WFH/working parents who refuse to use childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes cheapness

Or actual lack of funds. Childcare is expensive. Some people actually do struggle to afford it.

It might be but that isn't on an unrelated teenage girl to fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes cheapness

Or actual lack of funds. Childcare is expensive. Some people actually do struggle to afford it.

Certain posters here have no concept of life outside their “$550k” income bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My workplace is very clear that having childcare (or dependent eldercare) is a condition of teleworking.

"Oh okay, I've heard good things about X daycare". Whether you want to bail out your friend is your choice (you can say no and I would in that situation) but definitely don't have your daughter do it unless she 100% wants to and she's getting paid to babysit.

It’s definitely a “omg I can’t believe the baby is a live thing that needs me” type of situation, and she can’t believe it’s 2pm and she hasn’t gotten any work done and when teen is home from school can you or she come snuggle the baby so I can finish my work? I’m frazzled!” And no, no money. That’s what friendship is all about, right?

No, because that's your friend, not your daughter's friend. You can't offer up her time and labor like that. You want to do it for friendship, you be the ine to do it.

And we all know that it's a lot more than snuggling a baby.

It's obviously not OP's friend. OP clearly hates this woman.

I mean if OP wants to judge their friend and provide free labor, whatever. The part of this situation that's unacceptable is making a teenage girl provide free babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My workplace is very clear that having childcare (or dependent eldercare) is a condition of teleworking.

"Oh okay, I've heard good things about X daycare". Whether you want to bail out your friend is your choice (you can say no and I would in that situation) but definitely don't have your daughter do it unless she 100% wants to and she's getting paid to babysit.

It’s definitely a “omg I can’t believe the baby is a live thing that needs me” type of situation, and she can’t believe it’s 2pm and she hasn’t gotten any work done and when teen is home from school can you or she come snuggle the baby so I can finish my work? I’m frazzled!” And no, no money. That’s what friendship is all about, right?

No, because that's your friend, not your daughter's friend. You can't offer up her time and labor like that. You want to do it for friendship, you be the ine to do it.

And we all know that it's a lot more than snuggling a baby.

It's obviously not OP's friend. OP clearly hates this woman.

Here come the people who expect everyone else to solve their childcare woes. Don’t have kids you can’t afford to take care of.

[Anonymous]

I don't actually know anyone who does this either but I live in the DMV in a suburban neighborhood with most people having a HHI of $400k or so, so they can afford childcare.

I do see it on social media. I think it's a combo of not wanting to spend the money/not having the money, having unrealistic expectations of how much a baby needs, and having a job where it is kind of possible to do it. I feel badly for the women who do this. I got a hefty dose during COVID against my will WFH with a 1 and 3 year old and no childcare and my mental health was in the toilet.

[Anonymous]

I get it. When I was a new mom it was so scary to leave my baby at daycare. I just felt like I was a bad mom. But it turned out great. They were able to care for my kids all day in ways that I couldn't.

I have no issue with employees teleworking while their 7+ year olds are home sick. My kids don't bother me much, especially when they're sick and sleeping all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't actually know anyone who does this either but I live in the DMV in a suburban neighborhood with most people having a HHI of $400k or so, so they can afford childcare.

I do see it on social media. I think it's a combo of not wanting to spend the money/not having the money, having unrealistic expectations of how much a baby needs, and having a job where it is kind of possible to do it. I feel badly for the women who do this. I got a hefty dose during COVID against my will WFH with a 1 and 3 year old and no childcare and my mental health was in the toilet.

NP. I was also WFH with a 1 and 3 year old during covid! And dh was an essential worker. It was HELL. I felt like the worst mom on Earth. (Plus still had to pay for daycare!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't actually know anyone who does this either but I live in the DMV in a suburban neighborhood with most people having a HHI of $400k or so, so they can afford childcare.

I do see it on social media. I think it's a combo of not wanting to spend the money/not having the money, having unrealistic expectations of how much a baby needs, and having a job where it is kind of possible to do it. I feel badly for the women who do this. I got a hefty dose during COVID against my will WFH with a 1 and 3 year old and no childcare and my mental health was in the toilet.

NP. I was also WFH with a 1 and 3 year old during covid! And dh was an essential worker. It was HELL. I felt like the worst mom on Earth. (Plus still had to pay for daycare!)

I was there too, with a 2 and 4 year old. My weekly dept meeting is still scheduled for 1pm because nap time was the only time I could reliably be available.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP "hates" this woman and isn't friends with her because she disagrees with one decision. When you've had to spend six figures on day care and couldn't do things you see them doing as a result (travel, upgrading house), yeah, you might feel a bit ugly toward the idea that it's just optional. It feels like being penalized for playing by the rules, and then on top of that OP's being asked to provide free childcare to fill the gap. And she's venting here, not IRL, which is healthier.

That doesn't mean you hate them and can never talk to them again, though. Jeez. I'm glad apparently DCUM folks always agree with every decision their friends make and never feel any friction, just unwavering support at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't actually know anyone who does this either but I live in the DMV in a suburban neighborhood with most people having a HHI of $400k or so, so they can afford childcare.

I do see it on social media. I think it's a combo of not wanting to spend the money/not having the money, having unrealistic expectations of how much a baby needs, and having a job where it is kind of possible to do it. I feel badly for the women who do this. I got a hefty dose during COVID against my will WFH with a 1 and 3 year old and no childcare and my mental health was in the toilet.

NP. I was also WFH with a 1 and 3 year old during covid! And dh was an essential worker. It was HELL. I felt like the worst mom on Earth. (Plus still had to pay for daycare!)

My oldest was 1 when COVID hit and everything went out the window. Sesame Street and a strict nap schedule got me through it.

[Anonymous]

It's neglect. Kids raised by TV

[Anonymous]

I was forced to do this during COVID (with a virtual learning 1st grader and a preschooler whose school closed). We did eventually hire some part time in-home help once we realized the world wasn’t going to reopen anytime soon.

But it was so freaking stressful and I didn’t feel like a good employee or mom.

I get that childcare can be ungodly expensive, but most people factor that in when they decide whether/where/how many hours to work. Anyone voluntarily subjecting themselves to WAH with young kids and no childcare is an idiot and their kids are probably neglected eating snacks in front of their iPad all day. It’s one thing do do that for an occasional sick day, emergency meeting you need to call into, etc. but shouldn’t be the long term plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Must be your social circle. $550k HHI (DH nd I both work FT) and not one person I know socially or at work tries this BS.

You are rich. Child care is costly when your hhi is $150k or so.

Yup, so there are workarounds - find a job with alternative hours so you and spouse can switch off, someone stays home w the kids and other spouse leans in to make more money, find a village with other families in the same situation, take a job at the kids daycare or school so your schedule aligns w/ theirs, become a nanny. This is not a new problem & people have figured it out since the beginning of time.

Expecting to get paid your full salary while *refusing* to arrange consistent and reliable child care is not reasonable in 2026 and ruins the flexibility available to the rest of the workforce. Exceptions of course for a sick day or emergency, but if you are expecting to work full time with a bunch of little kids running around is stupid.

And OPs post is that whoever she is btching about has the means to set up child care. OP needs to turn off her phone and stop indulging this person.

[Anonymous]

So doing this is crazy, I agree. I've always had childcare for my kids.

I think it's partially unrealistic expectations. Plenty of people go into parenting with a lot of idealism about how babies are.

Part of it is that especially if your parental leave ends at 4-6 months AND you have a reasonably-unfussy baby AND you have a flexible work schedule (which is a lot of things to go right, but hardly shooting the moon - this would have been me with 2/3 of my kids) it can be feasible... in the short term. You can work during 2-3 naps, work a bit after bedtime, probably get in an hour while baby is awake and entertained with toys or food, and you can keep an eye on slack and be responsive basically all day. You can probably get in 5-6 hours of work a day, which is what plenty of people are doing anyway... for a few months. And you get in a groove, and you think you've got this awesome solution, and you save SO much money. But of course naps will shorten and baby will start crawling and then once that morning nap is gone, you're SOL. And then you feel stuck.

The answer for the OP, though, is just to say no to the free caregiving, and let her figure it out. Or - would you daughter want a part time job? Sounds like she could be doing 2-3 hours of childcare a few days a week after school and make $$.

I will also add that I do know a couple kinda did this until their kid when to school (never had daycare, both worked full time) but 1) they had only one kid and she was really chill 2) they BOTH worked from home and BOTH had flexible jobs 3) They both did two hours of work after bedtime every single night (for years!) which sounds terrible 4) their kid was still on two naps until almost 18 months, and 5) (and most importantly) once she dropped the morning nap, they took her to a drop-off DPR program that was 9-12 M-F. It was something like $2k a YEAR but one of them had to stay and help once a week I think. 6) This is DC, so once she turned 3, she went to PK3 and aftercare.

Honestly, their life sounded really stressful, but assuming daycare costs of $2,200 a month, they saved like $75k. That's a LOT of money.

[Anonymous]

I could only see this potentially working with a small (pre-crawling) baby. Otherwise: no way! And I say this as a mother of three with a hybrid job and a WFH spouse. Sick days/school closures are difficult enough. I CANNOT imagine never having childcare. That is nuts.