If you co-sleep with your toddler, what is your bedtime routine?

[Anonymous]

I am not entirely sure why a bunch of people need to come in and crap on the way others parent.

My favorite is the comment that the night time parenters or whatever are wrecks at work and this affects everyone?

Can you seriously give me a break.

I am not AP. My sister is. For the first 6 months, neither of us got any sleep. By kid started sleeping through the night at 9 months, hers at 16 months. We were both zonked out for almost a year. At around 2.5, my son just stopped sleeping altogether, and my sister's AP kid was finally sleeping through, and she was still in my sister's bed.

You just never know. Some kids sleep, some don't, and we are not setting our kids up for a bunch of sleep problems that will them through life if we don't start out perfect from day one.

I was the best sleeper in the world; put myself to bed every single night. But now, I am a raging insomniac. Go figure.

Get a grip all. Some of you are being way over the top unnecessarily bitchy.

I don't have a dog in this fight, but I hate it when the crazies come into CIO threads and start talking brain damage, and what some of you are doing is just as incredibly rude, unhelpful, and just mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never meant to co-sleep but my daughter had to be moved out of her crib relatively early (at around 16 months) because she was climbing out of it (on the lowest setting) and I worried about her hurting herself. Now she's two and sleeping in my bed because she never really took to her toddler bed. (i think it's smaller than she'd like - she's a very spread-out sleeper.) At bedtime, we go upstairs and I give her the choice of beds. She usually chooses mine. I put her in bed and arrange her animals and put her books nearby. Occasionally she protests and clings, but most of the time, she's cool with me leaving her. I leave the hall light on so she can see if she wants to read. Sometimes she reads and sings to herself for half an hour, sometimes she falls asleep right away. After she's asleep, I go up to remove the books from the bed and tuck her in if need be. I'd like her to be in her own bed soon, but it's just the two of us in our house, so I don't mind the "company" as much as I would if I were married and this was affecting my sex life.

Why don't you get her a twin size bed?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, no kidding. It totally depends on the child. And problems sleeping arise no matter what kind of surface the child sleeps on.

I'm sure you've noticed that as your baby/toddler grows he or she goes through growth spurts and times of major jumps in development. Those periods often make it difficult for little ones to sleep. Something is just off, or they want to wake up and practice their new skills. Sometimes the day was so stimulating they don't know how to turn it off. We go through cycles and ups and downs all our lives and being attuned to that is ok. "Nighttime Parenting"? This is a real term? Do parents really expect to be off the clock at night? No one wants to be a martyr staying up but sometimes your child has had a hard time, is sick, etc. Parenting will never be formulaic and homogenous.

So to the OP, hang in there, you are not doing anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That piece by Erica Jong is really insufferable, much like a similar piece by that asshat hanna rosin last year. Yes, we get it, you enlightened ladies: you resent the effort that biological childbearing and rearing presents to you, as a woman. Fortunately for you, modern science, society, and technology has provided a few shortcuts for you. Formula, childcare, jarred babyfood that won't kill your baby, disposable diapers that make changing baby easy, cribs that the little human's "can't get out" of. That's fine. But it's not fine to go as far as to criticize people who don't take advantages of those "conveniences" because they are outside of our values. It's OKAY that I want to make my baby's food. Just because there is a shorter and easier way, that doesn't mean it's anti-feminist to decline to take it. And I'm sorry, but although I work, and value my job and my profession, I'm very thankful that I don't let that define me. It's so silly to mock mothers for letting parenthood define them and then turn around and claim that the only activity that is worthy of feminine respect involves a paycheck and a time clock. Ugh.

[b][b]BTW, you people who push your kids off at night into a crib, and do CIO even when they're teething, or at two months, etc, are ALSO impacting the rest of us, by producing ill-adjusted children who weren't treated like a baby when they were a.....wait for it.......baby. [/b][/b]Now go rattle someone else's cage. OP really doesn't need your hot air or irrelevant musings on AP or cosleeping. Go away.

God, you really sound like that mother in the Maya Rudolph/John Krasinski movie- - Away We Go. My poor child -- pushed off at night into a crib. Clearly ill-adjusted and scarred for life. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously the PPers are not co-sleepers and have no advice that will help you. Check out the foums at mothering.com. - forums are currently down for redesign. Check back soon. There is one specifically for co-sleeping and night-time parenting. They might have some ideas.

Here's what we do at our house. I part-time co-sleep. I nurse my 15mo to sleep. We do bath with 3YO brother. Read books with brother in a dimly lit room, 15 mo usually plays quietly with toys on the floor. By the time books are finished the 15mo usually shows signs of being tired. I play music for the 3Yo and take 15Mo into my bed and nurse him to sleep. There are time he doesn't want to sleep. I keep the lights off and minimize distractions. If he gets up, I keep laying him back down on the bed and softly repeat it's night-night time. Sometimes I sing. If he get's too upset, I bounce him on the yoga ball and that usually does it. Once big brother falls alseep, I move little bro to his crib. When he wakes up, I bring him into my bed and nurse him and he stays in bed with me the rest of the night. If I get truly desperate, I put him in the car and drive him around.

I know my routine will not work for every family but it works for us. Good luck.

So the baby (or is it the 3 yo?) falls asleep in the carseat in the car. Then what? Do you bring the carseat in the house or do you sleep in the car with him? Do you transfer him out of the carseat into your bed and hope he stays sleeping? This to me isn't co-sleeping. It's driving your kid around in the middle of the night. And who exactly is sleeping in the crib - the toddler or the infant - or both, but at different times of the night? I'm totally baffled by your routine here.

Really, people. You think this poster is driving around all night? You think she takes the carseat out of the car? Of course not. You are just stirring shit. She gets it that not everyone does it the way she does. She's not telling you how to raise your kids. She's just trying to help another parent by sharing her solution.

When I get desperate I've been known to put the kid in the car too. All of about 3-4 times a year. It's better than being frustrated by repeatedly putting the child back in bed or listening to hours of crying. The kid is most always exhausted, falls alseep withing 10 minutes and I transfer him from the carseat to the crib and he stays alseep.

[Anonymous]

"She's just trying to help another parent by sharing her solution. "

The solution sounds worse than the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"BTW, you people who push your kids off at night into a crib, and do CIO even when they're teething, or at two months, etc, are ALSO impacting the rest of us, by producing ill-adjusted children who weren't treated like a baby when they were a.....wait for it.......baby. "

OP's child is not a baby. The problem is that some people continue to treat their non-babies as if they were...wait for it...babies. Thereby producing ill-adjusted children who expect the world to treat them like babies forever. It's not all or nothing--the choices aren't CIO at 2 months old (ridiculous) or drive your toddler around in a car. Do what works. But if it's not working...it ain't workin' and it's time to think of something else. If that something else involves the insanity of the car rides and all that--I think it's fair enough to say that's nuts. It's not really a problem with cosleeping, it's with continuing to do something that isn't working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She's just trying to help another parent by sharing her solution. "

The solution sounds worse than the problem.

It's not your problem. Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"BTW, you people who push your kids off at night into a crib, and do CIO even when they're teething, or at two months, etc, are ALSO impacting the rest of us, by producing ill-adjusted children who weren't treated like a baby when they were a.....wait for it.......baby. "

OP's child is not a baby. The problem is that some people continue to treat their non-babies as if they were...wait for it...babies. Thereby producing ill-adjusted children who expect the world to treat them like babies forever. It's not all or nothing--the choices aren't CIO at 2 months old (ridiculous) or drive your toddler around in a car. Do what works. But if it's not working...it ain't workin' and it's time to think of something else. If that something else involves the insanity of the car rides and all that--I think it's fair enough to say that's nuts. It's not really a problem with cosleeping, it's with continuing to do something that isn't working.

I thought she said her child was 14 months. Her child most definitely IS still a baby. Geez, are you in that much of a hurry for your children to grow up?

[Anonymous]

I slept with my parents until I was elementary school age. Guess what? I am a responsible adult and have no problem sleeping. (& I have younger siblings! And my parents are still married!) Amazing, I know! Do what works for you, but blanket statements like "cosleeping kids will never learn to sleep alone" are ridiculous and would mean that entire cultures have people who never learn to sleep, I guess. (why so much emphasis on sleeping alone, anyway? Many here probably enjoy sleeping with a spouse, kids may sleep with a sibling, etc... WHY is this thought to be inherently wrong?). Good luck, OP; this sounds like a stage, and you are doing fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"BTW, you people who push your kids off at night into a crib, and do CIO even when they're teething, or at two months, etc, are ALSO impacting the rest of us, by producing ill-adjusted children who weren't treated like a baby when they were a.....wait for it.......baby. "

OP's child is not a baby. The problem is that some people continue to treat their non-babies as if they were...wait for it...babies. Thereby producing ill-adjusted children who expect the world to treat them like babies forever. It's not all or nothing--the choices aren't CIO at 2 months old (ridiculous) or drive your toddler around in a car. Do what works. But if it's not working...it ain't workin' and it's time to think of something else. If that something else involves the insanity of the car rides and all that--I think it's fair enough to say that's nuts. It's not really a problem with cosleeping, it's with continuing to do something that isn't working.

With that sentence, my irritation with you has turned to sympathy. I'm so sorry your babies grew up so fast. My 15 month old is still a baby. So sorry yours is not.

If something isn't "working," the parent makes adjustments. Sure, maybe that involves putting baby in a crib. Or maybe it involves a change in routine. Not every correction results in a person doing something the way YOU do it. Why are you anti-cosleepers so determined to derail and ruin this thread? It is NOT for you. Go somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"BTW, you people who push your kids off at night into a crib, and do CIO even when they're teething, or at two months, etc, are ALSO impacting the rest of us, by producing ill-adjusted children who weren't treated like a baby when they were a.....wait for it.......baby. "

OP's child is not a baby. The problem is that some people continue to treat their non-babies as if they were...wait for it...babies. Thereby producing ill-adjusted children who expect the world to treat them like babies forever. It's not all or nothing--the choices aren't CIO at 2 months old (ridiculous) or drive your toddler around in a car. Do what works. But if it's not working...it ain't workin' and it's time to think of something else. If that something else involves the insanity of the car rides and all that--I think it's fair enough to say that's nuts. It's not really a problem with cosleeping, it's with continuing to do something that isn't working.

With that sentence, my irritation with you has turned to sympathy. I'm so sorry your babies grew up so fast. My 15 month old is still a baby. So sorry yours is not.

If something isn't "working," the parent makes adjustments. Sure, maybe that involves putting baby in a crib. Or maybe it involves a change in routine. Not every correction results in a person doing something the way YOU do it. Why are you anti-cosleepers so determined to derail and ruin this thread? It is NOT for you. Go somewhere else.

Don't worry. I am well used to it The same thing happened to a recent thread I started about "extended" breastfeeding. When will I learn.....

I don't even read posts about things that are not relevant to me (e.g. CIO, formula, etc), let alone comment on them. Mind you, I'm sure those things must give you a lot more time on your hands!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I just don't get the broader point -- why do people co-sleep with toddler? I get co-sleeping with an infant/newborn, in fact, when my first was a newborn I co-slept for ease of breastfeeding.

But a toddler? Even if you are still nursing (and good on you, I'm not taking that on), why would you be nursing at night? They aren't still doing night feedings at 15 months, right?

Seems to me that those who have responded that they co-sleep with toddlers have demonstrated that their "routine" has created a toddler who doesn't know how to (a) sleep through the night; and (b) wind themselves down and fall asleep.

Perhaps folks should read Erica Jong's piece in the WSJ today on attachment parenting and how those expectations can make you do things that are a little crazy. So I hope the PP who is driving her 15 month old around at night in an effort to make co-sleeping work will realize that hey, life can be a little easier and everyone will survive and thrive.

Are you fulfilling your child's needs or what you think they need when you sleep with your 15 m/o and older toddler? DH, DD and I actually lived in a 1 bedroom condo until she was about 15 months. We all shared a bedroom. It was really hard to try and get her to go to sleep and to sleep through the night once she did fall asleep. We moved to a bigger place eventually and she slept by herself, through the night the day we moved and has been ever since. What a relief!

[Anonymous]

just wanted to point out that for some of us cosleeping actually improves things. i live in a small 2-bedroom apartment and my youngest baby is a very light sleeper. so we put her in her own room and our older daughter who is 3.5 now sleeps with us. it works well for us, and we all get more sleep than when we put both girls together or had the baby with us. if we had more space maybe we would do it differently. when we tell people our 3.5 year old is sleeping with us the judgment begins oozing...but they all have the luxury of big houses. we don't mind our daughter sleeping with us and we are all happy. so i just wanted to point out that there are different situations that can work for different people. and clearly OP is looking for advice so is acknowledging that she wants to change things. i'm pretty sure all of us as parents have at some point backed ourselves into a corner with how we are dealing with an issue and then need to rethink it and try something new. that seems to be what OP is trying to do. i don't get why it bothers others so much if a family co-sleeps. i don't particularly enjoy sleeping alone, i think it can be kind of lonely, and i think sometimes kids feel the same way. that doesn't mean that they are being babied or aren't going to be well adjusted.