can turn it off, exit, lock and activate the alarm then turn on the remote start so the car runs without a key in the ignition and it cannot be stolen unless someone stole the key from me, too.

He was in the car all of 4 minutes and it was no big deal. You know what else I do? When we pull into the garage and he is asleep, sometimes I leave him in his carseat with the car door open and the door to the garage open. He sleeps in the car in the heated garage... The horror!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not being snarky, but I don't understand why you would think it's OK to not say anything to her, but it is ok to call the police/CPS. I can imagine that having the police/CPS confront their mother is terrifying for kids. If the point is to help/save the children wouldn't it be safer to confront her directly rather than escalating it to CPS?

Exactly. I like this. OP, maybe if you had talked to her, asked her questions, gotten to know her a little bit, maybe you would have felt comfortable enough to ask her about the car situation. It really doesn't seem like she was being this horribly neglectful mother. I wouldn't have done what she's doing, but it really sounds like her kids were not in any immediate danger... at least not enough danger that the cops or cps should get involved.

Talking to her first, I think, would have been the best option. Instead, you and your friend come off as two meddling, judgmental women, wringing your hands in the corner and whispering about what a horrible mother she is. And then calling the cops on her?

That's definitely not what I would've done.

Completely disagree with this. Call CPS and the police. Do it anonymously if necessary.
I used to hire a babysitter to watch my younger ones when older ones had activities I didn't want to miss.
This mom sounds irresponsible, and possibly not too bright.

You are a coward.

If you feel something isn't right then speak up for yourself and the kids you think you are protecting. Otherwise, mind your own damn business. Calling CPS over some BS. Go live in a communist place if that's the first thing that comes to your mind.

Do you know how much hassle that can put in someone's life, when you could have just talked to the person to see where their head is?? But I guess you don't care. Just wait until someone does it to you because of a choice that you make. Don't think you are immune, you are not, there are many crazy cowards just like you.

I don't feel that I am a coward. Most parents in this area become extremely defensive when anyone questions their parenting choices. Considering this choice she has made to leave her babies in the car with the engine running, I am afraid she is not someone I would want to hold a parenting conversation with.
Sorry this upsets you, but it is a free country and would be my choice to call if I were concerned about the situation.

[Anonymous]

With the car running?????? If so, you are even crazier than the woman OP is talking about!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. I have thought it over. I think the environmental concerns of leaving a car running for 45 minutes are worse than the rest.

A monitor plus a visual? Not worth calling the police over and ruining people's lives.

This is not the brightest decision, but it is also not terribly dangerous, in spite of the hysterical what ifs presented in this thread.

Think it over--ruining this woman's and her children's lives (potentially) because you don't agree with her choice?

I beg you to think of the less obvious risks you take everyday but are more likely to result in bad consequences. Sure, it may be legal to turn a 1 year old forward facing or feed them junk every day, but both have more statistically probable bad outcomes than this action.

Would you want someone disrupting your life over those choices?

I agree with PP. You know what I did today, I left my DS in the car when I ran into Starbucks because:
1)He was napping
2) There was a parking spot directly in front
3) I have a new car with remote start so I can turn it off, exit, lock and activate the alarm then turn on the remote start so the car runs without a key in the ignition and it cannot be stolen unless someone stole the key from me, too.

He was in the car all of 4 minutes and it was no big deal. You know what else I do? When we pull into the garage and he is asleep, sometimes I leave him in his carseat with the car door open and the door to the garage open. He sleeps in the car in the heated garage... The horror!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

With the car running?????? If so, you are even crazier than the woman OP is talking about!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. I have thought it over. I think the environmental concerns of leaving a car running for 45 minutes are worse than the rest.

A monitor plus a visual? Not worth calling the police over and ruining people's lives.

This is not the brightest decision, but it is also not terribly dangerous, in spite of the hysterical what ifs presented in this thread.

Think it over--ruining this woman's and her children's lives (potentially) because you don't agree with her choice?

I beg you to think of the less obvious risks you take everyday but are more likely to result in bad consequences. Sure, it may be legal to turn a 1 year old forward facing or feed them junk every day, but both have more statistically probable bad outcomes than this action.

Would you want someone disrupting your life over those choices?

I agree with PP. You know what I did today, I left my DS in the car when I ran into Starbucks because:
1)He was napping
2) There was a parking spot directly in front
3) I have a new car with remote start so I can turn it off, exit, lock and activate the alarm then turn on the remote start so the car runs without a key in the ignition and it cannot be stolen unless someone stole the key from me, too.

He was in the car all of 4 minutes and it was no big deal. You know what else I do? When we pull into the garage and he is asleep, sometimes I leave him in his carseat with the car door open and the door to the garage open. He sleeps in the car in the heated garage... The horror!

No, when he is in the car in the garage the car is off because the garage thermostat is set to 65 so it is plenty warm in the garage. I don't really use heat in the car anyway, we have a Patagonia car seat blanket that my 1 yo snuggles with.

[Anonymous]

You are a coward.

If you feel something isn't right then speak up for yourself and the kids you think you are protecting. Otherwise, mind your own damn business. Calling CPS over some BS. Go live in a communist place if that's the first thing that comes to your mind.

Do you know how much hassle that can put in someone's life, when you could have just talked to the person to see where their head is?? But I guess you don't care. Just wait until someone does it to you because of a choice that you make. Don't think you are immune, you are not, there are many crazy cowards just like you.



i agree 100% with this PP. don't make someone else do something you are uncomfortable with - if you were honestly concerned, you would have put the kids' welfare above your own comfort level.

i do think it's stupid to leave kids in a car like that - and i bet they sleep the whole time because they are high on exhaust fumes.....

[Anonymous]

This whole "cowardice" discussion is bizarre. Talking to the woman by yourself will probably have zero results, whereas getting the authorities involved will. That's why you call the police. It's not because you are a coward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a coward.

If you feel something isn't right then speak up for yourself and the kids you think you are protecting. Otherwise, mind your own damn business. Calling CPS over some BS. Go live in a communist place if that's the first thing that comes to your mind.

Do you know how much hassle that can put in someone's life, when you could have just talked to the person to see where their head is?? But I guess you don't care. Just wait until someone does it to you because of a choice that you make. Don't think you are immune, you are not, there are many crazy cowards just like you.



i agree 100% with this PP. don't make someone else do something you are uncomfortable with - if you were honestly concerned, you would have put the kids' welfare above your own comfort level.

i do think it's stupid to leave kids in a car like that - and i bet they sleep the whole time because they are high on exhaust fumes.....

I honestly would not confront the mother unless I thought the kids were in immediate danger. I do not feel that leaving your babies alone in a car with the engine running is "BS". Shows a serious lack of judgment, IMO. If her judgment is so off in parenting, I would not want to wrangle with her in any way. Too many crazies around.

[Anonymous]

Next dance class --- when she has turned away for a few minutes (and she will cause she's in there watching the dance class -- can't watch the car and the class) -- someone should yell, "Hey -- get away from there!" and say they saw someone trying to get into the car. It will scare the holy cr** outta her. Just don't say it's some random black man susan smith.