My dad calls every other day, sometimes every day

[Anonymous]

Someday you will be the one calling your child...how would you like them to respond?

[Anonymous]

Also, I see that you lumped your dog in with your husband and child as things that are more important than speaking with your dad for a few minutes. Please reconsider this stance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I forgot how bad it was because I lived overseas for a few years (he didn't call since he couldn't figure out how to!).

He calls literally every other day, sometimes daily, just to chat. It's driving me crazy. I am away from home, my 1-year-old, husband, and dog 11 hours/day, am not even managing time to work out at the moment, and it is all I can do to mask my irritation every time the phone says "Dad".

I usually pick up because who knows... it could be something important. Besides, he will just harass my mom (his ex-wife) if I don't speak to him for a few days to find out "what's wrong" with me.

He's employed, works OT frequently even, and married. Yet he wants to talk ALL THE TIME. I don't even enjoy talking on the phone, so it's especially annoying.

I don't think I am going to change him, so I just wanted to vent!!!

you are a horrible person. anyone can find time to talk for a few minutes to their parent - love that you included "being away from my dog" in a post devoid of humanity ... I talk to my dad all the time, pretty much every drive home. Who knows how many years I will have him around?

[Anonymous]

I don't think I know anyone who talks to their parents everyday! I am not really a phone person though, even with friends or my husband.

I would definitely schedule a time once a week or so to talk. I really love my parents and communicate that to them in many ways, but I would be really overwhelmed talking to them (or anyone besides my husband) every day. And stop picking up the phone every time he calls and only answer when you actually want to talk to him. He can leave a message. Also think about other ways you can stay in touch and communicate your love for him.

[Anonymous]

You should feel lucky that he bothers to call you.
My mom hasn't called me in 9 months!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe don't answer the phone every time he calls, and try to remember he won't be here forever. My dad died last year and I could give anything to have my phone say "Dad" when it rings.

PP is right. It seems that your father loves you and needs you. He is your father--not an insurance salesman. Let me tell you something, once the voice of a loved one is stilled, it is forever. Someday you will give anything just to hear his voice. Too bad for him that you are a selfish brat.

[Anonymous]

Man you guys are HARSH. I have a sister who calls me every day and wants to chat aimlessly and can not take a hint that I'm otherwise occupied Typically her "call time" is while I'm getting the kids ready for bed -- should I just forego baths and stories because some day my sister will be dead? I can't talk at work, then I get home, make dinner (bad time to talk because usually helping w/homework at same time), spend time with kids. I'm free to talk after they are in bed, but don't want to use that little bit of time EVERY night talking with this sister. I do have other friends, family members, and oh yeah, my husband. This pie is sliced into a lot of pieces, and I'm sorry but my kids and husband have to get the largest pieces right now.

[Anonymous]

I agree with what most posters are saying -- be grateful for your father's daily presence in your life.

But I wonder what the group reaction would be if it were the husband's parent calling every day -- especially the mother? Would you all stil be saying "enjoy this while you can -- her voice will some day be stilled"?

I've noticed that this crowd can be pretty brutal about wanting to put husband's mother on an ice flow if she dares to presume that she can still talk to her son on a daily basis.

-- Mother of boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with what most posters are saying -- be grateful for your father's daily presence in your life.

But I wonder what the group reaction would be if it were the husband's parent calling every day -- especially the mother? Would you all stil be saying "enjoy this while you can -- her voice will some day be stilled"?

I've noticed that this crowd can be pretty brutal about wanting to put husband's mother on an ice flow if she dares to presume that she can still talk to her son on a daily basis.

-- Mother of boys

DH's mom calls once a week and I miss it. He's always so happy to talk to her I actually ask him to call her mid week.

We live 2 oceans away, that might mean something

[Anonymous]

I talk to my Mom once a month- less if I can avoid it. She is a bitter alcoholic and all around unpleasant to be around. Criticizes me whenever she can. My brother abused me all through childhood, I talk to him once a year. My dad dies when I was little.

My friends are my family, and yes I too would do anything to get a call from my Dad. But I understand you not wanting to answer, I screen my mom every week.

[Anonymous]

01:54, I feel sorry for your situation, but it is not like OP's, since OP never said her father was abusive or a bad parent in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Man you guys are HARSH. I have a sister who calls me every day and wants to chat aimlessly and can not take a hint that I'm otherwise occupied Typically her "call time" is while I'm getting the kids ready for bed -- should I just forego baths and stories because some day my sister will be dead? I can't talk at work, then I get home, make dinner (bad time to talk because usually helping w/homework at same time), spend time with kids. I'm free to talk after they are in bed, but don't want to use that little bit of time EVERY night talking with this sister. I do have other friends, family members, and oh yeah, my husband. This pie is sliced into a lot of pieces, and I'm sorry but my kids and husband have to get the largest pieces right now.

Ditto. I think this is about setting boundaries, and that doesn't mean you can't continue to express love and affection, people! Talking on the phone to someone everyday is not the only way! We could all die at anytime. Now, I might advise something else if OPs father knew he had a few months to live, but that is not the case here.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally understand what you are saying. My mom would call me multiple times a day, just to "check in." I also understand the fear of an emergency that drives you to pick up the phone. But I stopped doing it and I suggest you do to. Here's my suggestions:

Have a set time of day, every day, when you talk to your dad. Tell dad that will be his time and make it a grand announcement. "Dad, I just got a new scheduler, and you are the very first person I'm putting in it. I am scheduling 10 a.m. every day just for our daily call!" That kind of thing. Then stick to it as much as humanly possible, but get off the phone after 10 minutes of chat and I love you.

Don't answer the phone if it's Dad otherwise. You have an answering machine and voice mail, right? You will know if it's an emergency right away, or even if it's a minor kerfuffle and Dad needs you.

OP, it's very hard to be part of the "club sandwich" generation. People who posted here trying to guilt you about his eventual death just don't get it. Of course you love your dad. It's not about not loving him.

[Anonymous]

My mom lives 5 minutes away. Sometimes we talk 5 times a day.

depends on what sort of relationship you have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will be the one calling your child...how would you like them to respond?

This is exactly what I was thinking. I'm so happy to see the posts from those who talk every day. My fear is I'll get a text once a week.

Signed,
the parentless daughter, who talked on the phone once a week when they were alive and now wish it had been more