My dad calls every other day, sometimes every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have time to post on/read DCUM 5 mins a day (which many of us exceed by far), then you have time to make idle chit-chat with your dad.

I just talked to my dad. It took 3 minutes and 41 seconds out of my day. My dad deserves at least that.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ, people. The only person I want to talk to EVERY DAY is my husband. Different strokes. Get over yourselves.

[Anonymous]

I think it's easy for people who don't have young kids to realize how precious time is, especially when you throw in work and the rest of life. I talk to my mom every night, but she is really respectful that I've had a full day of work and just gotten the kids down. I call her to share a few funny stories...we talk for a few minutes, done. Sometimes I'm like, it's been a rough day, just calling to say goodnight! and she gets it.

I email her during the day too (and see my parents pretty frequently, every 2-3 weeks).

OP my advice is to just say, dad, I've got so much going on. I always have time for you, but I am trying to better organize myself and my time.

Frame it that way - put limits on your conversations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ, people. The only person I want to talk to EVERY DAY is my husband. Different strokes. Get over yourselves.

If you were my child, I would prefer that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not ungrateful.

Just don't answer. Let him leave a message, and when you do talk to him and he questions your whereabouts, just say, "I've been very busy, Dad."

I completely agee.

My parents both died many years ago and I really hate the "you never know when they will be gone!" because this applies to everyone. Talk to him when you can. He will find another person/hobby to fill his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not ungrateful.

Just don't answer. Let him leave a message, and when you do talk to him and he questions your whereabouts, just say, "I've been very busy, Dad."

I completely agee.

My parents both died many years ago and I really hate the "you never know when they will be gone!" because this applies to everyone. Talk to him when you can. He will find another person/hobby to fill his time.

"Another person/hobby to fill his time?" Very interesting comment. I realize not everyone has the same kind of relationship with their parents, but that comment suggests a lot of emotional distancing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ, people. The only person I want to talk to EVERY DAY is my husband. Different strokes. Get over yourselves.

Hope you'll be able to hold on to that thought when your own child(ren) are older and busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's easy for people who don't have young kids to realize how precious time is, especially when you throw in work and the rest of life. I talk to my mom every night, but she is really respectful that I've had a full day of work and just gotten the kids down. I call her to share a few funny stories...we talk for a few minutes, done. Sometimes I'm like, it's been a rough day, just calling to say goodnight! and she gets it.

I email her during the day too (and see my parents pretty frequently, every 2-3 weeks).

OP my advice is to just say, dad, I've got so much going on. I always have time for you, but I am trying to better organize myself and my time.

Frame it that way - put limits on your conversations, etc.

Your poor mother. It must have been unbelievably difficult delivering a 12-yr old kid. She had you so she and your father know what it is to have young children and I am so sick of people using this excuse to not do so many things. Good lord, you even use this excuse for leaving grocery carts in the middle of a parking lot. I would NEVER say anything like what you suggest to my parents or anyone else. It is rude and definitely disrespectful of her parents.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to those who have left some helpful advice.

I am not going to dwell on the negative comments - there is, of course, a lot of context to my relationship with my dad that I could delve into but I don't think it would matter with a such a judgmental bunch.

Regardless, I DO love my dad and appreciate he will be gone someday, we just need to strike a balance with these things for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's easy for people who don't have young kids to realize how precious time is, especially when you throw in work and the rest of life. I talk to my mom every night, but she is really respectful that I've had a full day of work and just gotten the kids down. I call her to share a few funny stories...we talk for a few minutes, done. Sometimes I'm like, it's been a rough day, just calling to say goodnight! and she gets it.

I email her during the day too (and see my parents pretty frequently, every 2-3 weeks).

OP my advice is to just say, dad, I've got so much going on. I always have time for you, but I am trying to better organize myself and my time.

Frame it that way - put limits on your conversations, etc.

Your poor mother. It must have been unbelievably difficult delivering a 12-yr old kid. She had you so she and your father know what it is to have young children and I am so sick of people using this excuse to not do so many things. Good lord, you even use this excuse for leaving grocery carts in the middle of a parking lot. I would NEVER say anything like what you suggest to my parents or anyone else. It is rude and definitely disrespectful of her parents.

Agree. Have to wonder if the poster says the same to his/her own kids: "Son, I've got so much going on. I always have time for you, but I am trying to better organize myself and my time."

[Anonymous]

Sorry that was me that left the shopping cart in the parking lot... Just kidding I'm not sorry for that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to those who have left some helpful advice.

I am not going to dwell on the negative comments - there is, of course, a lot of context to my relationship with my dad that I could delve into but I don't think it would matter with a such a judgmental bunch.

Regardless, I DO love my dad and appreciate he will be gone someday, we just need to strike a balance with these things for now.

Not trying to be judgmental here. But truly, knowing and realizing that a parent will be gone some day is just not the same. I would never have believed the emptiness and sense of loss from absolutely never being able to talk to either of my parents ever again. I'm a grandmother and try to focus on the many blessings I have in my life and our precious grandchildren. Still, it's an incredible void.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not ungrateful.

Just don't answer. Let him leave a message, and when you do talk to him and he questions your whereabouts, just say, "I've been very busy, Dad."

I completely agee.

My parents both died many years ago and I really hate the "you never know when they will be gone!" because this applies to everyone. Talk to him when you can. He will find another person/hobby to fill his time.

"Another person/hobby to fill his time?" Very interesting comment. I realize not everyone has the same kind of relationship with their parents, but that comment suggests a lot of emotional distancing.

I think the kind of relationship you are talking about where the child consumes the parent's life is far from healty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not ungrateful.

Just don't answer. Let him leave a message, and when you do talk to him and he questions your whereabouts, just say, "I've been very busy, Dad."

OP here again. I will say this - one of the problems is that he will not leave a message; he will call me, and then he will call my husband, and then he will call my mother (they've been divorced 14 years now) if he doesn't reach me. This doesn't always happen, but it frequently will. Another reason I do pick up the phone: I know my husband doesn't entertain idle conversation on the phone, and my mother doesn't want to speak with him.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't entertain idle conversation on the phone either, so I know how your DH feels. Your dad misses you. Try to enjoy it. You do not have to answer every time he calls. But every night or every other night is not too much to ask. My dad used to call me at the same time each time. That time can never be filled or substituted, it is just empty now. I am so close to giving you my number for your dad to call. I miss my father every day. I am not saying this in a DCUM overly dramatic way, just try to see his side. My mom is a pretty terrible mom, so he was all I had. You might be all he has.