My dad calls every other day, sometimes every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives 5 minutes away. Sometimes we talk 5 times a day.

depends on what sort of relationship you have

My daughter and I have a similar relationship (some days only talk once or not at all, other days quite a bit--depends), and I felt the same closeness to my own mom until she passed away. I realize not everyone has the same, but it's a true blessing. I'd give almost anything to be able to pick up the phone and hear my mom's or dad's dear voice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my mom 1-4 times a day, depends if anything is going on. Most conversations only last a couple minutes at most. She talks to all my siblings at least once a day. The majority of my friends talk to their parents once a day. We are in our late 20's/early 30's.

This is my exact relationship with my mom and my mom with my sisters. I thought we were the only ones. Haha!

Me too except I'm 40.

[Anonymous]

DH here. My mother always wanted to talk to me, and I did not make enough time for her. It obviously upset her, and I did call her from time to time, but clearly not as much as she would like. And since I was young and working and traveling, mostly she would get my answering machine at home.

When she passed away, I found a box. In that box were notes she wrote her mom and dad for the four years she was in college. She wrote a letter three times a week. My grandmother saved every one of them in a box, neatly sorted by date for each of the four years.

When I realized what she had done for her mother, and then I realized how many times I blew her off because I was busy with MY life, I felt very, very bad. I didn't even have kids then, so I had no idea how much it must hurt to feel separated from the children you built your life around. But I felt like I had failed to meet an important need in her life because of my selfishness.

I think you should try to organize the calls to make them easier. But don't ignore it. If your father is calling you every day or every few days, he has a real emotional need. He did his best to meet yours. Don't do like I did.

[Anonymous]

Given you are gone 11 hours a day, I would just not answer the phone during the hour or so of family time you have when you get home. Seeing as you only see your child briefly, I wouldn't give up that time to talk on the phone. Just tell you dad to call you after 8:00pm or whatever time as you can't talk until then.

I am not in the camp of you owe our parents to the extent that should become a number one priority. I think calling everyday to talk about baseball may be a sign your dad is bored or lonely. Maybe set a day every couple weeks to visit and then cut down a bit on the calls in between. Talking 2-3 times a week seems like a good balance. Can you multi task and talk to him while you are walking the dog or cleaning up after child's bedtime so that it isn't taking hours of your minimal free time? Does your dad do email - you could touch base by email each day...

I am close to my parents and see them often and we email and call weekly but I would not want to spend an hour on the phone each day with them hearing every little detail of their activities.

[Anonymous]

I hate the phone - that being said, my mother and I email probably 5-10 times a day. Things like "OMG mom, this chick is wearing a horrible dress - and attach photo" or my mom will email me "just left the doctor, everything fine. Gained 2 lbs!"

It allows us to live our lives, yet be in constant communication. I love my mom and can't imagine a time when I won't have her in my life.

Perhaps you could introduce your father to email? That way, you can have him in your life....but on your terms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with what most posters are saying -- be grateful for your father's daily presence in your life.

But I wonder what the group reaction would be if it were the husband's parent calling every day -- especially the mother? Would you all stil be saying "enjoy this while you can -- her voice will some day be stilled"?

I've noticed that this crowd can be pretty brutal about wanting to put husband's mother on an ice flow if she dares to presume that she can still talk to her son on a daily basis.

-- Mother of boys

I talk to my dad and mom almost every day, but why would I want to talk to my in-laws? don't get the post. My wife talks to them every day too, doesn't bother me in the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my Mom once a month- less if I can avoid it. She is a bitter alcoholic and all around unpleasant to be around. Criticizes me whenever she can. My brother abused me all through childhood, I talk to him once a year. My dad dies when I was little.

My friends are my family, and yes I too would do anything to get a call from my Dad. But I understand you not wanting to answer, I screen my mom every week.

sad, but not the norm or the ideal.

[Anonymous]

My parents were divorced when I was growing up. As a result, I would love more interaction with my dad and would welcome the daily calls, if only for a minute to just say hi. I tried to do the same thing once myself, but it wasn't received well, so I stopped calling. Now, we talk every now and then. I do love my dad though.

Sounds like this is your dads way of reaching out to you and trying to connect with you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand completely. I hate talking on the phone, I really do, and mom insists that I call her at least once a day otherwise she gets a nervous breakdown (anxiety issues).

Super annoying but I do it bc it makes her calmer and happy.

[Anonymous]

OP, please be patient, this is part of that concept called family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man you guys are HARSH. I have a sister who calls me every day and wants to chat aimlessly and can not take a hint that I'm otherwise occupied Typically her "call time" is while I'm getting the kids ready for bed -- should I just forego baths and stories because some day my sister will be dead? I can't talk at work, then I get home, make dinner (bad time to talk because usually helping w/homework at same time), spend time with kids. I'm free to talk after they are in bed, but don't want to use that little bit of time EVERY night talking with this sister. I do have other friends, family members, and oh yeah, my husband. This pie is sliced into a lot of pieces, and I'm sorry but my kids and husband have to get the largest pieces right now.

My sister is like this too. She is a total phone person..and I am the exact opposite. It's almost comical..fortunately she usu. gets my mom on the phone first daily so I don't get it as much. I also have such limited time because I wah and my kids are in preschool for about 6 hours so I have to crack down and have no distractions and then I am immediately running to activities or doing dinner and the whole evening ritual..by 9:30-10 I am finally done. My sister's kids are all teenagers now..but truthfully she has always been like this..one of the things we love but it is a running family joke.

[Anonymous]

I thought I was the only one with a dad that called everyday---to talk about *nothing in particular*! I also get frustrated sometimes, but I try to remember how much he's done for the family and I also believe that he is quite lonely so I don't want to ignore the phone.

However, lately what works better is I've been preemptively calling him, at a time that is more convenient for me. Secondly, after a while, I've been telling him that I have to go (time to put kids to bed, cook dinner, etc.) and that seems to be okay with him. I think the main thing is as long as I talk to him for a few minutes, he feels better.

[Anonymous]

just talk to your pop, tell him you love him, and give him a chance to spend lots of time with the grand kids. family is the best part of life.

[Anonymous]

How about preemptively calling him when you have time, say on your commute to or from work? That way its more convenient and he still gets to talk to his kid. FWIW I talk to my mom pretty 1-2 times/day, though not always on weekends and my dad about 1-2 times per week.

[Anonymous]

Lost my Dad too wish I could still see his number on my caller id.