I’m unintentionally ruining DH’s morning solitude—WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so jealous of people who don’t want to hang out and read or watch TV or do crosswords or screw around. You must be so productive all of the time!

They must be insufferable. I’m not jealous of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband recently started going into work earlier, so he’s now getting up about an hour before me. He’s mentioned several times how much he enjoys the solitude of the house during that hour—he rarely gets the house to himself otherwise. I actually understand this completely, because I really enjoy the quiet of the house that I get after school drop off before I head to work.

The problem is that I wake up when he does and can’t fall back asleep. So I’m basically lying there for an hour, restless and annoyed. I’ve tried scrolling on my phone, reading, etc., but honestly I don’t enjoy just hanging out in bed. I want to get up, have coffee, eat breakfast, get dressed, start my day.

At the same time, I don’t want to ruin his alone time by getting up too. I know once he hears me moving around, it changes the feeling for him. I thought about just grabbing coffee and bringing it back upstairs, but that sounds miserable to me too. I’m not someone who likes lounging in bed once I’m awake.

So what’s the reasonable compromise here? I’m trying not to be selfish, but I also live here and don’t really want to spend an hour trapped in bed every morning. Curious how others would handle this.

Divorce

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have very different natural sleep schedules and we also value our alone time, with 2 little kids in the house. I'm in bed by 10:00 and wake up around 5:30 so I have some time to get ready before the kids get up around 7. My husband has his alone time after everyone's in bed and usually sleeps from 12-7. The only way we could make it work was to sleep in separate bedrooms. We don't get great sleep in the same bed and with the schedule differences, it made sense for us. You could try that out and see if it helps.

[Anonymous]

We get up early. DH (WFH) goes for a run. I get the kitchen and patio to myself until I leave for work.

[Anonymous]

Have you causally spoken to your DH about your perceived problem? I am betting he simply wants quiet in these early hours. No talking about your upcoming day, or the kids or the latest political stuff. Get your coffee and go about your day.

[Anonymous]

Get a cup of coffee (or better yet, start a routine where he brings you a cup of coffee) and either read, go on a walk, meditate or do yoga, or get up and sit at a computer and take care of whatever ‘work’ (job or personal) you can get done. Or start going to the gym or on a walk. My husband takes a 30 min walk everyone morning and really likes it.

Could you create a little sitting area, desk, or workout space in your room? Sounds like it’s the lying in bed feeling like you can’t start your day that is bugging you - but if you got up and moved to a slightly different setting and did something to scratch your need to be productive itch I think you could figure out morning routines that makes everyone start the day well.

Sounds like you are both kind spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so jealous of people who don’t want to hang out and read or watch TV or do crosswords or screw around. You must be so productive all of the time!

They must be insufferable. I’m not jealous of that.

Quite a jump to call them insufferable. That’s only if they complain that not everyone is like them or not pulling their weight. If they just do their thing they’re just…doing their thing. Op doesn’t seem insufferable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think this is a you problem. Wear ear plugs while you sleep if you don’t want to wake up, and use a white noise machine. Or just get up and leave for work. Sometimes I wake up super early and just go to work. Dh takes the kids to school anyways. Then I have more time in the evening to come home earlier.

I feel like people are missing the fact that OP has kids she takes to school. They are suggesting things like going to the gym, or just leaving for work, when she clearly needs to be home for childcare if her DH is leaving early.

That’s the problem with this site and many of its posters. They use their own narratives as advice instead of the information provided, or they claim it’s a lie, or whatever.

Just go to work, OP, forget about your kids. Surely you can wake up, get dressed, drive to the gym, get a workout in, drive home, all within the HOUR before her husband leaves for work.

People are so weird.

You made stuff up, too. Who’s to say that OP doesn’t have time for a run or to lift weights in her house. There is a particular type of poster who is always looking for the problems and the reason to say no, too.

Getting up and lifting weights in the house would also disturb his solitude. Are you serious? She might as well just get up and start her day at that point!

[Anonymous]

I feel your husband so much! I love my husband, but he doesn’t know the meaning of the word solitude. I just want 30 minutes 40 minutes to myself. He’ll come down and immediately start talking- any sit right next to me despite an entire living room is worth of empty seats. I just want a little bit of solitude as well.

I just laugh about it now. If I get 10 minutes to myself, I count that as a win.

[Anonymous]

Do y’all live in 1 bedroom condos or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think this is a you problem. Wear ear plugs while you sleep if you don’t want to wake up, and use a white noise machine. Or just get up and leave for work. Sometimes I wake up super early and just go to work. Dh takes the kids to school anyways. Then I have more time in the evening to come home earlier.

I feel like people are missing the fact that OP has kids she takes to school. They are suggesting things like going to the gym, or just leaving for work, when she clearly needs to be home for childcare if her DH is leaving early.

That’s the problem with this site and many of its posters. They use their own narratives as advice instead of the information provided, or they claim it’s a lie, or whatever.

Just go to work, OP, forget about your kids. Surely you can wake up, get dressed, drive to the gym, get a workout in, drive home, all within the HOUR before her husband leaves for work.

People are so weird.

You made stuff up, too. Who’s to say that OP doesn’t have time for a run or to lift weights in her house. There is a particular type of poster who is always looking for the problems and the reason to say no, too.

Getting up and lifting weights in the house would also disturb his solitude. Are you serious? She might as well just get up and start her day at that point!

There you go again - making up sh*t. You have no idea how their house is arranged and obviously know nothing about lifting dumb bells. Just another poster looking for “no.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so jealous of people who don’t want to hang out and read or watch TV or do crosswords or screw around. You must be so productive all of the time!

They must be insufferable. I’m not jealous of that.

Quite a jump to call them insufferable. That’s only if they complain that not everyone is like them or not pulling their weight. If they just do their thing they’re just…doing their thing. Op doesn’t seem insufferable to me.

Work on reading comprehension. OP enjoys her solitude later in the morning. The first PP was obviously commenting on the people who don’t understand the need for quiet solitude, not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you imagine if the roles were reversed and a woman was the one who wanted solitude in the AM and expected her husband to just lie in bed for an hour? We’d be all over her for being ridiculous.

Your husband is being ridiculous.

I know. It’s actually made me think twice about my own marriage. It’s like OP isn’t even welcome in her own home anymore. After her husband chooses to interrupt her sleep and wake her up an hour early every morning. Unbelievable.

Do you overreact in all parts of your life?

[Anonymous]

Is there any way that your husband can wake up w/out you waking up??
If at all possible - - this would be the most ideal solution.

Other suggestions would be for you to hop in the shower or maybe listen to a podcast in bed, etc.