Advice on working for female boss with no kids ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was once a "female boss with no kids" - I just didn't understand, because I had no context for understanding. I had never been around small children and had no clue about babies. I had one employee with a small child, and she came to talk to me about some of the issues she was having with her child.

I think, depending on your relationship with your boss, if you bring up what is going on at home - she maybe flexible.

Take it as it comes, not all female bosses are hard asses just because they don't have kids (maybe they are trying and just haven't had kids yet - maybe they will be very understanding).

I agree with this. I have been upfront with my managers simply because I must have flexible hours, etc. While they all have been understanding, I do sometimes get the sense that some do not really get it, however I have made up for that by working hard and making myself indispensable. On the other hand, if things don't seem to be working out, I'll either speak directly to my manager about his/her expectations and whether I'm meeting them, or I'll look for alternatives (new job, different department, or (as a last resort) becoming a SAHM temporarily).

[Anonymous]

I managed a large number of employees both before and after kids. I can't say that I make more concessions now than I did in the past but I have always been pretty flexible as long as you are smart, very productive, and make it up later at some point. The level of flexibility that I extend to an employee is directly related to how well they perform and the reason why they want to tele-work, shift their schedule, come in late or leave early doesn't really matter to me. I would be highly annoyed at someone who performed just OK to to just barely and expected special considerations just because she has children. I would be even more annoyed by an employee who felt that I would expect less of her if I had my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I managed a large number of employees both before and after kids. I can't say that I make more concessions now than I did in the past but I have always been pretty flexible as long as you are smart, very productive, and make it up later at some point. The level of flexibility that I extend to an employee is directly related to how well they perform and the reason why they want to tele-work, shift their schedule, come in late or leave early doesn't really matter to me. I would be highly annoyed at someone who performed just OK to to just barely and expected special considerations just because she has children. I would be even more annoyed by an employee who felt that I would expect less of her if I had my own kids.

Thank you for putting this so well. This is the Debbie Downer who has been trying to make this point, but not doing so as eloquently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find out from your agency's HR what to do if she starts being unreasonable, and also find out your rights (e.g. having a non-bathroom room to pump in.) It seems it'd help knowing your rights in advance so that way if she steps over the acceptable line, you can fight back.

If you get 2 hours of sleep over the night, just call in sick -- then sleep in and telework in the afternoon if that is permitted. (I mean, you are not feeling well, you just don't need to say why you're not feeling well. It's none of their business, and your boss being a Fed should know better.)

Don't say "I didn't get any sleep over the night because my DC got up," and in general try and avoid using your kid as a reason for being out of the office -- even if it is the case. (Of course, don't tell 100% lies.)

As for her being a micromanager, that's just the breaks. Work with it as well as you can and if you find it intolerable, request a reassignment whenever it's appropriate for your agency.

GL

You have to be careful about calling in sick bcause some companies and Federal agencies are now checking to see if person is really sick. So, if you decide to go to the grocery store that day, and you're being spyed on, being sick isn't going to fly for not coming to work. Female bosses, by and large, are impossible, I've had two and never again,. I supervise several women and believe me, they don't know how lucky they are, because I do understand where they are coming from. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I had my daughter, I supervised a large group and I will admit that I was a royal PITA to those who had children and continually called in sick, had to leave early for appointments, had to stay home with sick kids, etc. I just didn't understand how people couldn't manage both aspects of their lives.

Now that I have a child of my own I'm *much* more forgiving. It's like night and day.

OP you asked how to get along with your boss. I'd suggest you limit your child talk around her and try to keep it business as usual. If you have to take the kid to some appointment, don't say it's for your kid. If you need to leave early because your kid is sick, don't say it's about the kid.

Flame away DCUM, but I'm just sharing from my own personal perspective. You can say people should be sympathetic but in reality, many are not. I know, because right or wrong, I was one of those unsympathetic assholes before I had a kid.

I could have written this post and I agree wholeheartedly. I also dont necessarily think that it is unreasonable for a boss to expect some flexibility out of their team. What needs to be accomplished through the course of a day can and does change - that also can alter the demands of the team. What is a network crashes? what if there is a flood? what if power is lost? what if a very rude and demanding client needs you AT 445? These are all things that have happened in my workplace within the last three months. Who should be responsible for following these challenges through to the end? In my experience, it has unfortunately been the childless people and people can become resentful.

My only point is that mothers returning to work also need to be flexible. and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I had my daughter, I supervised a large group and I will admit that I was a royal PITA to those who had children and continually called in sick, had to leave early for appointments, had to stay home with sick kids, etc. I just didn't understand how people couldn't manage both aspects of their lives.

Now that I have a child of my own I'm *much* more forgiving. It's like night and day.

OP you asked how to get along with your boss. I'd suggest you limit your child talk around her and try to keep it business as usual. If you have to take the kid to some appointment, don't say it's for your kid. If you need to leave early because your kid is sick, don't say it's about the kid.

Flame away DCUM, but I'm just sharing from my own personal perspective. You can say people should be sympathetic but in reality, many are not. I know, because right or wrong, I was one of those unsympathetic assholes before I had a kid.

I could have written this post and I agree wholeheartedly. I also dont necessarily think that it is unreasonable for a boss to expect some flexibility out of their team. What needs to be accomplished through the course of a day can and does change - that also can alter the demands of the team. What is a network crashes? what if there is a flood? what if power is lost? what if a very rude and demanding client needs you AT 445? These are all things that have happened in my workplace within the last three months. Who should be responsible for following these challenges through to the end? In my experience, it has unfortunately been the childless people and people can become resentful.

My only point is that mothers returning to work also need to be flexible. and it sucks.

In my experience, it's always the NEW people who take care of the emergency/shit work. And most of them happen to be childless because they are usually younger and not at that stage in their lives.

Doesn't stop them from being resentful and feeling entitled to flexibility others have earned through being overproductive for years before having kids and needing that flexibility!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before I had my daughter, I supervised a large group and I will admit that I was a royal PITA to those who had children and continually called in sick, had to leave early for appointments, had to stay home with sick kids, etc. I just didn't understand how people couldn't manage both aspects of their lives.

Now that I have a child of my own I'm *much* more forgiving. It's like night and day.

OP you asked how to get along with your boss. I'd suggest you limit your child talk around her and try to keep it business as usual. If you have to take the kid to some appointment, don't say it's for your kid. If you need to leave early because your kid is sick, don't say it's about the kid.


She doesn't have to say it about her kid because we already know what it is about. Yes, indeed, we single or married with no children are resentful of you getting special privileges. We stay and finish a project and come in on weekends. You don't but you still get paid the same amount as the rest of us and your contribution is frequentlly next to nothing because you are pumping, constantly on phone with husband, nanny, or day care and the rest of us have to pick up your slack. Several of us are going to boss net week to discuss this problem..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find out from your agency's HR what to do if she starts being unreasonable, and also find out your rights (e.g. having a non-bathroom room to pump in.) It seems it'd help knowing your rights in advance so that way if she steps over the acceptable line, you can fight back.

If you get 2 hours of sleep over the night, just call in sick -- then sleep in and telework in the afternoon if that is permitted. (I mean, you are not feeling well, you just don't need to say why you're not feeling well. It's none of their business, and your boss being a Fed should know better.)

Don't say "I didn't get any sleep over the night because my DC got up," and in general try and avoid using your kid as a reason for being out of the office -- even if it is the case. (Of course, don't tell 100% lies.)

As for her being a micromanager, that's just the breaks. Work with it as well as you can and if you find it intolerable, request a reassignment whenever it's appropriate for your agency.

GL

You have to be careful about calling in sick bcause some companies and Federal agencies are now checking to see if person is really sick. So, if you decide to go to the grocery store that day, and you're being spyed on, being sick isn't going to fly for not coming to work. Female bosses, by and large, are impossible, I've had two and never again,. I supervise several women and believe me, they don't know how lucky they are, because I do understand where they are coming from. Good luck.

I find this hard to believe in this economy. With a federal pay freeze and many private sector companies laying off huge numbers of people I don't get the sense that the government or private companies are leaching money by following people in the suburbs. In any event, if my child is sick and I take off work my company and boss is fine with me using sick days for that. My boss used sick days to care of an elderly out of state parent for a week as well. And if I have a doctor appointment that is planned I can also take paid admin leave as long as I am gone no more than 3.5 hours.

I also have been very sick before and had to leave my house - to go to the doctor, pick up medication, or pick up something from the grocery. Good luck following me in traffic to see what I'm buying and if this fits a sick day scenario. I got a kick out of picturing this. I'm a nonprofit director level position making $85K a year and the thought of someone spending money to trail me makes me smile...unfortunately I don't think I'm that important

Reading all this really makes me lucky I work for such a reasonable company and supervisor. Because my husband has such flexibility as well, and because we have family nearby, my co-workers really haven't noticed a big change since I've become a mom. Everyone gets a fair amount of flexibility even if you are childless in both our companies. You just need to get your work done....and there is not a huge concern over when and where so long as you meet deadlines.

[Anonymous]

Not to hijack the thread but I think OP does need to check on her legal rights. I'm a federal employee and when I was returning to work after maternity leave I was shocked to learn that I had no legal rights to protection for pumping. This was before the healthcare bill was passed (and even that is not yet implemented). Apparently breastfeeding isn't considered a result of pregnancy and thus not enveloped in the protected status? I think it's ridiculous but just thought I'd share.
I ended-up getting permission to pump and a modified schedule during the first year. I went to my HR rep with my proposal and then she presented it to my supervisor. The good news for pumping and its limitations was that I was only planning on pumping until the baby was 1 year. I reentered my job when the baby was 3 months so I essentially had 9 months. When a year was up I went in to the HR rep and my boss to say thank you and to let them know my needs had changed. Now, dealing with coworkers and meetings...that was a whole other problem.

Good luck OP -- check with your union before going back to work and find out if your agency already has pumping rooms. If they do, you are one step ahead.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a case of random luck -- e.g. if someone finds you posting a "LOL hung over" post on Facebook, or someone happens to see you at the store looking chipper as can be, then you'll get dinged/disciplined/terminated as the spirit moved your boss. Unless, of course, you've already been marked as a problem child by your boss and they're looking for something to get you on.

[Anonymous]

Knock off the stereotyping and spruce up your negotiating skills.

[Anonymous]

I have a boss who started out as an inflexible micro-manager- the micromanaging went away as soon as I proved myself and started being proactive by showing her what I was working on. Now she is one of the most flexible bosses I've had.

Still, when I take time of due to DS, I largely don't advertise it. She gets a little annoyed with too much kid stuff - has wondered out lout if it is "my husband's turn", so I just don't mention it has to do with DS now. My advise is don't talk about your kids too much at work to your boss if you are feeling this way, and take the time you need by all means, but don't advertise so much that it is kid driven. Make your prompt departure due to a train schedule, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to hijack the thread but I think OP does need to check on her legal rights. I'm a federal employee and when I was returning to work after maternity leave I was shocked to learn that I had no legal rights to protection for pumping. This was before the healthcare bill was passed (and even that is not yet implemented). Apparently breastfeeding isn't considered a result of pregnancy and thus not enveloped in the protected status? I think it's ridiculous but just thought I'd share.
I ended-up getting permission to pump and a modified schedule during the first year. I went to my HR rep with my proposal and then she presented it to my supervisor. The good news for pumping and its limitations was that I was only planning on pumping until the baby was 1 year. I reentered my job when the baby was 3 months so I essentially had 9 months. When a year was up I went in to the HR rep and my boss to say thank you and to let them know my needs had changed. Now, dealing with coworkers and meetings...that was a whole other problem.

Good luck OP -- check with your union before going back to work and find out if your agency already has pumping rooms. If they do, you are one step ahead.

The federal government must now make adequate arrangements to facilitate pumping. http://voices.washingtonpost.com/federal-eye/2010/12/obama_orders_new_federal_breas.html?hpid=news-col-blog

[Anonymous]

As someone mentioned above, one key responsibility of a manager is to balance the needs of employees with families and childless employees. I've seen situations where the childless people are always asked to pick up the slack ( more travel, cover evening events, cover coworkers when their kid is sick again) and they get very resentful.

[Anonymous]

"My advise is don't talk about your kids too much at work to your boss if you are feeling this way, and take the time you need by all means, but don't advertise so much that it is kid driven."

Ditto.