Advice on working for female boss with no kids ...

[Anonymous]

If you focus on your productivity, I really don't think there will be an issue. My boss was very inflexible initially, but as soon as he realized that my performance didn't suffer, he was super flexible. I met any and all deadlines, regardless of personal or child sickness issues, and that really built his trust. Now, he really doesn't care when I work, so long as the work gets done. And, he knows that he doesn't have to micromanage me, so it makes my life much easier.

Co-workers do not have this same flexibility, because they expect changed deadlines and lowered output in these situations. That is reasonable, but really we were hired to do a job. I work for the govt. with public deadlines that can't be changed. The world doesn't stop because my son has the flu, and it's not fair for me to always put my responsibilities on my colleagues.

I know some people who are a little 'sneaky' about things. They might say they're working from home when they really are taking care of their kid part of the time. I have always been very upfront about when I am and am not available, how I plan to meet important deadlines during these times, and what items of lower priority may be delayed slightly because of this and by how long. Being completely straightforward and honest has worked very well for me.

DS has been sick during some VERY busy times. I've worked during naptimes and in the evenings to meet deadlines. In return, my boss knows that I accurately count my hours, and I have not had to take a full sick day in ages. And, I always email my boss updates about what I'm working on and longer term projects - I do not want him to ever have to check up on on how something is going; this is on a regular basis, not just when DS is sick. It works really well - I feel like he knows that I can manage myself and my responsibilities on my own, and I don't let things slip through the cracks. Our relationship is kind of on auto-pilot - definitely less stressful than my first couple months with him!

[Anonymous]

PP here - I also think it's actually easier to just say that my kid is sick, rather than saying that I am. With my work, unless I am supremely ill, I could work from home. I have found that people understand more that you may not be available if you are caring for a sick child rather than if you have the 4th cold/fever combo in the last 6 months. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only who finds it sad that we, as mothers, have to struggle so with work and children? Why do we have to "hide" so much? My daughter was the best thing that happened to me at age 43. Of course, I wanted to "talk" about her. Of course, I would take some leave if she were sick or I wanted to see her preschool show. Of course, I was tired. And, yes, I admitted that to a boss. Others were tired to for other reasons..taking care of elderly parents, sick siblings, etc. I find some much of this talk to "not advertise" that you are leaving for your kid sad. I mean I understand why we have to "cover up" our motherhood and our leaving in the workplace, but gee, you'd think we were out robbing banks!!

I took six months of maternity leave. She was my only child and I was going to make sure she had a good start in life. This is after I'd worked with colleagues for years who did nothing and I had to pick up THEIR slack. This was after my colleagues took 3 week vacations leaving me at work to cover for them. YOu damn bet that I was going to take EVERY BIT
OF LEAVE I NEEDED to take care of this miracle of mine. And I was a good worker!

I just thing after reading these posts, that working moms in this country still get the short end of the stick. What a shame.

I can't speak for anyone, but there is a difference between "hiding" and not droning on about it. Kid sick - you e-mail or call work and say you are taking a sick day. You don't go on and on on a diatribe about the symptoms. Need to leave work early, you say "sorry, need to leave work early." No one needs to know its because you are on the committee who does parties for teachers birthdays. And you work your butt off at all other times so that leaving early one day is barely noticed in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

"Kid sick - you e-mail or call work and say you are taking a sick day. You don't go on and on on a diatribe about the symptoms. Need to leave work early, you say "sorry, need to leave work early." No one needs to know its because you are on the committee who does parties for teachers birthdays. And you work your butt off at all other times so that leaving early one day is barely noticed in the grand scheme of things. "

Ditto. EARN the special treatment, don't EXPECT the special treatment simply because you popped out a baby.
NOBODY CARES!!

[Anonymous]

Since I have been a parent, the worst boss I had was an older, married man with kids.

I took a job with his company because the office was REALLY close to my house. I could walk home and back for lunch. Their work was in my field and when an opening in my specialty came up, I applied there. I was so happy not to have to commute to DC anymore. My baby, as he was well aware, was 9 months old.

But, for example, this guy was so out of touch with reality, that he said to me (I was in marketing for him BTW): "Since you live so close to the office, I put you on the list of staff to respond when there's an alarm after hours. You don't mind coming up here to check on the office do you?" Me: "um, that's fine. Do you think it's safe for a woman alone to come here and check out an alarm in the middle of the night?" Him: "Just get your husband to come with you".

Um, yeah. I'm sure the baby can stay in the house by herself, no problem. Child Protective Services wouldn't mind that at ALL.

Now that I am a mom of two I find I am much more loyal to my employer than I was in my younger, carefree days. Back then, if you did something I didn't like, I'd just leave and get a new job. Or even quit without HAVING a new job yet. But now because I have kids and daycare to pay for and medical insurance I have to be sure they have, I am much more determined to stick it out at an employer, even if it's not an ideal situation. I make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ditto. EARN the special treatment, don't EXPECT the special treatment simply because you popped out a baby.
NOBODY CARES!!

I thought we were all human. I thought an employee has a right to have a life outside of work.

Those child-haters will land up sad and lonely in an old age home and the ones changing their diapers are the babies being born into this world today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ditto. EARN the special treatment, don't EXPECT the special treatment simply because you popped out a baby.
NOBODY CARES!!

I thought we were all human. I thought an employee has a right to have a life outside of work.

Those child-haters will land up sad and lonely in an old age home and the ones changing their diapers are the babies being born into this world today.

See the problem with this comment is that EVERYONE is entitled to a life outside of work. Of course. But that life should be outside of work. And that life need not include child-rearing to be worthwhile and deserving of all the same employment perks as other parent employees enjoy.
Trust me, I don't hate kids. I have two of them. And I also expect the flexibility that I earn at work, the same flexibility that is awarded to non-parents that earn it. In other words, it has nothing to do with being a parent.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP -- I REALLY appreciate all the advice. Two follow-up questions:

1. Would you wear a Mommy necklace with your kids' names inscribed on little pendants? It's small but the names are definitely visible.

2. Would you have a calendar with your kids' photos on your wall?

Too mommy-ish?

[Anonymous]

Too mommyish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP -- I REALLY appreciate all the advice. Two follow-up questions:

1. Would you wear a Mommy necklace with your kids' names inscribed on little pendants? It's small but the names are definitely visible.

2. Would you have a calendar with your kids' photos on your wall?

Too mommy-ish?

I don't about the jewelry - but a lot of high level women in my office have kids' photos and art work in their offices. Actually, a lot of the dads do to. That seems pretty accepted.

[Anonymous]

So a female boss is allowed to be a PAIN and cause as much trouble to married people and those who are parents. Because she can. i.e. no talking about children or anything related to anything outside of work.

A man would not play the game that way. Accept it.

Can you imagine a male boss in a wheelchair not allowing male employees to talk about sport at work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP -- I REALLY appreciate all the advice. Two follow-up questions:

1. Would you wear a Mommy necklace with your kids' names inscribed on little pendants? It's small but the names are definitely visible.

2. Would you have a calendar with your kids' photos on your wall?

Too mommy-ish?

both are fine. after i had kids of my own, i realized how many women wear the mom necklace with the kids names or initials - never once noticed it before...

also, on 30rock, liz lemon wears one with her own initials "L" and "L"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Ditto. EARN the special treatment, don't EXPECT the special treatment simply because you popped out a baby.
NOBODY CARES!!

I thought we were all human. I thought an employee has a right to have a life outside of work.

Those child-haters will land up sad and lonely in an old age home and the ones changing their diapers are the babies being born into this world today.

See the problem with this comment is that EVERYONE is entitled to a life outside of work. Of course. But that life should be outside of work. And that life need not include child-rearing to be worthwhile and deserving of all the same employment perks as other parent employees enjoy.
Trust me, I don't hate kids. I have two of them. And I also expect the flexibility that I earn at work, the same flexibility that is awarded to non-parents that earn it. In other words, it has nothing to do with being a parent.

Are you some hardass attorney? No one is saying they didn't earn it. Of course, we earned it. Problem is fulltime work lives little time for much else, including children and their needs. Many of us must work fulltime. I am convinced my ex crazy unmarried, childless, 50 something FEMALE boss will likely be muttering to herself on a street somewhere in 10 years. I look forward to working for a man next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP -- I REALLY appreciate all the advice. Two follow-up questions:

1. Would you wear a Mommy necklace with your kids' names inscribed on little pendants? It's small but the names are definitely visible.

2. Would you have a calendar with your kids' photos on your wall?

Too mommy-ish?

OP,
Please wear your mommy necklace and PLEASE put up your mommy calendar. If I ever work with you, I'll admire your necklace and the photos of your children..and you can admire my daughter's paintings and pictures on my desk. I worked in a government agency and the attorneys in one division plastered one half of a wall with pics of their children. I loved looking at that wall when I had to drop off something in legal.