How do WAHMS feel about all of this?

[Anonymous]

This is wonderful, not sad at all, and I totally agree.

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Anonymous wrote:For the most part, I don’t believe that women should be in the “traditional” workforce. Well, let me correct that- married women with children.

Huh. I didn't realize they had the internet in 1956.

My thoughts exactly. The problem with this poster is that she doesn't possess the intelligence or logic to really follow the implications of her "ideal" - if all married women with kids quit the workforce, we couldn't sustain our economy, and women would be second class citizens. Our medical care would be totally different (like it was decades ago when all the researchers and physicians were men), so many policies and practices would be different. Her life and the life of her children would be different. Very few women in grad school, women run businesses, etc. We'd all still be laying back in a hospital bed in stirrups birthing a baby while our husbands waited outside - my mom's experience, but not mine.

In no time in our history have the majority of moms stayed home. Women have always worked, the difference now is because of our critical mass and increased educational opportunities, more women have more meaningful and higher paid jobs. Highly recomend "The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap" By Stephanie Coontz that is all about this myth of the 1950s one income family. Not so for most Americans.

I have no interest in the mommy wars that really don't exist for me beyond DCUM; if someone says they think it's better for kids for moms to stay home, that is her opinion and it's fine with me. I do have issues with lapse in logic though.

The vast majority of women who work (myself included) do so because we need two incomes. Especially in this economy. It's not because we want to work and leave our kids. We have no choice, unlike the wealthy SAHMs around here.

Then again, I knew a few moms who probably would have been better off not having kids at all. They don't enjoy giving up their freedom; they don't enjoy their kids; they're not very good moms, period.

Of course most people wish they didn't have to work! But we have to pay the bills. It sucks, it's sad, but what can you do? People have it way worse than us.

Agree with this. I work because I have to. My job provides all of the benefits and the vast majority of the income for my family. I'm amazed at the idea the most mothers who work do so because they "want" to. I actually love my job, but if I win the lottery tomorrow, I'll quit. Most of the men I know feel the same way - if people worked for fun, employers wouldn't need to pay us. Duh. Maybe I just can't fathom being so wealthy that working carries some sort of amusement value. Ah well.

The vast majority of them are lying.

I work because I have to, and I've worked in all sort of glamour jobs (and non-profit jobs too) and I've met about five people in 15 years who would rather work than not. This is why we all dream of winning the lottery!!!!!!!

I was a SAHM for a brief period of time, and it was amazing. Yes, I am jealous.

Ugh - for some of us it's not about a "glamour job" - WTF would that be? I would rather earn a paycheck than not; so yeah I'm working for $ but also for independence. Not just to have money to spend - we could do okay on DH's income. Also working because I'm risk averse and wouldn't feel comfortable not. Also working to stay in the workforce because I do think I'll want to focus more on my career after I'm done raising kids. And because I really think it's better for my marriage if I work - I would likely get stuck with way more cooking, cleaning, errands, etc. if I stayed home and I'd think I'd resent my husband.

Just speaking personally and don't think working out of the home is for every mom. That said if you know of only five people who are passionate about their jobs you are in the wrong circles...this is DC - I've honestly had more than 5 conversations on the metro alone with strangers passionate about their jobs - sheesh! Not everyone needs a "glamorous" job or even a "I'm saving the world" job to find interesting work.

Sad.

[Anonymous]

When we first had our daughter, I never envisioned myself being anything other than a FT WOHM....not to mention we could not make it on just my husband's salary alone at that point. I liked what I was doing - it challenged my mind and made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile. I was sad about having to go back to work, but I was in a good place (or so I thought) - I had been told right before going out that I was going to start training for a promotion when I returned.

Yeah, well, THAT didn't happen. I came back and found out that budget cuts during my leave had forced elimination of the position I held for the coming year. So, one month after I returned, I was forced to move to a different department that had nothing to do with my career path. The budget picture at this nonprofit kept getting worse and worse, and I was miserable. I tried job hunting, but needed to be somewhat close to home with a flexible schedule, so that never happened. So, I started looking for an exit.

I still needed to work to make ends meet for a few months after I left my FT job to work PT for a friend's company. 6 months later, my husband got a new job with a decent salary bump - enough for me to quit working. You know what, though? I didn't take that opportunity, for multiple reasons. In my days home with my daughter, I discovered what a horrid FT SAHM I would be - it just isn't for me. My daughter was happy at her new daycare/school and that "enough money" salary meant I would have to pull her out of school, which just wasn't acceptable to me. Plus, we would have had to cut back on our savings and retirement funds, which I am just not willing to do - it would make me too nervous to not have any money to fall back on, especially not in this economy. So, I continue to work PT for my sanity AND my family's financial well being.

I honestly have NO desire to be a FT SAHM. Am I working my dream PT job? No, but it works for me for now. My daughter thrives at her school and I am able to do some things with her during the week that I wouldn't be able to as a FT WOHM.

I won't comment on what type of "work" can really be done while your kids are home with you FT - I don't know many jobs that would allow for such an arrangement. But I will say there are certain people I think SHOULD be working nights and weekends instead of claiming you "chose" to SAH...when the truth is you have 2 kids you can't afford and are living with your in-laws using food stamps and medicaid. That wasn't a choice, babe - that was poor birth control decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a side note.... I am a SAHM right now (well, I guess technically I WOTH an extremely minimal amount of hours while my husband is off.. How do you all find these jobs where you're able to WAH... I waaaaaaaaaaant this VERY badly... I would LOVE an opportunity like this.... so not to take over the post or anything, but would some of you maybe mind sharing what you do for a living and how you got these positions?

3 ways...

1) start your own business

2) find a company that hires remote workers

3) work for a company that allows telecommuting after you've been there for awhile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But I don’t support it when little, tiny babies have to be without their moms. You knew you were going to have kids one day, you should have planned better; unless your income is really, really low. If not, I don’t feel sorry that you have to work outside the home to maintain your six-figure lifestyle instead of being with your baby. Your priorities are messed up. Especially those who proudly flaunt how they couldn’t stand being around their kids all day.

How are your smothered children turning out there, lady?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I don’t support it when little, tiny babies have to be without their moms. You knew you were going to have kids one day, you should have planned better; unless your income is really, really low. If not, I don’t feel sorry that you have to work outside the home to maintain your six-figure lifestyle instead of being with your baby. Your priorities are messed up. Especially those who proudly flaunt how they couldn’t stand being around their kids all day.

How are your smothered children turning out there, lady?

Oh, so actually raising the children you decided to have instead of handing them off to strangers is smothering? Interesting definition.

[Anonymous]

I sure am glad that 1) my dad didn't dump my stay at home mom until I was old enough to fend for myself and,
2) I had a career to fall back on to take care of my kids when my husband started HIS affair, over which I divorced him.

[Anonymous]

Well, of course this thread devolved - how could it not?

I'll answer the original question.

1. I feel lucky.
2. I do sometimes feel a bit annoyed when my friends (either stay at home mom or work outside the home mom) TELL me I'm lucky (yes, no kidding!)
3. I feel resentful when my at-home friends do not respect that I do work full-time. Sometimes I know I will have some downtime and can break away. But after the 15th time I've had to say "no, I can't go to the zoo at 2 PM on Wednesday, as much as I might like to" I start to wonder if they care or listen to me when I describe my situation.
4. Feel VERY resentful at the other WAHMs or any moms for that matter who say I'm "ruining it for everyone" by not having childcare. I work for myself, make my own hours, and can guarantee you I won't fire myself, nor will I let "my" experience ruin it for the other people I employ.


I also try to remember:

1. how much I value doing this
2. how hard I had to work to get here
3. that other people have worked just as hard but lack the opportunity to work from hom
4. that others have made different choices, and that is FINE
5. the world will keep spinning no matter how many jobs moms want or need to work, as long as we love our kids and show them that love

If it ever came down to my job vs. my child, my child would win. My husband (who also works at home) feels the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, of course this thread devolved - how could it not?

I'll answer the original question.

1. I feel lucky.
2. I do sometimes feel a bit annoyed when my friends (either stay at home mom or work outside the home mom) TELL me I'm lucky (yes, no kidding!)
3. I feel resentful when my at-home friends do not respect that I do work full-time. Sometimes I know I will have some downtime and can break away. But after the 15th time I've had to say "no, I can't go to the zoo at 2 PM on Wednesday, as much as I might like to" I start to wonder if they care or listen to me when I describe my situation.
4. Feel VERY resentful at the other WAHMs or any moms for that matter who say I'm "ruining it for everyone" by not having childcare. I work for myself, make my own hours, and can guarantee you I won't fire myself, nor will I let "my" experience ruin it for the other people I employ.

Hey girlfriend! Did you post in that other thread a few months ago about not having childcare while working from home? I was the one who got blasted from people saying "oh you couldn't possibly be working, or you must be ignoring your kid!!"

Whatever.

I've been in business since 2001 so I think I pretty much know what I am doing and how to manage my time along with my familial responsibilities. People who try to tell me otherwise irk me. Everyone does not punch an hourly timeclock!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, of course this thread devolved - how could it not?

I'll answer the original question.

1. I feel lucky.
2. I do sometimes feel a bit annoyed when my friends (either stay at home mom or work outside the home mom) TELL me I'm lucky (yes, no kidding!)
3. I feel resentful when my at-home friends do not respect that I do work full-time. Sometimes I know I will have some downtime and can break away. But after the 15th time I've had to say "no, I can't go to the zoo at 2 PM on Wednesday, as much as I might like to" I start to wonder if they care or listen to me when I describe my situation.
4. Feel VERY resentful at the other WAHMs or any moms for that matter who say I'm "ruining it for everyone" by not having childcare. I work for myself, make my own hours, and can guarantee you I won't fire myself, nor will I let "my" experience ruin it for the other people I employ.

Hey girlfriend! Did you post in that other thread a few months ago about not having childcare while working from home? I was the one who got blasted from people saying "oh you couldn't possibly be working, or you must be ignoring your kid!!"

Whatever.

I've been in business since 2001 so I think I pretty much know what I am doing and how to manage my time along with my familial responsibilities. People who try to tell me otherwise irk me. Everyone does not punch an hourly timeclock!

Yep, that's me. I see it the most when new moms post looking for experience from people who have worked from home. I think that those who have very rigid jobs whose bosses or corporate culture demands child care resent those who can get away without doing it. They see everything as black and white. This is what I have to do, so it must be what you have to do. Ironic, considering that, as people who work from home, they're doing something slightly different anyway.

To me, there is not too much point (saving commute could be big for some) to working from home if you can't pop up and see your kids. We actually DO use childcare as needed, but not regularly. My husband is also around to spell me sometimes. So of course there are things that make my situation unique. But everyone can search for things to make their situation work for them, as well. And then their situation will be "unique," too. I just call it "figuring it all out."

I work when my son is sleeping, trade hours with my husband as necessary, etc. It doesn't work for everyone, but that doesn't mean it can't work for anyone!

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for WAHMs. They inevitably are working for the money. I love to WOH because it gets me out into the adult social world each workday, all dressed up and sometimes even with lunches out! I'm an extrovert and I do better when I'm directed by others.

I would be clinically depressed if I had to WAH. I keep work at work, and home is a work free zone for the most part.

[Anonymous]

So Adequate Parent, your child is not yet in full time school? Don't you miss working in an office?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for WAHMs. They inevitably are working for the money. I love to WOH because it gets me out into the adult social world each workday, all dressed up and sometimes even with lunches out! I'm an extrovert and I do better when I'm directed by others.

I would be clinically depressed if I had to WAH. I keep work at work, and home is a work free zone for the most part.

If you were solely WOH for interaction and not for money, you would volunteer every day.

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hey girlfriend! Did you post in that other thread a few months ago about not having childcare while working from home? I was the one who got blasted from people saying "oh you couldn't possibly be working, or you must be ignoring your kid!!"

Whatever.

I've been in business since 2001 so I think I pretty much know what I am doing and how to manage my time along with my familial responsibilities. People who try to tell me otherwise irk me. Everyone does not punch an hourly timeclock!

Yep, that's me. I see it the most when new moms post looking for experience from people who have worked from home. I think that those who have very rigid jobs whose bosses or corporate culture demands child care resent those who can get away without doing it. They see everything as black and white. This is what I have to do, so it must be what you have to do. Ironic, considering that, as people who work from home, they're doing something slightly different anyway.

To me, there is not too much point (saving commute could be big for some) to working from home if you can't pop up and see your kids. We actually DO use childcare as needed, but not regularly. My husband is also around to spell me sometimes. So of course there are things that make my situation unique. But everyone can search for things to make their situation work for them, as well. And then their situation will be "unique," too. I just call it "figuring it all out."

I work when my son is sleeping, trade hours with my husband as necessary, etc. It doesn't work for everyone, but that doesn't mean it can't work for anyone!

Oh hi!

You are like my DCUM friend in my head. Yup, you are the one I was "talking" with.

That's exactly how I feel. What's the point of working from home if I don't have that time with my family? That's why I wanted to work from home in the first place.

But I guess it's hard for people to understand if they are on strict schedules. They don't get that some people's schedules are not based upon putting in hours, but upon getting results. Plus it all comes down to understanding that everyone's situation is different.

And 13:36 It's good that you've found a situation that works for you. There's no reason to feel sorry for people who have found something that works for them.

[Anonymous]

PP, you make a couple of good points. I wouldn't get any more time with my family if I WAH as opposed to WOH, so WAH has no real appeal to me.

Plus, I am one of those folks who likes a "strict" schedule (if by strict, you mean all my work gets done between 8 am and 6 pm each day). I don't want work interfering with family time. I'm not a night person, and wouldn't be effective working late in the evening after my family's in bed. If I need time off during day to go to school or to run personal errands, I just take leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for WAHMs. They inevitably are working for the money. I love to WOH because it gets me out into the adult social world each workday, all dressed up and sometimes even with lunches out! I'm an extrovert and I do better when I'm directed by others.

I would be clinically depressed if I had to WAH. I keep work at work, and home is a work free zone for the most part.

If you were solely WOH for interaction and not for money, you would volunteer every day.

Get over yourself.

Oh I do enjoy the money I make, no doubt abou it. You know she who has the gold makes the rules <evil laugh>.