I’m unintentionally ruining DH’s morning solitude—WWYD?

[Anonymous]

My husband recently started going into work earlier, so he’s now getting up about an hour before me. He’s mentioned several times how much he enjoys the solitude of the house during that hour—he rarely gets the house to himself otherwise. I actually understand this completely, because I really enjoy the quiet of the house that I get after school drop off before I head to work.

The problem is that I wake up when he does and can’t fall back asleep. So I’m basically lying there for an hour, restless and annoyed. I’ve tried scrolling on my phone, reading, etc., but honestly I don’t enjoy just hanging out in bed. I want to get up, have coffee, eat breakfast, get dressed, start my day.

At the same time, I don’t want to ruin his alone time by getting up too. I know once he hears me moving around, it changes the feeling for him. I thought about just grabbing coffee and bringing it back upstairs, but that sounds miserable to me too. I’m not someone who likes lounging in bed once I’m awake.

So what’s the reasonable compromise here? I’m trying not to be selfish, but I also live here and don’t really want to spend an hour trapped in bed every morning. Curious how others would handle this.

[Anonymous]

Time alone at home is precious to me too. You're a nice wife for recognizing his need for it.

How about you tee up some chores that you can do quietly upstairs, such as folding laundry. Or maybe yoga or stretching or hand weights.

[Anonymous]

Can you get up and go for a walk? How long does he need the solitude? ( not being snarky) getting up an hour hourly just to sit in the quiet seems odd to me.
You could get up when he does, get ready, then go for a walk or exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you get up and go for a walk? How long does he need the solitude? ( not being snarky) getting up an hour hourly just to sit in the quiet seems odd to me.
You could get up when he does, get ready, then go for a walk or exercise.

He gets up, tends to the dog, has breakfast, gets dressed himself (in the downstairs bathroom, as to not disturb me—only I can’t help waking up!), and has coffee quietly before he leaves. I think he just enjoys doing all of this in peace. I get it.

[Anonymous]

Take a cup of coffee back to bed and read. Since I retired, I do this everyday and love the alone time too.

[Anonymous]

Maybe talk to your husband and let him know how YOU are feeling.

[Anonymous]

Grab your coffee and your iPad/phone/book and return to your room. This shouldn’t be hard. Some people don’t want to speak during their first hour of being awake.

[Anonymous]

Can you come up with a plan where you get your coffee and breakfast and retreat to a separate room? It doesn't have to be your bedroom. I'm like your DH and need some solitude in the morning . . . so I retreat with my coffee to the living room, close the French doors, and chill.

[Anonymous]

Could you get up with him some days and stay in bed other days? That way you're each getting what you want, part of the time.

[Anonymous]

make a morning chill spot somewhere just for you.

[Anonymous]

So you’re waking up earlier now because he’s up earlier? I think the only option is for him to sleep in a different room/bed so it doesn’t wake you. If it wakes you, of course you are allowed to get up.

[Anonymous]

Have kids.

[Anonymous]

Talk
To
Him

[Anonymous]

You’re very thoughtful. I would ask if he’s okay with a half hour of solitude: during that time you can stretch, have a shower, brush your teeth etc and then join him.

Just clarify a compromise that will work for you both.

[Anonymous]

What is it you want to do with that extra time? I’d go to the gym.

Another option, my guess is you are waking up because he’s getting ready? Maybe he can do minimal things, have his quiet time, and get ready at the usual time?