Why would my ex do this? Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

I'd ignore him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one knows what he means but him. Don’t ask him what he means. If he wanted to say something he would.

But still, open your heart and consider it as a gesture of goodwill as any gift from someone is. Don’t be too excited, rather remain coolly polite and continue to keep your distance. Let him keep showing you that he has changed and has become more thoughtful, loving, attentive so that you may be able to reconcile one day.

You're nuts. No.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a narc thing. Don’t twist yourself into knots trying to understand their behavior. It’s impossible and unproductive.

Someone like this one shipped me some presents. I gave them all to charity straight away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'm naive, but it could be that he feels bad for the way he treated you on some level and is trying to make amends, since you both will need to co-parent for many more years together. Can you just say thanks and not make a big deal of it either way?

OP. If he feels bad, he can man up and actually apologize to me.

We co-parent fine. I’m not rude or cold to him, I just avoid contact outside of kid stuff. I never talk bad about him in front of DD.

The guy cheated on you three times and never bought you a present for all the years you were together but THIS is what you're upset about?

NP. What’s the “this” you’re referring to? That she prefers a sincere apology over a pint of ice cream on her front porch? Yeah. I would too.

OP didn't say she wanted an apology, she said she wanted nothing from him outside of kid logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know you said your daughter is young but maybe he is trying to establish a habit for himself. One of my friends who is divorced believes strongly that it’s important to make a big deal of Mother’s Day and his ex-wife’s birthday because he wants to show his sons how the mother of your children deserves to be acknowledged. It’s not intended to stalk or manipulate in any way, just to model good behavior.

I don’t know OP’s ex so I can’t speak to his motivations, but there are definitely logical reasons that could exist.

OP. I actually do know couples that do this, and I think it’s great for the kids and shows a lot of maturity.

However, I have a hard time believing xH is doing it for those reasons. And even if he was, it feels like a slap in the face - he wants to show our DC how I should be treated after years of cheating (among other things, like not helping out at home or paying bills)? Like a couple presents can undo all of that?

I just don’t want anything to do with him. I’m ignoring his text for now and hoping he drops the issue.

Nothing can undo what he has done and you can’t have nothing to do with him because of DD.

Personally, I’d accept the gift and message it to your daughter that being a mom is hard and if people recognize you for doing a great job, you deserve any treats that come your way but don’t have any other obligations than to being a great mom to DD.

Ignoring the text is fine as an alternative but you aren’t going to get history to rewrite itself, so personally I’d do the best thing you can with the hand you’ve been dealt to model to your daughter how she deserves to be treated.

[Anonymous]

It's so sad. He is way too late. What a doofus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding your chronology.

He ignored mother's day for years while you ere married.

Last year, when your daughter must have been 1, you were already divorced.

Now, your daughter is at most 2, because 3 year olds are all about the presents and you say she's too young to benefit from being involved in gift giving.

Were you expecting him to celebrate mother's day before your only child was born?

I’m not Op but if she was pregnant, YES.

I would not celebrate mother's day before giving birth. Too much can go wrong. I'm with the Jews on eschewing this practice.

[Anonymous]

You guys are very nice to the jerk who wants to bring a shitty gift for Mother’s Day . I wouldn’t unswer to him about the 💩 gift and leave it outside the house where he left it for weeks so he could see that I don’t need trash at my house. Then one day ash him to pick it up and put it in the garage can . Who would want a f%* president from a stupid xH anyway. THAT MAN IS SICK . STALKER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding your chronology.

He ignored mother's day for years while you ere married.

Last year, when your daughter must have been 1, you were already divorced.

Now, your daughter is at most 2, because 3 year olds are all about the presents and you say she's too young to benefit from being involved in gift giving.

Were you expecting him to celebrate mother's day before your only child was born?

OP. DD is 5; I said she was too young to really understand what it is, not that she’s too young to benefit from gift giving. Of course it’s fun for her to pick out gifts for someone else, but it’s not like an older kid where they can understand the holiday and ask dad “why don’t we get mom something?”.

I also seriously doubt he’s doing it for DD’s benefit, as he seems to find parenting overwhelming and isn’t into going above and beyond.

Your first thought here needs to be your five year old even if his isn’t. 5 year olds absolutely understand that this is a day we give moms gifts, and this is a gift from her and dad that people are proposing leaving outside.

Put your kid first, and ask what would be good for her to see. Then suggest that.

[Anonymous]

wow you're a very unhappy and ungrateful person.

[Anonymous]

He wants to get all up in them guts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people do this. I have an ex like that (no kids) who drops off gifts that are unwelcome. He doesn’t mail them, he likes the power of stalking and sits outside the house for a while.

Ugh, that's insane. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people do this. I have an ex like that (no kids) who drops off gifts that are unwelcome. He doesn’t mail them, he likes the power of stalking and sits outside the house for a while.

Ugh, that's insane. I'm sorry.

It is. He will text me “gift on your front porch” and he will sit outside the house waiting for hours. I ignore it but feel trapped. Sometimes he drives a few houses away then waits for me to leave, then follows me.

[Anonymous]

There was a 2 for 1 deal on mother's day gifts, so he got one for his current gf, and one for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one knows what he means but him. Don’t ask him what he means. If he wanted to say something he would.

But still, open your heart and consider it as a gesture of goodwill as any gift from someone is. Don’t be too excited, rather remain coolly polite and continue to keep your distance. Let him keep showing you that he has changed and has become more thoughtful, loving, attentive so that you may be able to reconcile one day.

BARF. Someone who cheated three times on his wife is NOT reconciliation material.

God could say the same thing about us and yet He’s always there waiting to reconcile us to Himself if we choose it. Reconciliation is always possible. Maybe not now, but one day.

Oh the religious nut job lady is back. You haven't told anyone not to have extramarital sex today so you're feeling left out?

This is so accurate.