Why would my ex do this? Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's control, image management, and wanting to center himself on a holiday that is not about him. Ignore him best you can. PP is right that men like this come in one flavor.

+1 it is about control control control

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one knows what he means but him. Don’t ask him what he means. If he wanted to say something he would.

But still, open your heart and consider it as a gesture of goodwill as any gift from someone is. Don’t be too excited, rather remain coolly polite and continue to keep your distance. Let him keep showing you that he has changed and has become more thoughtful, loving, attentive so that you may be able to reconcile one day.

BARF. Someone who cheated three times on his wife is NOT reconciliation material.

God could say the same thing about us and yet He’s always there waiting to reconcile us to Himself if we choose it. Reconciliation is always possible. Maybe not now, but one day.

You can leave the thread now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one knows what he means but him. Don’t ask him what he means. If he wanted to say something he would.

But still, open your heart and consider it as a gesture of goodwill as any gift from someone is. Don’t be too excited, rather remain coolly polite and continue to keep your distance. Let him keep showing you that he has changed and has become more thoughtful, loving, attentive so that you may be able to reconcile one day.

BARF. Someone who cheated three times on his wife is NOT reconciliation material.

God could say the same thing about us and yet He’s always there waiting to reconcile us to Himself if we choose it. Reconciliation is always possible. Maybe not now, but one day.

That's a lovely sentiment, but OP isn't God, she's a human being who was grossly mistreated by a man, and now has the power to protect the body and soul God gave her by staying far away from the manipulative, evil being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say no. You are divorced and under no obligation to entertain nonsense like this.

+100
Stop entertaining that man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one knows what he means but him. Don’t ask him what he means. If he wanted to say something he would.

But still, open your heart and consider it as a gesture of goodwill as any gift from someone is. Don’t be too excited, rather remain coolly polite and continue to keep your distance. Let him keep showing you that he has changed and has become more thoughtful, loving, attentive so that you may be able to reconcile one day.

BARF. Someone who cheated three times on his wife is NOT reconciliation material.

God could say the same thing about us and yet He’s always there waiting to reconcile us to Himself if we choose it. Reconciliation is always possible. Maybe not now, but one day.

That's a lovely sentiment, but OP isn't God, she's a human being who was grossly mistreated by a man, and now has the power to protect the body and soul God gave her by staying far away from the manipulative, evil being.

Exactly! And, just as God is present in the world...so is the devil. SF- husband is on the devil's team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My xH and I divorced a little over a year ago. While we were married, he did nothing for Mother’s Day, ever. He knew I wanted some sort of acknowledgment but refused to do anything. We divorced after I discovered he was cheating on me for the third time.

Today he texted asking if he can swing by on Sunday to drop off Mother’s Day gifts for me. I do not want Mother’s Day gifts from him. I do not want much of anything to do with him outside of kid logistics.

WHY on earth would he get me gifts? Our DD is too young to even understand what Mother’s Day is, so it’s not like he’s doing it for her. And I certainly won’t be getting him Father’s Day gifts.

He did the same thing this past Christmas. Has never gotten me a Christmas gift, but randomly showed up with a giant bag of my favorite candy and remarked “I know you’re trying to get in shape, but I wanted to get you this for Christmas”.

I’m seriously thinking of telling him I don’t want the gifts.

He is a jerk. Serve him the divorce papers. You deserve a better husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My xH and I divorced a little over a year ago. While we were married, he did nothing for Mother’s Day, ever. He knew I wanted some sort of acknowledgment but refused to do anything. We divorced after I discovered he was cheating on me for the third time.

Today he texted asking if he can swing by on Sunday to drop off Mother’s Day gifts for me. I do not want Mother’s Day gifts from him. I do not want much of anything to do with him outside of kid logistics.

WHY on earth would he get me gifts? Our DD is too young to even understand what Mother’s Day is, so it’s not like he’s doing it for her. And I certainly won’t be getting him Father’s Day gifts.

He did the same thing this past Christmas. Has never gotten me a Christmas gift, but randomly showed up with a giant bag of my favorite candy and remarked “I know you’re trying to get in shape, but I wanted to get you this for Christmas”.

I’m seriously thinking of telling him I don’t want the gifts.

He is a jerk. Serve him the divorce papers. You deserve a better husband.

Oh, you already did. That’s good.
Now, you should fight for full custody. Such a horrible person shouldn’t have access to your child.
Tell him to stop harassing you. File for a restraining order if he doesn’t stop.

[Anonymous]

PPs are spot on.

"Thanks, I'll be out but leave it in the garage" or similar speaks volumes. Repeat that if that gifts could be useful or no response if not (explanation = too busy with taking care of kid, sent weeks later) both appropriate, just do not give any stimuli that could serve as positive reinforcement. OP, good luck. I have XBF who are narcissists that thank god are not fathers but DH also has his limitations mainly due to other issues. You can make this work. Kids come first and men are dull in an age where LLMs can conjure up any kind of kindness fantasy. At least that is what I see.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'm naive, but it could be that he feels bad for the way he treated you on some level and is trying to make amends, since you both will need to co-parent for many more years together. Can you just say thanks and not make a big deal of it either way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine did that too. Divorced 18 because of his cheating. Didn't get me anything the last 3 years of marriage for bday, vday, anniversary, xmas.

On my bday a few months ago he left my favorite ice cream and a framed picture of me and my best friend on my porch and texted me to not let the treat melt???

He's also been sending back my portion of the kids activity money that we agreed to split. I sent him $750 last week and he sent it back with a note "I can cover it, hope that's helpful to you"

Well that’s at least meaningful. Can go into the kids Ira or college funds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one knows what he means but him. Don’t ask him what he means. If he wanted to say something he would.

But still, open your heart and consider it as a gesture of goodwill as any gift from someone is. Don’t be too excited, rather remain coolly polite and continue to keep your distance. Let him keep showing you that he has changed and has become more thoughtful, loving, attentive so that you may be able to reconcile one day.

No

[Anonymous]

I'm not understanding your chronology.

He ignored mother's day for years while you ere married.

Last year, when your daughter must have been 1, you were already divorced.

Now, your daughter is at most 2, because 3 year olds are all about the presents and you say she's too young to benefit from being involved in gift giving.

Were you expecting him to celebrate mother's day before your only child was born?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he could possibly regret cheating on you & may now realize that he lost a true gem 💎 in his life and now want you back??

If this is the case, I hope you do not give him a fourth chance!!

Or maybe he possibly is trying to get on your “good” side for some agenda benefitting him.
I.e., less alimony/child support owed to you, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding your chronology.

He ignored mother's day for years while you ere married.

Last year, when your daughter must have been 1, you were already divorced.

Now, your daughter is at most 2, because 3 year olds are all about the presents and you say she's too young to benefit from being involved in gift giving.

Were you expecting him to celebrate mother's day before your only child was born?

I’m not Op but if she was pregnant, YES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he could possibly regret cheating on you & may now realize that he lost a true gem 💎 in his life and now want you back??

If this is the case, I hope you do not give him a fourth chance!!

Or maybe he possibly is trying to get on your “good” side for some agenda benefitting him.
I.e., less alimony/child support owed to you, etc.

Do not fall for this for some stinking flowers and a card.