I didn't fully comprehend the cost of eldercare

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your dad could qualify for hospice.

Also, this is the perfect time to transition him to assisted living. Have you investigated any assisted lving places near him? Would be more cost effective and there is more oversight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah what do families do when the money runs out?

The next generation goes into debt?

Medicaid if Trump does not cut it.

Or live on street.

Some states have filial responsibility laws and can force adult children to pay.

This has never been enforced. But children of elderly shouldn't sign paperwork saying they are the back up for parents going into any sort of Independent, Assisted, Memory or Nursing homes.

[Anonymous]

^ this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it's painful, but this is what retirement money is for. It's not meant to be passed down to heirs or fancy trips (although those are nice if you save a lot!), it's meant to provide care for you when you can't care for yourself.

I agree with this. My mom is about $500k into her cost of care but we’re finally nearing the end. $3k a week for 12 hours of one on one on top of over $14k a month for memory care. It’s astronomical. My brother and I have to remind ourselves from time to time that this is what our parents saved for. She has enough to cover the cost although there may not be much left over. She’d be mortified and devastated but we can sleep at night knowing we gave her the best quality of care for someone in her condition. It’s just incredibly sad any way you cut it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's painful, but this is what retirement money is for. It's not meant to be passed down to heirs or fancy trips (although those are nice if you save a lot!), it's meant to provide care for you when you can't care for yourself.

I agree with this. My mom is about $500k into her cost of care but we’re finally nearing the end. $3k a week for 12 hours of one on one on top of over $14k a month for memory care. It’s astronomical. My brother and I have to remind ourselves from time to time that this is what our parents saved for. She has enough to cover the cost although there may not be much left over. She’d be mortified and devastated but we can sleep at night knowing we gave her the best quality of care for someone in her condition. It’s just incredibly sad any way you cut it.

Yes. We see children who want to skimp on care with their parent's money in hopes of gaining and inheritance.

[Anonymous]

It's not worth $250k to stay in your own home, but old people are stubborn and the period of care doesn't usually go on for years. They also don't realize that 24 hour care is 3 eight hour sifts 365 days a year and no one works for $10/hour anymore.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this thread should be posted as a PSA everytime a healthy adult gets a "gift" from their parents for a downpayment.

The argument of "we want to watch you enjoy it now, not after we die" should be immediately followed up by "...and of course, you'll be responsible for paying our end of life care bills should we need it..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad is 90 and being released from rehab tomorrow, which is great. But he now has significant mobility issues and wants 24/7 care. He wants to be at home. I knew this wouls be expensive but am shocked at how expensive it is. We are hoping he can eventually transition away from overnight care.

I am struggling to understand how this amount of money is worth staying in your own home. I hope future old me makes a different choice.

No LTC insurance (but heard mixed reviews in whether this is worth it). Doesn't qualify for medicaid.

Does he need 24/7 care or just want it? If he needs it, and can’t afford it, it’s possible the doctor who he saw before going to rehab could tell rehab he’s not cleared to be released home. When my parent with dementia needed 24/7 care and my other parent was in denial, a hospital stay was how we forced issue and got parent into memory care(I helped with costs). Although expensive memory care was a lot less than 24/7 home care (agency we were using for part time in home care would have cost about 20k for 24/7)

[Anonymous]

I have lived the age in place thing with my own parents, one of my inlaws and my neighbors and my mindset has changed. I used to think, well it's their money and if it makes them comfortable and happy then enjoy!

Now in my small (under 10 people) sample size I see that the it may be the same type of personality that insists on staying at home, isn't going to be happy anywhere. The social and easy going relatives moved to aging facilities and they are happy (I know I visit). The age in placers I know still complain incessantly and they have constant drama with neighbors, especially their other age in place neighbors. I also notice a lot of families do what we had to do when we could no longer take all the emergencies-you hace them hire someone to manage it all-getting proper care in place because they refuse to go to rehabilitation, lining up meal services, people to take then to doctor's appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread should be posted as a PSA everytime a healthy adult gets a "gift" from their parents for a downpayment.

The argument of "we want to watch you enjoy it now, not after we die" should be immediately followed up by "...and of course, you'll be responsible for paying our end of life care bills should we need it..."

Downpayments for someone in their 20s are a drop in the bucket compared to 250k-300k a year in elder care. Most people aren't getting more than 50k for a downpayment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread should be posted as a PSA everytime a healthy adult gets a "gift" from their parents for a downpayment.

The argument of "we want to watch you enjoy it now, not after we die" should be immediately followed up by "...and of course, you'll be responsible for paying our end of life care bills should we need it..."

Downpayments for someone in their 20s are a drop in the bucket compared to 250k-300k a year in elder care. Most people aren't getting more than 50k for a downpayment.

But with compounding over time, it can add up. It is not wise to be giving away money that might be needed 30 years later for care when you are elderly. It’s much better to be able to pay for your own care when the time comes than to burden your adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad is 90 and being released from rehab tomorrow, which is great. But he now has significant mobility issues and wants 24/7 care. He wants to be at home. I knew this wouls be expensive but am shocked at how expensive it is. We are hoping he can eventually transition away from overnight care.

I am struggling to understand how this amount of money is worth staying in your own home. I hope future old me makes a different choice.

No LTC insurance (but heard mixed reviews in whether this is worth it). Doesn't qualify for medicaid.

Does he need 24/7 care or just want it? If he needs it, and can’t afford it, it’s possible the doctor who he saw before going to rehab could tell rehab he’s not cleared to be released home. When my parent with dementia needed 24/7 care and my other parent was in denial, a hospital stay was how we forced issue and got parent into memory care(I helped with costs). Although expensive memory care was a lot less than 24/7 home care (agency we were using for part time in home care would have cost about 20k for 24/7)

Something to be aware of: Doctors will rarely keep a bed filled if the patient can reasonably go to rehab. Then, if the doctor doesn't clear the patient to leave rehab, and you max out the # of days Medicare will pay for (max is 90, but that doesn't mean they will pay for 90) then the facility forces the patient to go private pay. It's a terrible trap, borne out of Congress passing a law that doesn't allow these facilities to kick people out who have nowhere to go. A byproduct is people can become "captive" (hyperbole) and can't get released. They then keep them until there is no more money and then send to a Medicaid bed. Though some will keep them and accept Medicaid money.

There are no good solutions, just the least bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's painful, but this is what retirement money is for. It's not meant to be passed down to heirs or fancy trips (although those are nice if you save a lot!), it's meant to provide care for you when you can't care for yourself.

I agree with this. My mom is about $500k into her cost of care but we’re finally nearing the end. $3k a week for 12 hours of one on one on top of over $14k a month for memory care. It’s astronomical. My brother and I have to remind ourselves from time to time that this is what our parents saved for. She has enough to cover the cost although there may not be much left over. She’d be mortified and devastated but we can sleep at night knowing we gave her the best quality of care for someone in her condition. It’s just incredibly sad any way you cut it.

Why would your mother be mortified and devastated that she is able to pay for her own care? If I were in her place, I would be happy and proud that my partner and I had planned and saved over the years so we could pay for our care as we aged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this thread should be posted as a PSA everytime a healthy adult gets a "gift" from their parents for a downpayment.

The argument of "we want to watch you enjoy it now, not after we die" should be immediately followed up by "...and of course, you'll be responsible for paying our end of life care bills should we need it..."

Downpayments for someone in their 20s are a drop in the bucket compared to 250k-300k a year in elder care. Most people aren't getting more than 50k for a downpayment.

But with compounding over time, it can add up. It is not wise to be giving away money that might be needed 30 years later for care when you are elderly. It’s much better to be able to pay for your own care when the time comes than to burden your adult children.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a relative with 24/7 home care and they’re spending north of $350,000/year.

where is all of this money going? Why do we allow the middlemen to skim off so much cash from the actual provider?