WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?

[Anonymous]

“Part of it is that especially if your parental leave ends at 4-6 months AND you have a reasonably-unfussy baby AND you have a flexible work schedule (which is a lot of things to go right, but hardly shooting the moon - this would have been me with 2/3 of my kids) it can be feasible... in the short term. You can work during 2-3 naps, work a bit after bedtime, probably get in an hour while baby is awake and entertained with toys or food, and you can keep an eye on slack and be responsive basically all day. You can probably get in 5-6 hours of work a day, which is what plenty of people are doing anyway... for a few months. And you get in a groove, and you think you've got this awesome solution, and you save SO much money. But of course naps will shorten and baby will start crawling and then once that morning nap is gone, you're SOL. And then you feel stuck.”

I think this is a good explanation of why moms try it. It was my experience with my oldest. My remote job was pretty flexible, he slept like a champ and was pretty chill. I had him in daycare (where I could go nurse at lunch) 4 days a week and home with me on Fridays. Fridays were also super slow work wise, so it worked out fine. it got a little complicated when I had 2 more and only signed them up for 4 days. I would have preferred to SAHM but financially needed to work. It was my way of kind of doing both.

We then moved when the youngest was 4 months, 2.5 and 4.5. We knew no one and had no family within 12 hours. I kept working with all 3 at home because we didn’t realize the day cares all had at least 6 month waits. I was able to flex my time and between my husband covering some made it work. I almost lost my mind until 6 months later when school/preschool started for the older two. Just having 1 home seemed like cake and we’d met a neighbor who watched him some. That being said, I was able to avoid any tantrums on calls (we were not yet doing video calls) and no one from work said a thing.

Then I got to do it all again with Covid and 8/6/4 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I had to deal with this as a manager and it was the pits. Unavailable for hours at a time during the workday and a screaming baby on every call. Employee was overly candid, "sorry if you hear grunting, I'm breastfeeding and he is a noisy eater" "oh, I have to drop, baby just puked!" Etc so there wasn't even a veneer of this working out well and I had to have many conversations with HR. Unfortunately there was no requirement to have childcare per se, but a lot on remote working expectations that could be enforced so went down that path with some significant resistance. In the case of this woman her justification was that she was "too cheap" to get childcare and I basically had to spell it out for her that that was a drop in the bucket compared to losing her 200k/year remote job that was now at risk if she couldn't get it together. So, at least some people are just clueless. Nobody was more pissed off by it than fellow moms of young kids, myself included.

Be careful with the breastfeeding. There is a legal right to breastfeeding breaks.

Oh, we know lol. Spent way too much time discussing the nitty gritty of how to handle delicately and legally. This specific case was a little unique in that mom had a 7 month maternity leave, 2 month ramp up at part time, and was given a lot of leeway for the first few months back so the baby in question was over a year old when the lack of childcare really became an issue.

You should have found a valid reason to fire this cretin.

Relocation and 5 day RTO or out. It was frustrating because had it been handled better she could have kept a good thing going with an in home nanny like 99% of the rest of moms in similar positions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a new employee introduce herself on an all hands meeting today. Her kid(s?) were SCREAMING so loud and you could see limbs flailing break her zoom background and then eventually she took a straight slap to the face and went off camera/muted herself mid sentence. Never gave an intro.

I had so much second hand embarrassment

Return to office, stat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes cheapness

Or actual lack of funds. Childcare is expensive. Some people actually do struggle to afford it.

Childcare is a major decision in choosing to have a child.

+1

Plenty of us have spent $$$ and continue to on child care.

Children cost money.

[Anonymous]

I know a family like this. They have 3 kids and the parents probably got used to the chaos during Covid. They don’t enroll their kids in activities claiming it is too difficult for their schedule. The mom wakes up at 4:30 and goes to work or clocks in super early. I don’t think the mom sleeps more than 5 hours per day. The kids aren’t exactly excelling but they are healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a new employee introduce herself on an all hands meeting today. Her kid(s?) were SCREAMING so loud and you could see limbs flailing break her zoom background and then eventually she took a straight slap to the face and went off camera/muted herself mid sentence. Never gave an intro.

I had so much second hand embarrassment

I would give her the benefit of the doubt that school/daycare is closed and it was also her first day and she didnt want to cancel or reschedule and the kids behaved badly. I would NOT assume that she has no childcare.

[Anonymous]

I have a coworker with a kid in first grade and since they started K-12, has attempted to go without before/after care and is just winging it with her husband. Most days, it seems to be ok, as she just shifts her hours to come in at 9:30 on our 2 in-person days/week. But sometimes we have some pretty important meetings with our volunteer board (we're a trade assn) and she just rolls in after they start, or takes half the meeting from her car, and I think that is just monumentally uncool. She seems to get away with it, so I guess good for her? My kids are grown and I always had coverage (and backup for my backups), but that was a different world before WFH was even a thing.

She also has to travel a fair amount for her job and I have no idea how her husband is handling his job with no backup coverage before or after. And I've met their kid. He's A LOT. Not one to quietly entertain himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Must be your social circle. $550k HHI (DH nd I both work FT) and not one person I know socially or at work tries this BS.

Snort. What a b1tch.

[Anonymous]

Some people do it fine. My SIL is an attorney but only bills 1000 hours. She does it because she's very particular of how she wants to run after school activities and homework and doesn't want to outsource it all to a nanny. If you're good at your job, people will work around your schedule. If you're bad at your job and don't ask for what you need and set clear expectations, then your colleagues will resent you.

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

I think it's very common and usually to save money, especially if the job is lower pay and the goal is to work from home to not need to pay for childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I had to deal with this as a manager and it was the pits. Unavailable for hours at a time during the workday and a screaming baby on every call. Employee was overly candid, "sorry if you hear grunting, I'm breastfeeding and he is a noisy eater" "oh, I have to drop, baby just puked!" Etc so there wasn't even a veneer of this working out well and I had to have many conversations with HR. Unfortunately there was no requirement to have childcare per se, but a lot on remote working expectations that could be enforced so went down that path with some significant resistance. In the case of this woman her justification was that she was "too cheap" to get childcare and I basically had to spell it out for her that that was a drop in the bucket compared to losing her 200k/year remote job that was now at risk if she couldn't get it together. So, at least some people are just clueless. Nobody was more pissed off by it than fellow moms of young kids, myself included.

Be careful with the breastfeeding. There is a legal right to breastfeeding breaks.

Oh, we know lol. Spent way too much time discussing the nitty gritty of how to handle delicately and legally. This specific case was a little unique in that mom had a 7 month maternity leave, 2 month ramp up at part time, and was given a lot of leeway for the first few months back so the baby in question was over a year old when the lack of childcare really became an issue.

You should have found a valid reason to fire this cretin.

Relocation and 5 day RTO or out. It was frustrating because had it been handled better she could have kept a good thing going with an in home nanny like 99% of the rest of moms in similar positions.

Most people cannot afford nanny's.

[Anonymous]

I work from home and on a flexible schedule. We had a FT nanny until youngest was in FT school. Now I pick him up and take him to activities. I still manage to get 7 hours alone plus 1-2 hours with kids at home. We live near the school and I think it would be a waste of money for me to pay someone for 1 hour… if I can even find someone willing to do that.

[Anonymous]

I knew several people who did this with preschool aged kids. I was irritated and frustrated because it was against company policy. But I’m not their supervisor… I recommended several camps and daycares. I think it was money. They didn’t want to spend it on daycare and camps.

[Anonymous]

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