Anyone else feel like their idealistic parents didn't prepare them for adulthood?

[Anonymous]

go to business school and make writing a hobby/passion project.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel weird posting this, but I just discovered this forum last night. I'm about to graduate college next week (!!!), and I feel like my parents (a progressive social worker and an English professor at a community college) did not do a good job of preparing me for adulthood. Compared to my peers, I feel a lot more sheltered and just behind in life.

I guess I'm just reflecting on college in general now that I'm graduating in one week. On paper, it seems like college went really well for me -- I majored in English at a SLAC, am graduating with the top award in my department and super high GPA, have amazing relationships with my professors, and just finished up my year as the Editor-in-Chief of my school's newspaper. I'm starting a journalism internship next month in the same city where I currently live.

But finances, now that I'm starting to realize, are a constant stressor for me in a way that it isn't for my peers. I almost wish I chose a more lucrative major, even though I really do love English and writing in general. I resigned the lease on my house and can't find anyone who wants to live with me after graduation (because I live with a lovely but neurotic rescue dog I adopted last year). I cannot afford to pay for rent in my house by myself on a meager part-time journalism stipend, so I'm really stressed about finding roommates starting next month. I'm graduating with $40k in student loans, which thankfully, my mom agreed to pay off for me (but I still feel guilty about burdening her with this). I'm preparing to apply to MFA programs in Creative Writing next year, but I don't even know what you can do with an MFA -- academia is falling apart.

I made some really poor choices in friends and boyfriends in college, so my primary social group throughout college fell apart in the middle of my junior year, and now I feel like I don't really have a support system, which really sucks. The two friends who have lived with me in the past both screwed me over and didn't end up paying rent (in retrospect, this was 100% predictable, but I was too naive and sheltered to realize it), and my mom ended up covering their portion of the rent. My best friend throughout college was just outed last week as a lying sociopath (which was also predictable, but my head was buried too deep into the sand until it was too late).

I really don't have any tight support system except my rescue dog (who I adore more than anyone else in the world) and my professor/thesis advisor (who I'm also starting to be wary of because he hits on female students and cheated on his wife, another prof in the English department, with an alum). I just feel so lost, and I feel like my ultra-liberal, "do what makes you feel good" parents did not prepare me for either the financial or the emotional realities of adulthood.

Sigh. Anyone else in this situation?

You blame your parents for poor choices you made and are continuing to make?

Really?

[Anonymous]

The problem is your dog.

[Anonymous]

If you haven’t changed any details, you’ve shared quite a bit of identifying personal information, especially if your family is in the DMV.

Just something to consider going forward. Hopefully you changed some info.

I think you can ask Jeff (moderator) to take down the post if you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting you blame your parents for being idealistic when you keep setting yourself up with sort of dreamy unrealistic plans now with the part time internship, fantasies about a loser professor... Maybe you need to start questioning YOUR decisions.

Agreed. The dog is also a problem. Find something that “gives you life.”

[Anonymous]

No. OP you have a victim mindset. This mind set will get you nowhere.

Once you stop blaming your parents or others and start taking accountability for your actions, you will have a chance of success.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my late 40s and have two friends who loved writing but were realistic enough to know they couldn't make a living at it. One did an MFA at night. Makes a lot of money in finance. The other wrote several (self published) books in the evenings and weekends while working corporate jobs. Both seem satisfied with making comfortable incomes and being able to engage in creative pursuits. Neither one has kids though--I don't see how anyone could do what they're doing on top of raising a family.

[Anonymous]

You're hoping for a job in magazine publishing? Have you taken a look around or read anything about the industry lately?

Periodicals are folding left and right. Even academic publishing is having problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're hoping for a job in magazine publishing? Have you taken a look around or read anything about the industry lately?

Periodicals are folding left and right. Even academic publishing is having problems.

I was hoping for a journalism job, which to my understanding, is easier to get than a publishing job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting you blame your parents for being idealistic when you keep setting yourself up with sort of dreamy unrealistic plans now with the part time internship, fantasies about a loser professor... Maybe you need to start questioning YOUR decisions.

Agreed. The dog is also a problem. Find something that “gives you life.”

I know the dog limits my options in terms of roommates and housing, but she's the main thing I have giving me joy every day. I would rather live in a homeless shelter with my dog than give her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting you blame your parents for being idealistic when you keep setting yourself up with sort of dreamy unrealistic plans now with the part time internship, fantasies about a loser professor... Maybe you need to start questioning YOUR decisions.

Agreed. The dog is also a problem. Find something that “gives you life.”

I know the dog limits my options in terms of roommates and housing, but she's the main thing I have giving me joy every day. I would rather live in a homeless shelter with my dog than give her up.

Man that is pathetic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting you blame your parents for being idealistic when you keep setting yourself up with sort of dreamy unrealistic plans now with the part time internship, fantasies about a loser professor... Maybe you need to start questioning YOUR decisions.

Agreed. The dog is also a problem. Find something that “gives you life.”

I know the dog limits my options in terms of roommates and housing, but she's the main thing I have giving me joy every day. I would rather live in a homeless shelter with my dog than give her up.

Man that is pathetic

The bigger problem is that homeless shelters don't allow pets. If the dog is your priority, you need to make enough money to live on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's interesting you blame your parents for being idealistic when you keep setting yourself up with sort of dreamy unrealistic plans now with the part time internship, fantasies about a loser professor... Maybe you need to start questioning YOUR decisions.

Agreed. The dog is also a problem. Find something that “gives you life.”

I know the dog limits my options in terms of roommates and housing, but she's the main thing I have giving me joy every day. I would rather live in a homeless shelter with my dog than give her up.

Do you think your parents bailing you out with the rent and minimal loans has sheltered you from your financial reality? I think you need to change your perspective.

The immediate dilemma you face is self created. That is the dog. It’s an inescapable reality. I don’t know of any new graduates who can afford to live on their own regardless of what major they took. I understand the dog provides the unconditional love you you need at this vulnerable time but it is also creating a whole new source of stress, both emotional and financial. I suspect you are going to face the same constraints time and time again. If you find yourself having to move to take jobs, how is your neurotic dog going to respond to the changes?

[Anonymous]

Now is the perfect time for someone without a grad degree to look for a boarding school job: they will lower standards a bit as hiring is becoming a more crucial need this late in the spring. You will get room and board, and I did know many people who could bring a pet (or several) without issues even in the dorms. Fantastic way to save money, have stability, and time in the summer to focus on writing.

[Anonymous]

I finished law school with six figures in loan debt that I paid off early.

What was my secret? My lower middle class parents never encouraged me to “follow my dreams”, and they were frank about how much better our lives would be if we did not have to constantly worry about money.

When I had the opportunity to trade my life for a massive salary, I took it. Did my time, paid off my debt, got a few bucks in savings, and took a moderately boring but reasonably satisfying job that paid well for the lifestyle. Oh? And never stopped working my butt off.

Journalism is dying. Get yourself to B school or use that creative writing prowess to sell crap. Otherwise, accept you’ll be regular customers at the bank of mom and dad for life.