How do WAHMS feel about all of this?

[Anonymous]

I don't care what other moms think about my work status. It is really quite useless to spend any time worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

1. Even in the 50s and earlier, most women did work, especially those who were lower or lower-middle class. Gotta love the uppity SAHM expecting families to survive on 1 income when so many can't even survive on two!

2. I am extremely risk-averse. I sleep at night knowing that I can put food on the table if my husband is not able to. Also, people get divorced so much more frequently than 60 years ago. Perhaps if people were sure that they would stay married (even if they were being beaten or cheated on), they could rest easy knowing they would at least have food and a roof over their heads. That's not true these days when marriages end left and right.

[Anonymous]

What the heck?

How did this turn into a SAHM debate??

This is about moms who work from home! Geesh, any chance to take a dig at the SAHM's and you all are all over it.

[Anonymous]

WAHM - SAHM who has to work and may or may not be able to afford childcare. You don't see too many doctors working out of their homes, do ya?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the heck?

How did this turn into a SAHM debate??

This is about moms who work from home! Geesh, any chance to take a dig at the SAHM's and you all are all over it.

A SAHM started this - look on page 1. She went on and on about how she doesn't believe women with children should work and blathered on about the plight of tiny babies. Obviously a troll but that's what started everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then there are us WAHMs who HAVE to have daycare in order to WAH (which is fine with me or I couldn't work), and it is still frustrating as anything when you spend 8 solid hours plugging away at the computer only to look up and realize 'oh crap, i suck, i didn't empty the dishwasher/throw in laundry/run an errand' like you thought you would.

If you work at home and telecommute aren't you actually supposed to be working 8 hrs per day and these hours do not include household chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And then there are us WAHMs who HAVE to have daycare in order to WAH (which is fine with me or I couldn't work), and it is still frustrating as anything when you spend 8 solid hours plugging away at the computer only to look up and realize 'oh crap, i suck, i didn't empty the dishwasher/throw in laundry/run an errand' like you thought you would.

If you work at home and telecommute aren't you actually supposed to be working 8 hrs per day and these hours do not include household chores?

Not the poster you responded too, but people I know who telecommute one or two days per week try to take advantage of the saved time from commuting/blow drying hair etc. and try to throw something in the crock pot, throw in a load of laundry, etc. Plus you use time at work chit-chatting in the hall, bathroom, kitchen when you are refilling your water bottle, etc. so maybe you can be more productive and still throw in laundry.

[Anonymous]

What it comes down to, OP is what makes you happy. Very, very few in this geographical area realize it is as simple as that. Honestly, life is far too short to worry about what your neighbor is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well this is drama, but it’s how I feel.

I feel that most (not all) moms should be wahms. Even if you only sell candles once a week like pp mentioned.

For the most part, I don’t believe that women should be in the “traditional” workforce. Well, let me correct that- married women with children. But this isn’t a perfect world and that would only lead to more sexism so I guess I have to support it to some degree.

But I don’t support it when little, tiny babies have to be without their moms. You knew you were going to have kids one day, you should have planned better; unless your income is really, really low. If not, I don’t feel sorry that you have to work outside the home to maintain your six-figure lifestyle instead of being with your baby. Your priorities are messed up. Especially those who proudly flaunt how they couldn’t stand being around their kids all day.

I don’t support when people act like daycare is better or just as good as being with a loving parent.

I don’t support when people try to use studies to justify their foolishness. Babies need their moms, period. Don’t show me studies about how good daycare is. Just be honest and say your career is more important than your kid- I’d respect you more.

I don’t support WAHMS putting their kids in daycare. Have someone come to your house to provide care instead of slugging them off to those germ-infested heathen filled centers. Or send them to grandma and grandpas. Otherwise, go to work like the rest of them.

Now that I look, I guess I just have a problem with daycare. I would never say any of this aloud for fear of the torches. Yet, I respect that people have the right to do what floats their boats. That doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on it.

You can have an opinion; it's just that it's a bit puzzling that you choose to have an uneducated, non-nuanced opinion. I grew up in a house with two younger siblings and a physician mum and a PhD dad, both professionals who even went to school to finish their degrees while kiddies were small. We're an incredibly tightly-knit family, and love each other immensely. We all went to grad school, didn't get hooked on drugs or get into trouble, and otherwise lead very conventional lives. We feel successful by our own standards, and probably by many folks' standards. There are no inheritance squabbles, no "you loved me more/not enough" feelings as far as I know. We've always been proud of our parents, and they've been proud of us. We always felt very secure, and mum and pop both felt they could step up to the plate to do the parenting and even income earning if that had to happen alone.

One of us siblings is a stay at home parent for the time being, too, and no hard feelings about that, either.

Child care was hired out, it's true, via nanny. Parents always chose wisely, finding someone who not only did the job but also became part of the family.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for answering, Adequate Parent. I was curious, not bashing you. My elementary aged children aren't released from school until 4, and I get them before 5:30, hence my question regarding spending extra time with them. Frankly, they spend much of the time between 4 and 5:30 doing homework at SACC, so for me and my family only, I don't see any gains to going PT or WAH just to be the one helping them with their homework. Obviously it works for you and that's great!

AdequateParent wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So Adequate Parent, your child is not yet in full time school? Don't you miss working in an office?

My child is in elementary school. I walk her there in the morning, work until 3, and pick her up. Sometimes I work after she goes to sleep, That's necessary because my clients are on normal business schedules.

The extra time I'm referring to is 3:15-6pm-- the time I'd get her if I were still in my office job.

Do I miss working in an office? On days when I get my shit together to run after school drop-off, write something I'm really satisfied with, and (cue angels singing) even get something placed, I don't miss working in an office. On days when my daughter and I do something fun together at 3:30, I don't miss the office.

On days when I am sick or my child is or school is closed and no one is paying me to be sick because I am now a freelancer, I miss the office. Sure, I have insufficient incentives to shower and I'm starting to get into petty arguments with my dog. But there are no perfect solutions. Now that all I do is write, I'm better off sequestered anyway; distractions are unhelpful.

I am someone who has always lived to work. Almost pathologically high achieving. Doing this has given me some balance while satisfying my need to Get Shit Done and make a buck.

I don't understand why everyone needs to bash and trash whatever they are not doing. What is the point?

[Anonymous]

"On the SAHM side, many of my friends who do that are very happy and wouldn't change a thing. But a few have said they'd love to work part-time in some way, but haven't found anything that's a good fit or would justify the cost of child care or the loss of flexibility. "

I won't get off of the couch for less than 150K.