How do WAHMS feel about all of this?

[Anonymous]

How do the work at home moms feel about all this SAHM vs. WOHM drama?

Do we escape the wrath because we are caught in the middle?

Or do we have our own drama- WAHM vs. WAHM- you are not a good WAHM because you don't have daycare vs. you are not a good WAHM because your kids never see you anyway vs. you are not really a WAHM anyway because you work for a party planning company.

I'm just wondering because it's lunchtime, I need a break, and I am always so confused when these debates start.

[Anonymous]

I'm a WAHM and I don't feel a bit of drama. I'm happy with my choices, and I feel grateful for the balance I've struck. No guilt or second-guessing here.

As for other WAHMs (or SAHMs or WOHMs, for that matter), my philosophy is live and let live. If their choices work for them, great. If they don't, I hope they can find a better path and am always happy to be a resource.

In my experiences, differences don't always have to lead to drama. So why stir up trouble, OP??

[Anonymous]

And then there are us WAHMs who HAVE to have daycare in order to WAH (which is fine with me or I couldn't work), and it is still frustrating as anything when you spend 8 solid hours plugging away at the computer only to look up and realize 'oh crap, i suck, i didn't empty the dishwasher/throw in laundry/run an errand' like you thought you would.

[Anonymous]

I hate when people think I can drop everything for their little emergencies.

I hate when people expect me to run down my entire career history for them.

I hate that my mother gets mad if I don't have dinner ready when my husband gets home because that's "just lazy".

[Anonymous]

I am happy to work from home. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I wish I knew more work at home moms.... not the wanna-be's or the ones who sell candles once a week. I love you all, but we have different issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you trying to start something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am happy to work from home. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I wish I knew more work at home moms.... not the wanna-be's or the ones who sell candles once a week. I love you all, but we have different issues.

Hi (from another WAHM who doesn't sell candles or do anything of the sort.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you trying to start something?

Bored....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then there are us WAHMs who HAVE to have daycare in order to WAH (which is fine with me or I couldn't work), and it is still frustrating as anything when you spend 8 solid hours plugging away at the computer only to look up and realize 'oh crap, i suck, i didn't empty the dishwasher/throw in laundry/run an errand' like you thought you would.

Ha ha. I could have written this post.

[Anonymous]

Well this is drama, but it’s how I feel.

I feel that most (not all) moms should be wahms. Even if you only sell candles once a week like pp mentioned.

For the most part, I don’t believe that women should be in the “traditional” workforce. Well, let me correct that- married women with children. But this isn’t a perfect world and that would only lead to more sexism so I guess I have to support it to some degree.

But I don’t support it when little, tiny babies have to be without their moms. You knew you were going to have kids one day, you should have planned better; unless your income is really, really low. If not, I don’t feel sorry that you have to work outside the home to maintain your six-figure lifestyle instead of being with your baby. Your priorities are messed up. Especially those who proudly flaunt how they couldn’t stand being around their kids all day.

I don’t support when people act like daycare is better or just as good as being with a loving parent.

I don’t support when people try to use studies to justify their foolishness. Babies need their moms, period. Don’t show me studies about how good daycare is. Just be honest and say your career is more important than your kid- I’d respect you more.

I don’t support WAHMS putting their kids in daycare. Have someone come to your house to provide care instead of slugging them off to those germ-infested heathen filled centers. Or send them to grandma and grandpas. Otherwise, go to work like the rest of them.

Now that I look, I guess I just have a problem with daycare. I would never say any of this aloud for fear of the torches. Yet, I respect that people have the right to do what floats their boats. That doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on it.

[Anonymous]

I feel like the luckiest person on the planet and I sincerely regret that more mothers/fathers do not have this opportunity.

[Anonymous]

"I hate when people think I can drop everything for their little emergencies. "

DH - this means YOU.

[Anonymous]

I love working at home too ... I had to be at an all day conference (obviously not at home!) earlier this week for the first time and it SUCKED. So I definitely give you WOHM major props for doing the whole commuting, pumping, getting things set for baby before leaving, looking presentable, etc., etc., day in and day out! As a WAHM, I love that I take nursing breaks instead of coffee breaks, that I don't have to get dressed up or commute everyday and instead get extra time with DC, that if I ever need a pick me up I can just go downstairs, that I can be there if DC is sick or just wants me. I could go on and on!

As for having our own drama, I think a lot of it comes from "WAH" having a more open definition with different people having different interpretations (or at least more so than with "SAH" or "WOH"). For example, whether you have/need child care or not depends a lot on what you mean by WAH. I do my same 75% hours office job including taking calls, etc., and with an active 10 mo old, I need to have someone watching DC (my mom - lucky us!) to get stuff done. But if you do a few hours of freelance or contract work, party plan, etc. or if your DC is 13 years old, you can probably do without. And with a more open definition comes more misunderstanding, but I guess I don't mind that too much. Because at the end of the day, I've got a set that works for me and my family, and that's what I care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you trying to start something?

Because I want to know what issues/problems WAHMS face and how they feel when the mommy wars start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well this is drama, but it’s how I feel.

I feel that most (not all) moms should be wahms. Even if you only sell candles once a week like pp mentioned.

For the most part, I don’t believe that women should be in the “traditional” workforce. Well, let me correct that- married women with children. But this isn’t a perfect world and that would only lead to more sexism so I guess I have to support it to some degree.

But I don’t support it when little, tiny babies have to be without their moms. You knew you were going to have kids one day, you should have planned better; unless your income is really, really low. If not, I don’t feel sorry that you have to work outside the home to maintain your six-figure lifestyle instead of being with your baby. Your priorities are messed up. Especially those who proudly flaunt how they couldn’t stand being around their kids all day.

I don’t support when people act like daycare is better or just as good as being with a loving parent.

I don’t support when people try to use studies to justify their foolishness. Babies need their moms, period. Don’t show me studies about how good daycare is. Just be honest and say your career is more important than your kid- I’d respect you more.

I don’t support WAHMS putting their kids in daycare. Have someone come to your house to provide care instead of slugging them off to those germ-infested heathen filled centers. Or send them to grandma and grandpas. Otherwise, go to work like the rest of them.

Now that I look, I guess I just have a problem with daycare. I would never say any of this aloud for fear of the torches. Yet, I respect that people have the right to do what floats their boats. That doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on it.

Somebody really, really needs to get laid.