If you co-sleep with your toddler, what is your bedtime routine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Eventually, dc will sleep in their own bed ...as did I and millions of other people who have coslept. Stop judging what you don't know. "

In my culture, only the poorest of the population
co-sleep.

So what are you trying to say?

[Anonymous]

I'm not "anti-AP"--I wore my baby all the time, and still wear my toddler frequently. I BF until 14 months. I made all the babyfood, etc. But seriously, this "nighttime parenting" stuff is harmful to the children! Isn't it obvious that nighttime is for sleeping and that sleep is really important? If it takes all these machinations and tricks to get a child to fall asleep, something is wrong with what you're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Eventually, dc will sleep in their own bed ...as did I and millions of other people who have coslept. Stop judging what you don't know. "

In my culture, only the poorest of the population
co-sleep.

So?? We don't share a bed with DD because we are poor. We do it because it feels right to us and that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

I'd be a wreck at work the next day after a night of driving a kid around.

Scalpel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be a wreck at work the next day after a night of driving a kid around.

Scalpel.

I work with such wrecks and is has an impact on everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be a wreck at work the next day after a night of driving a kid around.

Scalpel.

I work with such wrecks and is has an impact on everyone.

I was just thinking this.

[Anonymous]

I cosleep so I read this post. Since my child is 8 months, I don't know what to say, but I do have problems getting him to sleep. I just don't think our tactics apply to a child older than him. But for what it's worth, sleep sheep, back patting, and nursing (and walking).

I also just really need to comment on another issue, which is OT to this thread but since that person posted the link, gotta respond:

Wow, I just read that WSJ article and I have to say I think it's stupid. I don't know if I do "attachment parenting" because I don't own Dr. Sears' book or follow any parenting style or whatever it is. I trust my judgment and do what feels right. You know what feels right? Wearing my baby. I love to kiss his head and hold his hand and talk to him, but it's also way easier than navigating a stroller and an X. You know what else feels right? Making my own babyfood. It takes 12 minutes at most and I am assured that there is NO percentage of beetle parts in his squash. Massive operations cannot ensure quality compliance to a level I want for my infant. Plus, I ENJOY cooking for my child the same way I ENJOY cooking for my husband (and he for me as well as he for our son). It's calming and grounding and a way for me to put my love into action for him. I LIKE it. Do I cosleep with my 8 month old and breastfeed him? Damn right I do. Because I love the connection, and I think it's healthy for him, and because I'm following my instincts. I love cuddling him in bed. But I also put him to sleep in his crib so my DH and I have some time together. When he wakes for his 3am nurse and change, he comes to bed with us. It's wonderful and I'm sorry you don't get that experience with your child.

My point is that I, and I assume most other mothers, do this NOT because it's some kind of external expectation, but because it FEELS RIGHT and for the first time in a long while, it's becoming socially acceptable to love your child in that way. I'm sorry YOU view it as "bondage" and I feel sorry for you in general. I love it. I certainly don't feel like I've given up some life for it. Indeed, by having a child, my life has changed completely. And quite frankly, in a more beautiful and wonderful way than I ever could have anticipated.

I'm just shocked at this whole "expectations" crap. In fact, I feel alone most of the time. I'm the only woman in my daycare class still nursing and bringing in breastmilk. I'm the only woman in my playgroup who still nurses during the day (when I'm with him) and the only one who even owns a baby wearing device. I'm not the only one who cosleeps, but pretty darn close to it. I'm the one who feels pressure not to raise my shirt to nurse my son. I deal with the hostile looks from my son's teachers at having to deal with breastmilk. When we were having a problem with him and the bottle, their answer to me was to stop nursing him and just give him bottles!

I am SO glad that there is a counter movement to THESE kinds of pressures. And I'm just saddened that people are viewing it as "bondage."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "anti-AP"--I wore my baby all the time, and still wear my toddler frequently. I BF until 14 months. I made all the babyfood, etc. But seriously, this "nighttime parenting" stuff is harmful to the children! Isn't it obvious that nighttime is for sleeping and that sleep is really important? If it takes all these machinations and tricks to get a child to fall asleep, something is wrong with what you're doing.

I think this is what many PPs are saying (or trying to say) and I completely agree.

[Anonymous]

I posted the link (though not the original reference) to the WSJ article. Let's be clear that Erica Jong is the one calling this "bondage." If it is, I indulge in some forms too -- CDs, making babyfood, Ergoing, etc -- and they work for me. The larger point I found interesting was that so many of these "green" ways of living -- fresh, local food! Make your own pantry staples to avoid processed food! Cloth diaper and don't get rashes! Etc. -- may all be individually fine, and may even work for your family. But in the end, most of the burden of making those changes fall to women in the household and don't really make things easier for us to do all the things that maybe we could or maybe we're meant to.

So to echo 12:54's excellent summation of many of these four pages of posts, if these things are NOT working for your child or your family, then maybe it's time to question why you're doing it. If you think it's better for the child, but it's not working, is that an assumption that should be revisited? Even if it is the best for your child, if it doesn't work for the rest of the household or is having an impact on your marriage, is that reason enough to revisit your assumptions? And (warning: personal bias about to come through), if you're doing it because you think it's really going to have a long-term impact on the well-being of your child, then I think it is absolutely time to revisit that assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously the PPers are not co-sleepers and have no advice that will help you. Check out the foums at mothering.com. - forums are currently down for redesign. Check back soon. There is one specifically for co-sleeping and night-time parenting. They might have some ideas.

Here's what we do at our house. I part-time co-sleep. I nurse my 15mo to sleep. We do bath with 3YO brother. Read books with brother in a dimly lit room, 15 mo usually plays quietly with toys on the floor. By the time books are finished the 15mo usually shows signs of being tired. I play music for the 3Yo and take 15Mo into my bed and nurse him to sleep. There are time he doesn't want to sleep. I keep the lights off and minimize distractions. If he gets up, I keep laying him back down on the bed and softly repeat it's night-night time. Sometimes I sing. If he get's too upset, I bounce him on the yoga ball and that usually does it. Once big brother falls alseep, I move little bro to his crib. When he wakes up, I bring him into my bed and nurse him and he stays in bed with me the rest of the night. If I get truly desperate, I put him in the car and drive him around.

I know my routine will not work for every family but it works for us. Good luck.

So the baby (or is it the 3 yo?) falls asleep in the carseat in the car. Then what? Do you bring the carseat in the house or do you sleep in the car with him? Do you transfer him out of the carseat into your bed and hope he stays sleeping? This to me isn't co-sleeping. It's driving your kid around in the middle of the night. And who exactly is sleeping in the crib - the toddler or the infant - or both, but at different times of the night? I'm totally baffled by your routine here.

[Anonymous]

"Here's what we do at our house. I part-time co-sleep. I nurse my 15mo to sleep. We do bath with 3YO brother. Read books with brother in a dimly lit room, 15 mo usually plays quietly with toys on the floor. By the time books are finished the 15mo usually shows signs of being tired. I play music for the 3Yo and take 15Mo into my bed and nurse him to sleep. There are time he doesn't want to sleep. I keep the lights off and minimize distractions. If he gets up, I keep laying him back down on the bed and softly repeat it's night-night time. Sometimes I sing. If he get's too upset, I bounce him on the yoga ball and that usually does it. Once big brother falls alseep, I move little bro to his crib. When he wakes up, I bring him into my bed and nurse him and he stays in bed with me the rest of the night. If I get truly desperate, I put him in the car and drive him around. "

Sounds INSANE. Where is DH through all of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Here's what we do at our house. I part-time co-sleep. I nurse my 15mo to sleep. We do bath with 3YO brother. Read books with brother in a dimly lit room, 15 mo usually plays quietly with toys on the floor. By the time books are finished the 15mo usually shows signs of being tired. I play music for the 3Yo and take 15Mo into my bed and nurse him to sleep. There are time he doesn't want to sleep. I keep the lights off and minimize distractions. If he gets up, I keep laying him back down on the bed and softly repeat it's night-night time. Sometimes I sing. If he get's too upset, I bounce him on the yoga ball and that usually does it. Once big brother falls alseep, I move little bro to his crib. When he wakes up, I bring him into my bed and nurse him and he stays in bed with me the rest of the night. If I get truly desperate, I put him in the car and drive him around. "

Sounds INSANE. Where is DH through all of this?

I'm the poster that said I nurse my near two year old and we have a low bed.. I agree driving your child around as part of the plan is a little too much. But is that what people think WE are doing? Just because you co-sleep, bedtime has to be a circus? Anyway, PP was detailed and it sounds complicated but probably is practice it isn't... I know people that do this and their babies are in cribs, it has NOTHING to do with co-sleeping. There are wonderful arrangements called Montessori-style rooms that I think someone here described. The child's room (or your room if you sleep all together) is safe, everything is low and no sharp corners. There are not tons of toys out to play with. Parents often put a babygate up and leave the door ajar or open. You child does not need to be in a crib to learn how to fall asleep. That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

That piece by Erica Jong is really insufferable, much like a similar piece by that asshat hanna rosin last year. Yes, we get it, you enlightened ladies: you resent the effort that biological childbearing and rearing presents to you, as a woman. Fortunately for you, modern science, society, and technology has provided a few shortcuts for you. Formula, childcare, jarred babyfood that won't kill your baby, disposable diapers that make changing baby easy, cribs that the little human's "can't get out" of. That's fine. But it's not fine to go as far as to criticize people who don't take advantages of those "conveniences" because they are outside of our values. It's OKAY that I want to make my baby's food. Just because there is a shorter and easier way, that doesn't mean it's anti-feminist to decline to take it. And I'm sorry, but although I work, and value my job and my profession, I'm very thankful that I don't let that define me. It's so silly to mock mothers for letting parenthood define them and then turn around and claim that the only activity that is worthy of feminine respect involves a paycheck and a time clock. Ugh.

BTW, you people who push your kids off at night into a crib, and do CIO even when they're teething, or at two months, etc, are ALSO impacting the rest of us, by producing ill-adjusted children who weren't treated like a baby when they were a.....wait for it.......baby.

Now go rattle someone else's cage. OP really doesn't need your hot air or irrelevant musings on AP or cosleeping. Go away.

[Anonymous]

"BTW, you people who push your kids off at night into a crib, and do CIO even when they're teething, or at two months, etc, are ALSO impacting the rest of us, by producing ill-adjusted children who weren't treated like a baby when they were a.....wait for it.......baby. "

What are the stats on this?

[Anonymous]

Also Re Erica Jong, she is an idiot. I mean, I rarely call people idiots. I was a nanny once and it's a huge responsibility: talk about "helicopter parenting"! As a nanny you can't, or perhaps are expected not to read the paper while a toddler plays by herself. Sometimes I see nannies drilling small toddlers about colors, animals sounds, numbers, which is ok but over the top. The poor child can't even hear herself think! You must alays be on top of the poor child protecting them from bruises and "stimulating them". A mother is more likely to let a child have space to imagine and basically "do nothing" which is great for their development sometimes. So if Ms. Jong boasts how great it was to fly around the country on overnight trips while leaving her baby or child with a nanny- does she think her child's every moment is not being regulated by the nanny? Ms. Jong describes all this "control" AP parents (for dire lack of a better term) have over the children and then states that AP children actually have the control? When every snack, meal, sleep, play, activity is tightly regulated on a schedule is that not excessive control? Doesn't this kind of schedule also control the parent in many ways? I think we have to realize that if you are going to have children, they will have a huge impact on your life. A huge, sweet, amazing, exhausting impact. And it happens to all of us, even moms who outsource as much as possible. That's just life.

I do resent that carrying a baby, sleeping with one, breastfeeding one, or all three is a parenting "style" attributable to the Searses. I could be described as an "AP" parent except I have never read any Dr. Sears. Each mother is an individual and parents that treat their job as part of a "fad" or espouse the expertise of others -AP or otherwise- are idiots too. How can my bed and who sleeps in it be so important to others?

There just seems to be so much confusion, misinformation and nosiness going on here.