DH doesn’t acknowledge mothers day

[Anonymous]

This is clearly indicative of other issues ... what are you doing to remedy those? Don't place an outsized importance on a made up holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Neither of us have living mothers. His mom died before we married, so I don’t know if he ever celebrated her. I have talked extensively with him about this matter, and him not participating is not due to a lack of communication or understanding. I’m exhausted to be honest. I don’t think it’s ridiculous to want my spouse to say thanks once a year for being a good parent. oh well, there’s nothing I can do about it.

I’m just gonna celebrate alone with the girls. It just feels embracing to be treated like this every year and for the girls to see it.

We do have sex, but not as often as we used to.

Why is Mother’s Day so important to you? Why are you making it such a huge deal that it’s turning into a major issue in your relationship?
If you have a solid relationship with your husband, you are being valued and celebrated as a mom on various occasions throughout the year, not being honored on Mother’s Day shouldn’t be a big deal. However, if that’s not the case, and you’re not even feeling appreciated on Mother’s Day, then you might have a more serious problem in your marriage than just Mother’s Day.

Does he celebrate you on Valentine’s Day, your Birthday, Women’s Day, Thanksgiving, etc., but only neglect to recognize Mother’s Day?
I would find that hard to believe.

You have a much larger issue in your marriage than just Mother’s Day.
You need to address it. Don’t e distracted by Mother’s Day.

You can please just pin this for all these future Mother's Day and Valentine's Day posts? These holidays are generally only a big deal to people who aren't treated well/celebrated/respected throughout the year, in which case the failure to acknowledge the holiday is not the problem you actually have.

No need to pin, somebody makes this point every year, in every single one of these threads. The reality is that few, if any, husbands who celebrate and appreciate their wives all year round are also doing NOTHING to acknowledge the day. Sure, maybe there's no need for overpriced, overcrowded brunches or $$$ gifts, but these guys are at least getting their wives a card (or helping kids make one).

What's your point? The point above is that the fact that these holidays not being celebrated isn't the issue - the issues is much bigger. So why focus on a single day and act like the other 364 days of the year your marriage is just fine. It's clearly not. So why spin your wheels and get all bent out of shape because a guy who has never acknowledged you or listened you and who doesn't respect you doesn't do anything for this one day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him that you want him to celebrate Mother's Day?

If he says "absolutely, this year will be different" and then fails, you talk about the failure. Also, it comes with an apology.

If he says "I just don't believe in it" then you have to decide whether you can accept that or not.

Either way, stop weaponizing Father's Day about it. If it's important to you from a values perspective to celebrate Father's Day and teach your kids to celebrate it, you continue doing it for yourself and your kids.

Eh, I'm kind of over teaching our daughters to be doormats. If a man is mistreating you, show him the same kind of treatment.

That's the lesson you want your daughters to learn? That's pretty pathetic, honestly.

What’s your solution?

She can’t go back in time and marry a different man. She’s already tried talking to him and asking him to do better. Getting divorced and giving up half your children’s childhood comes with bigger problems. All that’s left is matching his energy and stop modeling being a doormat.

What’s your brilliant solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is clearly indicative of other issues ... what are you doing to remedy those? Don't place an outsized importance on a made up holiday.

Every holiday is made up, ffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is clearly indicative of other issues ... what are you doing to remedy those? Don't place an outsized importance on a made up holiday.

Every holiday is made up, ffs.

This is why focusing on these holidays is pure stupidity.
The issues are deeper than the holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You married wrong.

"But he ticked all the boxes! He's tall and makes six figures!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him that you want him to celebrate Mother's Day?

If he says "absolutely, this year will be different" and then fails, you talk about the failure. Also, it comes with an apology.

If he says "I just don't believe in it" then you have to decide whether you can accept that or not.

Either way, stop weaponizing Father's Day about it. If it's important to you from a values perspective to celebrate Father's Day and teach your kids to celebrate it, you continue doing it for yourself and your kids.

Eh, I'm kind of over teaching our daughters to be doormats. If a man is mistreating you, show him the same kind of treatment.

That's the lesson you want your daughters to learn? That's pretty pathetic, honestly.

What’s your solution?

She can’t go back in time and marry a different man. She’s already tried talking to him and asking him to do better. Getting divorced and giving up half your children’s childhood comes with bigger problems. All that’s left is matching his energy and stop modeling being a doormat.

What’s your brilliant solution?

I'm not going to bother answering you with your attitude, but I think stooping to the level of the person treating you poorly is a pretty stupid thing to do. But you go all eye-for-an-eye if you want.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered doing more chores around the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him that you want him to celebrate Mother's Day?

If he says "absolutely, this year will be different" and then fails, you talk about the failure. Also, it comes with an apology.

If he says "I just don't believe in it" then you have to decide whether you can accept that or not.

Either way, stop weaponizing Father's Day about it. If it's important to you from a values perspective to celebrate Father's Day and teach your kids to celebrate it, you continue doing it for yourself and your kids.

Eh, I'm kind of over teaching our daughters to be doormats. If a man is mistreating you, show him the same kind of treatment.

That's the lesson you want your daughters to learn? That's pretty pathetic, honestly.

What’s your solution?

She can’t go back in time and marry a different man. She’s already tried talking to him and asking him to do better. Getting divorced and giving up half your children’s childhood comes with bigger problems. All that’s left is matching his energy and stop modeling being a doormat.

What’s your brilliant solution?

I'm not going to bother answering you with your attitude, but I think stooping to the level of the person treating you poorly is a pretty stupid thing to do. But you go all eye-for-an-eye if you want.

DP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with treating people the way they treat you. You are welcome to be a doormat if you wish. I refuse to be one and I refuse to teach my daughters to just take whatever crumbs they get. If you had a better idea, you would have suggested it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with treating people the way they treat you. You are welcome to be a doormat if you wish.

Hopefully there are no children involved in your race-to-the-bottom failed marriage.

my daughters

Shame on both of you.

[Anonymous]

OP, has your DH explained why he isn’t willing to celebrate with you? If it’s a difficult day for him since he lost his mom AND he’s overall a great husband, I would have some sympathy for him. Otherwise, I don’t and would do the following:

1. Tell your DD that you would love homemade gifts from them and that they’re the best kind. That will allow them to honor you, even if their dad isn’t wiling to help. FWIW, now that two of my three are teens and only the nine year old still makes homemade gifts, I really appreciate the ones I’ve received over the years.

2. Plan a celebration with your DDs next year and every year until they’re old enough to plan it themselves.

3. Stop planning something for Father’s Day for you DH.

4. Take a good look at the state of your marriage and figure out if counseling might help. Failing to celebrate Mother’s Day alone isn’t enough of a reason to go to counseling. But, what you’re asking your DH to do (honor you in some way on Mother’s Day) isn’t that hard and you’ve told him repeatedly it’s important. That he’s not willing to do that, suggests there are bigger issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him that you want him to celebrate Mother's Day?

If he says "absolutely, this year will be different" and then fails, you talk about the failure. Also, it comes with an apology.

If he says "I just don't believe in it" then you have to decide whether you can accept that or not.

Either way, stop weaponizing Father's Day about it. If it's important to you from a values perspective to celebrate Father's Day and teach your kids to celebrate it, you continue doing it for yourself and your kids.

Eh, I'm kind of over teaching our daughters to be doormats. If a man is mistreating you, show him the same kind of treatment.

That's the lesson you want your daughters to learn? That's pretty pathetic, honestly.

What’s your solution?

She can’t go back in time and marry a different man. She’s already tried talking to him and asking him to do better. Getting divorced and giving up half your children’s childhood comes with bigger problems. All that’s left is matching his energy and stop modeling being a doormat.

What’s your brilliant solution?

I'm not going to bother answering you with your attitude, but I think stooping to the level of the person treating you poorly is a pretty stupid thing to do. But you go all eye-for-an-eye if you want.

DP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with treating people the way they treat you. You are welcome to be a doormat if you wish. I refuse to be one and I refuse to teach my daughters to just take whatever crumbs they get. If you had a better idea, you would have suggested it.

I’m generally in favor of being the bigger person, but in this case, OP has tried to remedy the situation in other ways.

No harm in ignoring FD this one year as an experiment and seeing what happens.

For some people, giving them a taste of their own medicine is the only thing that gets their attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him that you want him to celebrate Mother's Day?

If he says "absolutely, this year will be different" and then fails, you talk about the failure. Also, it comes with an apology.

If he says "I just don't believe in it" then you have to decide whether you can accept that or not.

Either way, stop weaponizing Father's Day about it. If it's important to you from a values perspective to celebrate Father's Day and teach your kids to celebrate it, you continue doing it for yourself and your kids.

Eh, I'm kind of over teaching our daughters to be doormats. If a man is mistreating you, show him the same kind of treatment.

That's the lesson you want your daughters to learn? That's pretty pathetic, honestly.

What’s your solution?

She can’t go back in time and marry a different man. She’s already tried talking to him and asking him to do better. Getting divorced and giving up half your children’s childhood comes with bigger problems. All that’s left is matching his energy and stop modeling being a doormat.

What’s your brilliant solution?

I'm not going to bother answering you with your attitude, but I think stooping to the level of the person treating you poorly is a pretty stupid thing to do. But you go all eye-for-an-eye if you want.

DP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with treating people the way they treat you. You are welcome to be a doormat if you wish. I refuse to be one and I refuse to teach my daughters to just take whatever crumbs they get. If you had a better idea, you would have suggested it.

Are you dim? I'm not a doormat, but that doesn't mean I go tit for tat with people. It's kind of shocking that you can't appreciate the difference. But again, there's no point in discussing it with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him that you want him to celebrate Mother's Day?

If he says "absolutely, this year will be different" and then fails, you talk about the failure. Also, it comes with an apology.

If he says "I just don't believe in it" then you have to decide whether you can accept that or not.

Either way, stop weaponizing Father's Day about it. If it's important to you from a values perspective to celebrate Father's Day and teach your kids to celebrate it, you continue doing it for yourself and your kids.

Eh, I'm kind of over teaching our daughters to be doormats. If a man is mistreating you, show him the same kind of treatment.

That's the lesson you want your daughters to learn? That's pretty pathetic, honestly.

What’s your solution?

She can’t go back in time and marry a different man. She’s already tried talking to him and asking him to do better. Getting divorced and giving up half your children’s childhood comes with bigger problems. All that’s left is matching his energy and stop modeling being a doormat.

What’s your brilliant solution?

I'm not going to bother answering you with your attitude, but I think stooping to the level of the person treating you poorly is a pretty stupid thing to do. But you go all eye-for-an-eye if you want.

DP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with treating people the way they treat you. You are welcome to be a doormat if you wish. I refuse to be one and I refuse to teach my daughters to just take whatever crumbs they get. If you had a better idea, you would have suggested it.

I’m generally in favor of being the bigger person, but in this case, OP has tried to remedy the situation in other ways.

No harm in ignoring FD this one year as an experiment and seeing what happens.

For some people, giving them a taste of their own medicine is the only thing that gets their attention.

You think so?

She married a guy who didn't want to celebrate her and then she had two kids with him and now she's mad that he...still doesn't want to celebrate her. I'd love to get the husband's perspective here. I think OP hasn't actually attempted to remedy the situation in other ways, I think she just keeps saying the same thing over and over again and not diving into why this matters to her, why his reaction is what it is, etc. She sounds immature, which is likely why she thinks the idea to ignore him on FD sounds like a good idea. As another poster said, enjoy your race to the bottom.