Anyone else feel like their idealistic parents didn't prepare them for adulthood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the dog is a big part of the problem and you're developing a victim mentality doubling down on prior bad choices.

This, unfortunately. I would also point out that your obsession with this difficult dog that no one likes sounds similar to the bad choices you have made with boyfriends and friends. This bad dog loves YOU (a bit like your professor showing such interest in you, making you feel special, only to find out he could be a man who seeks out females he can have affairs with) and this bad dog loving you and clearly no one else makes you feel special. These sorts of bad characters make you feel special. I say this as someone who had a similar mindset, and NO ONE treated me with true respect until I STOPPED needing it. I was needy without realizing it, and that puts a target on your back for people who will use your neediness. I literally had the epiphany, then started reading anything I could to help myself learn to be strong.

What I think is commendable is that you are now seeing that things need to change. You need to change. As many have already said, what you are going through is a phase of life. It's the perfect time to change, strengthen the trajectory of your life. I am a big dog person, but like you, I got a problematic dog toward the end of college. My roommates told me if I didn't get rid of the dog I had to leave. It is by living that you learn the hard lessons. Most people don't even believe the lessons apply until they learn them the hard way.

So grab this new phase and know that starting now you can make a great life. And once you start on a promising path you'll know that you did it on your own.

Good luck!

That's an insightful observation. I do think I have the tendency to enjoy being "singled out" by people (professors, roommates, friends, boyfriends) as someone "special," but in retrospect, it was inevitable that all of these relationships would turn out badly if they were so terrible to others around them.

Maybe my dog is part of that pattern, but I suspect not -- she's 50/50 on being friendly to people. She was friendly to both of my former roommates and my best friend (before I had falling outs with all of them), but isn't so friendly to some of my other friends and her former dog sitter.

I do really love my dog though. She's the 1 thing I have giving me meaning in life at this point.

[Anonymous]

The good thing is you have until you're 30 to figure your life out and stop blaming your parents. Ideally you'd do it sooner but some people never figure it out their whole lives so it's not too late for you

[Anonymous]

My parents were first gen immigrants. There were plenty of language, cultural, and economic obstacles. Early on I knew I’d have to cut my own path - and I did. I went to college, worked my a$$ off, got the right degree, got lucky with the right company with first job off campus and became financially independent in my 30s. I wish your “incompetent” parents were mine!

[Anonymous]

There is always OnlyFans

[Anonymous]

If the MFA is fully funded, including living expenses, then I would go ahead and do it if you want. It might just be postponing some of these same issues but it might also open new doors in an unexpected way.

[Anonymous]

Get your MFA. it's a great two years to figure it out. You will meet other people you and you won't want to do it when you're older. It's a better environment for younger people anyway. Most people on mine were 21-28.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your MFA. it's a great two years to figure it out. You will meet other people you and you won't want to do it when you're older. It's a better environment for younger people anyway. Most people on mine were 21-28.

OP here. Thank you for responding! I'm happy to hear from someone who has first-hand experience with an MFA. Did you feel like it was an extension of college/delaying adulthood until after grad school? Did you find that getting an MFA helped with job opportunities? Or not really?

[Anonymous]

My parents prepared me to marry someone and gave me no help with financial literacy (they didn’t know much themselves). They were also verbally and sometimes physically abusive. I am estranged from them. They told me I was dumb and I went to a state school.

Your situation sounds pretty nice actually.

[Anonymous]

I would’ve guessed that you’re a troll except that I have multiple family members who shared your experience. They’re now in mid life or beyond and, by and large, have messed up and unfulfilling lives. You’re young and have a college degree. It’s time to turn it around and develop a plan for yourself. It’s a huge mistake to pursue a dead end career path and life. You don’t want to be in your current situation when you’re 40. So don’t let it happen.

[Anonymous]

Get the mfa is it's really free. But spend that time figuring out actual career paths. The dog is going to make your life harder and limit your choices in housing and roommates. Think about that too.
Part time internship is good. Full time employment is better. Money isn't everything but it sure helps live a life.
For contrast, I hire 22 year olds with STEM degrees straight out of school at my company. Not Amazon or anything too fancy but we offer about $90k starting and there is a chance to grow pretty quick from that.

[Anonymous]

Apply for the funded MFA program. They are pretty competitive, if you get in then you can decide.

In the meantime, try working, meaning full time employment that can pay your bills. As you look for a full time job, pay attention and think about career possibilities.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I think it's interesting you blame your parents for being idealistic when you keep setting yourself up with sort of dreamy unrealistic plans now with the part time internship, fantasies about a loser professor... Maybe you need to start questioning YOUR decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your MFA. it's a great two years to figure it out. You will meet other people you and you won't want to do it when you're older. It's a better environment for younger people anyway. Most people on mine were 21-28.

OP here. Thank you for responding! I'm happy to hear from someone who has first-hand experience with an MFA. Did you feel like it was an extension of college/delaying adulthood until after grad school? Did you find that getting an MFA helped with job opportunities? Or not really?

I'm the one saying not to get it. I have one. It never helped with job opportunities. I could not get a job without a published book. Even then, you need a published book that has won awards or, better yet, more than one published book.

Look at the bios of professors. I see some with just three books despite teaching at a uni for 20 years. Meanwhile, the new hires ALREADY have three books.

If you are fine with earning close to no money for two years, go for the MFA. You can learn the same on your own, and the MFA is not needed for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem like a troll.

+1

I can't believe how much attention this troll post is getting.

[Anonymous]

My parents were poor immigrants when I was growing up - they made it clear that they had no generational wealth or useful ‘connections/network’ to give me and my sister. So we knew we had to study and get jobs that paid the bills. My husband’s mother had a trust fund, never had a real job, and told him and his siblings that they should just ‘do what you love’. Our kids will be required to get jobs that pay the bills. They can ‘do what they love’ as a hobby. If those 2 things coincide in their job they will have won the jackpot.