DH doesn’t acknowledge mothers day

[Anonymous]

OP here. I appreciate everyone who chimed in. To answer some questions…..both my parents are dead. When I mention the matter to him he always says he’ll remedy it, but then never does anything. I should’ve know when our first was born and he didn’t get even a card or express appreciation, even though he claimed he wanted to be a dad so bad

I am over letting this upset me. I think I will just stop Father’s Day celebrations, and take the advice to plan something with daughters next year. Maybe we could also do a small something this weekend. Even though DH isn’t teaching them how a man should treat the mom of his kids, at a minimum I can teach them how to respond when that happens.

Thank everyone for your ideas.

[Anonymous]

Does he have a living mother and does she get anything? Or is Mother's Day just never a thing for him or his culture?

I get card and what I want to do for dinner and we have cats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You married wrong.

Why?
It’s the kids who should acknowledge it.
The wife is not his mom.

Stop playing dumb. A five year old isn't going to know how to do this on their own nor can they take themselves to the store to get some flowers and a card.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Good on him. Stupid "holiday".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you communicated that this is important to you?

Yes, I have clearly communicated that this important many many times.

Did you communicate this during the first three years your had your first child before you went on to have a second child with this guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you tell him that you want him to celebrate Mother's Day?

If he says "absolutely, this year will be different" and then fails, you talk about the failure. Also, it comes with an apology.

If he says "I just don't believe in it" then you have to decide whether you can accept that or not.

Either way, stop weaponizing Father's Day about it. If it's important to you from a values perspective to celebrate Father's Day and teach your kids to celebrate it, you continue doing it for yourself and your kids.

Eh, I'm kind of over teaching our daughters to be doormats. If a man is mistreating you, show him the same kind of treatment.

That's the lesson you want your daughters to learn? That's pretty pathetic, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You married wrong.

Why?
It’s the kids who should acknowledge it.
The wife is not his mom.

Fair enough. He needs to show the kids how to acknowledge their mom.

My kids started bringing me all kinds of cards and crafts before kindergarten from school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have two girls 4 and 7. He’s never acknowledged me on Mother’s Day even though every year I’ve asked, and acknowledge Father day for him.

Growing up both of these holidays were important in my household and each parent would take the kids to pick out a gift for the other parent and also make handmade gifts when we were young.

I don’t like the model it shows our girls that I get ignored. What is the best solution here? Do I just take the girls shopping with DH’s credit card? I’m tired of being disappointed each year. The girls even as themselves to be taken shopping and he doesn’t do it.

Just communicate to him that it would make you happy and would be a good lesson for your daughters to value their mom and MIL and to expect their husbands to value them. Is he doing anything for his mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop acknowledging Fathers Day.

Nope. Being passive aggressive in a family isn't the right approach. Make father's day a bigger deal. Eventually he'll reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the usual advice to ignore Fathers Day because who wants to model this race to the bottom for their kids?

Do we know the dad wants to be celebrated on Father's Day? Maybe he's modeling what he wants.

I think OP should take her daughters for a weekend away next year. Dad gets a weekend free from expectations he doesn't want to meet, Mom gets anything she wants, daughters get a chance to acknowledge their mom, which they seem to want to do.

So a child free weekend for dad to do whatever he wants. Uhm, hahahahahahahahhaa? How about mom takes a trip by herself and the kids stay with dad.

The daughters want to do something for their mother for Mother's Day, and by 4 and 7 (or 5 and 8 next year), my kids were pretty good company. We'd have had fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop acknowledging Fathers Day.

Nope. Being passive aggressive in a family isn't the right approach. Make father's day a bigger deal. Eventually he'll reciprocate.

It's not Surrendered Wife Day, ffs

I wish people would learn what "passive aggressive" means. Not foisting celebrations on someone who doesn't want them isn't it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The girls ask to be taken shopping by him and he doesn't do it? And he knows it's important to you? Does he have any defense to this? Because that is over-the-top crappy.

If this is truly an isolated issue (truly), then I'd ask a trusted friend next year. "Hey Susan, Tim NEVER does anything to help Larla and Larlo get me a Mother's Day gift. It's a super bummer, and they actually really want to do it and I would love it. Would you do me a favor and take them shopping to buy me something and get me a card? I'll pay."

Great for a close family friend who doesn't have kids or is past the little kid stage, and is good with your kids. I can think of three people right off the top of my head I could ask this to. Oh, and I would ABSOLUTELY tell him you're doing it.

If it's not an isolated incident (seems like the most likely option, most people aren't jerks in a vacuum) it sounds like it's time for marriage counseling.

Assuming the trusted friend is also a mom, that would be a crappy thing to do. Don’t put it on a friend. It’s your husband‘s responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any sisters nearby or close friends who are "Aunt so-and-so"? If so, could they take your kids to pick out gifts for you?

It sounds silly, but if any of my close friends were in your shoes I'd be thrilled to take their kids to pick out some flowers and a small gift for their mom.

Your husband is an ass.

Don’t burden other women because the husband is an ass.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys have sex still?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you married to someone who doesn't prioritize you?

Good question.