I’m unintentionally ruining DH’s morning solitude—WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I'd be mad that my husband is waking me before my natural wake time, OP! My sleep is sacrosanct.

I'd ask him to make less noise.

[Anonymous]

He's not getting up an hour before you! He's changing both of your sleep schedules!

I think he either has to sleep in another room, or you need to figure out how to fall back asleep if you want that hour back (white noise machine with nice water sounds that he turns on when he gets up?), or he has to deal with you quietly existing in the morning. You can get up without being chatty.

[Anonymous]

How small is your house that this is a problem? I live in 700 square feet and I spend every morning on our deck in warm weather or in the tiny sunroom in cold weather. For the same reason, morning solitude. Just stay out of each others way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a cup of coffee back to bed and read. Since I retired, I do this everyday and love the alone time too.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Someone sleeps in a different bedroom. it's a wonderful thing, I'm telling you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you get up and go for a walk? How long does he need the solitude? ( not being snarky) getting up an hour hourly just to sit in the quiet seems odd to me.
You could get up when he does, get ready, then go for a walk or exercise.

I get up early to have solitude and drink a cup of coffee before I get the kids up. I don’t think it’s that odd.

OP, I wouldn’t like it if my husband came into my space and wanted to talk, but it doesn’t bother me if he is showering and getting his own day started in a different part of the house.

[Anonymous]

Can you get dressed before you eat breakfast and drink coffee?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone sleeps in a different bedroom. it's a wonderful thing, I'm telling you.

We do this during the week so my husband can wake up early and not wake me. Works out well for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time alone at home is precious to me too. You're a nice wife for recognizing his need for it.

How about you tee up some chores that you can do quietly upstairs, such as folding laundry. Or maybe yoga or stretching or hand weights.

Why does husband get an hour by himself to do nothing and wife has more to add on her 'to do' list? Why can't the husband learn how to be quiet when he wakes up???

It isn't an hour to do nothing. He is getting ready for work. She says he showers, gets dressed, makes breakfast, deals with the dogs, and makes himself a coffee. He is just going through a normal morning routine but he likes that he can go through this morning routine alone. Just like some people like to exercise alone raher than having someone talk to them the entire time they run and the same reason that OP says she likes having the house to herself before going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'd be mad that my husband is waking me before my natural wake time, OP! My sleep is sacrosanct.

I'd ask him to make less noise.

Someone has to wake up first to deal with kids, dogs, and get ready for work. It isn't that common that both people get to wake up at their natural wake time. He likely isn't waking up at his natural wake time either but the dogs need to be let out and he has to get ready for work. And for a lot of people it is movement, not noise that wakes them up. She said he goes downstairs to shower and get dressed to avoid waking her so he is clearly being considerate.

[Anonymous]

My partner brings me coffee in bed, and then retreats to his solitude.

I agree with other posters that this is a convo for the two of you to have. We can't know what he considers disruptive. You sound reasonable and kind, a good foundation for working something like this out.

[Anonymous]

Can't you just sit somewhere quietly with your coffee, in a room he doesn't generally use in the AM? Reading or on your laptop or whatever? No need to go back to bed, that's silly. My husband and I each have studies but, if we didn't, I'd select another room option. He's only using the kitchen, his study, or bathroom. So I'd go to the living room, dining room, or sunroom. Or even one of the kids' rooms and sit at their desk.

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't scroll first thing in the morning. That's one easy way to be miserable.

Personally with an extra hour of quiet in the morning, I'd do a combo of the following on different days:
Go to the gym
Yoga or Pilates
Talk a walk/jog
Read
Journal
Meditate

The last two are relatively new for me but just starting the practice has been amazing for my mental health.

[Anonymous]

OP, as someone who gets up at the crack of dawn to have some peace and quiet before the day starts, I just want to say that you're awesome for recognizing your spouse's needs and trying to accommodate. I get where you're coming from, too, so I hope you can figure out something that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you imagine if the roles were reversed and a woman was the one who wanted solitude in the AM and expected her husband to just lie in bed for an hour? We’d be all over her for being ridiculous.

Your husband is being ridiculous.

I do that for my wife.

We all make sacrifices for love.