I’m unintentionally ruining DH’s morning solitude—WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you imagine if the roles were reversed and a woman was the one who wanted solitude in the AM and expected her husband to just lie in bed for an hour? We’d be all over her for being ridiculous.

Your husband is being ridiculous.

I know. It’s actually made me think twice about my own marriage. It’s like OP isn’t even welcome in her own home anymore. After her husband chooses to interrupt her sleep and wake her up an hour early every morning. Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk
To
Him

Male here.

This is the exact opposite of what I want.

And if it’s all logistical house stuff I will be struggling to hide my resentment.

Can I please have 5 minutes of peace and quiet to myself to start the day ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd be mad that my husband is waking me before my natural wake time, OP! My sleep is sacrosanct.

I'd ask him to make less noise.

Someone has to wake up first to deal with kids, dogs, and get ready for work. It isn't that common that both people get to wake up at their natural wake time. He likely isn't waking up at his natural wake time either but the dogs need to be let out and he has to get ready for work. And for a lot of people it is movement, not noise that wakes them up. She said he goes downstairs to shower and get dressed to avoid waking her so he is clearly being considerate.

PP you replied to. I'm a night owl and my husband is an early bird: he does the morning routine, I do the laundry and walk the dogs at night. After difficult years making too much noise in the morning, he learned to be extra quiet. He has ADHD and tends to forget how loud he is, so it took a few years, whereas I walk like a mouse and know how to navigate the squeaky stairs.

Sorry, this post triggered a memory of that time

[Anonymous]

Separate bedrooms

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem a little overly selfless - he is waking you up, then annoyed that you're there. Agree that he or you sleep elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you imagine if the roles were reversed and a woman was the one who wanted solitude in the AM and expected her husband to just lie in bed for an hour? We’d be all over her for being ridiculous.

Your husband is being ridiculous.

I know. It’s actually made me think twice about my own marriage. It’s like OP isn’t even welcome in her own home anymore. After her husband chooses to interrupt her sleep and wake her up an hour early every morning. Unbelievable.

Wow. I get up early because I like the time to myself before the kids get up. I really don’t want DH in my space.
He usually sleeps another 15 minutes, then he showers and shaves.

Is it really that crazy to want 30 minutes a day uninterrupted to watch my stupid shows and drink coffee?

[Anonymous]

I do think this is a you problem. Wear ear plugs while you sleep if you don’t want to wake up, and use a white noise machine. Or just get up and leave for work. Sometimes I wake up super early and just go to work. Dh takes the kids to school anyways. Then I have more time in the evening to come home earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd be mad that my husband is waking me before my natural wake time, OP! My sleep is sacrosanct.

I'd ask him to make less noise.

Someone has to wake up first to deal with kids, dogs, and get ready for work. It isn't that common that both people get to wake up at their natural wake time. He likely isn't waking up at his natural wake time either but the dogs need to be let out and he has to get ready for work. And for a lot of people it is movement, not noise that wakes them up. She said he goes downstairs to shower and get dressed to avoid waking her so he is clearly being considerate.

PP you replied to. I'm a night owl and my husband is an early bird: he does the morning routine, I do the laundry and walk the dogs at night. After difficult years making too much noise in the morning, he learned to be extra quiet. He has ADHD and tends to forget how loud he is, so it took a few years, whereas I walk like a mouse and know how to navigate the squeaky stairs.

Sorry, this post triggered a memory of that time

I’m the morning person and I get to work at 6am. I wake up and dress downstairs. I don’t make a peep. I just get up and slink out. I put on makeup during my morning status call.

[Anonymous]

Surprised all these people want solitude. I do want that from my kids but never spouse. I like getting ready with him in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My partner brings me coffee in bed, and then retreats to his solitude.

I agree with other posters that this is a convo for the two of you to have. We can't know what he considers disruptive. You sound reasonable and kind, a good foundation for working something like this out.

Was going to suggest this. Have him bring you coffee in bed. Read or take a hot bath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think this is a you problem. Wear ear plugs while you sleep if you don’t want to wake up, and use a white noise machine. Or just get up and leave for work. Sometimes I wake up super early and just go to work. Dh takes the kids to school anyways. Then I have more time in the evening to come home earlier.

I feel like people are missing the fact that OP has kids she takes to school. They are suggesting things like going to the gym, or just leaving for work, when she clearly needs to be home for childcare if her DH is leaving early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think this is a you problem. Wear ear plugs while you sleep if you don’t want to wake up, and use a white noise machine. Or just get up and leave for work. Sometimes I wake up super early and just go to work. Dh takes the kids to school anyways. Then I have more time in the evening to come home earlier.

I feel like people are missing the fact that OP has kids she takes to school. They are suggesting things like going to the gym, or just leaving for work, when she clearly needs to be home for childcare if her DH is leaving early.

That’s the problem with this site and many of its posters. They use their own narratives as advice instead of the information provided, or they claim it’s a lie, or whatever.

Just go to work, OP, forget about your kids. Surely you can wake up, get dressed, drive to the gym, get a workout in, drive home, all within the HOUR before her husband leaves for work.

People are so weird.

[Anonymous]

I’m so jealous of people who don’t want to hang out and read or watch TV or do crosswords or screw around. You must be so productive all of the time!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you want to sleep later, at least some of those days. Is there a guest room one of you can sleep in a few days a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think this is a you problem. Wear ear plugs while you sleep if you don’t want to wake up, and use a white noise machine. Or just get up and leave for work. Sometimes I wake up super early and just go to work. Dh takes the kids to school anyways. Then I have more time in the evening to come home earlier.

I feel like people are missing the fact that OP has kids she takes to school. They are suggesting things like going to the gym, or just leaving for work, when she clearly needs to be home for childcare if her DH is leaving early.

That’s the problem with this site and many of its posters. They use their own narratives as advice instead of the information provided, or they claim it’s a lie, or whatever.

Just go to work, OP, forget about your kids. Surely you can wake up, get dressed, drive to the gym, get a workout in, drive home, all within the HOUR before her husband leaves for work.

People are so weird.

You made stuff up, too. Who’s to say that OP doesn’t have time for a run or to lift weights in her house. There is a particular type of poster who is always looking for the problems and the reason to say no, too.