Just got pre-teen a Smartwatch, it's not going well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about calling a meeting with him, you, and your husband, and just asking him in a heartfelt way to please be honest with you both about his watch-activities?

The kid’s brain isn’t fully developed, this is so stupid. And if he has ADHD (like me and my daughter) impulse control is so very much harder. The guardrails for kids need to be EXTERNAL, not internal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your feedback, you've given me a lot to think about. I don't have any mom friends who have older kids/same age kids so it's helpful to get feedback about this issue.

The reason I wrote up a contract for the watch and why I'm concerned is that my son has no ability to self-regulate his screen time. We had to put the limit of 2 hours of screen time per day, otherwise he would spend all his free time on screens. We started introducing the idea of self-regulating screen time early on. But he has never been able to do it. If I tell him okay, you have screen time from 6-8 pm tonight, and then I get busy with laundry or something in the house and forget to check up on him until 9, he will still be on screens. When asked why he didn't self-regulate as I asked him to, and he knows he's supposed to do, he will say "I forgot." So I didn't want the watch/texting time to monopolize all his free time, the way screens tend to do.

While he in in multiple sports, and he reads for an hour before bed, he doesn't have any other at-home hobbies or interests. He is not able to entertain himself very well at home, and there are no kids his age in the neighborhood to hang out with. He gets no homework in school (maybe once a month) so after school when he's not in an activity, he has a hard time finding meaningful things to fill his time. If I didn't create a contract he would be texting during all his free time, and I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want him taking the watch to school because I know it will turn into a huge distraction and distract him from his studies. Last year he had some Cs on his report card, and it was because his best friend had a smart watch and was showing him texts and things during class, and it distracted him, causing him to get lower grades.

This is heartbreaking.

My daughter is a straight A student in a math magnet and also plays 3 sports and the violin. She has no problem managing her time and regulating herself. Yet, if I told her to only use her tablet from 6-8pm and didn’t follow up, yeah she’d probably be on it at 9pm. This is a very safe and minor way to push boundaries at the middle school age level. This is not a gateway behavior to becoming a homeless meth addict (which is how you’re acting.)

I would not take away my child’s ability to communicate with friends unless the friends were actually problematic. As it stands, my daughter’s friends study together and support each other (obviously they talk about other stuff too, but friends who are also interested in school help her stay motivated.) I know for a fact that her swim team friends are integral to helping her stay competitive and focused.

You are weaponizing communication.

I can say without a doubt that having a support system helps my daughter succeed. You are weaponizing basic communication and blocking your child from creating his own support system.

That is incredibly sad.

Sounds like he's doing more than talking to friends (which isn't very productive at 12). He's texting girls.. I wouldn't want my 12yo DD texting boys. She doesn't have any device and won't have one for a while and is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

He sounds pretty well-rounded to me? Decent grades, sports, reads books. So what if he plays video games or watches TV? Honestly better watching shows/movies than scrolling short videos on YouTube and TikTok all day. Why do you want to treat him like a troublesome 6 year old? If he was getting in trouble with texting/social media (bullying, sexting, trying to buy or sell drugs) that would be one thing. But you haven’t indicated that’s an issue. Did someone tell you “you have to be extremely controlling of your kid’s time” and you took it to heart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's too young for it. He doesn't need it and can't use it responsibly. Take it away.

And OP still hasn't answered, why can't he talk to a girl? What did he say to the girl?

I wouldn't want my high schooler texting a girl.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a great kid.

But he broke the contract and lied, so take the watch away for a week. This needs to happen tonight. It will be rough because he won’t be able to text his friends while there’s snow, but that’s the consequence for lying about screens.

After that, come together and negotiate a more reasonable contract. For example, watch time isn’t screen time, but watch must be charging in your bedroom from 8pm until after school the next day. Conversations are not private. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's too young for it. He doesn't need it and can't use it responsibly. Take it away.

And OP still hasn't answered, why can't he talk to a girl? What did he say to the girl?

I wouldn't want my high schooler texting a girl.

lol what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's too young for it. He doesn't need it and can't use it responsibly. Take it away.

And OP still hasn't answered, why can't he talk to a girl? What did he say to the girl?

I wouldn't want my high schooler texting a girl.

Do your kids not have friends? That’s weird behavior. Are you non-American?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's too young for it. He doesn't need it and can't use it responsibly. Take it away.

And OP still hasn't answered, why can't he talk to a girl? What did he say to the girl?

I wouldn't want my high schooler texting a girl.

Do your kids not have friends? That’s weird behavior. Are you non-American?

I have girls in the middle & elementary. I think romantic relationships aren't appropriate for teens.

[Anonymous]

I also adding that as a parent it’s your responsibility to put parental controls on your son’s Watch. It’s stupid easy to do including managing the amount of time and apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's too young for it. He doesn't need it and can't use it responsibly. Take it away.

And OP still hasn't answered, why can't he talk to a girl? What did he say to the girl?

I wouldn't want my high schooler texting a girl.

lol what

Texting a girl = having sex in their minds

[Anonymous]

OP: If you are worried about what he is texting then discuss that with him. Explain what your concerns are and why it could be a problem. Kids don't know the rules, they might have heard them but they are impulsive and they don't get why the rules are there. You can do some research and dig up the news stories about kids who got in trouble over what they texted because they either forget the rules, or don't really understand the rules, or have no clue why the rules exist and so they ignore the rules. Some real life examples of kids being suspended because what they were texting was inappropriate or kids getting in trouble for sending in appropriate pictures can help them see the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's too young for it. He doesn't need it and can't use it responsibly. Take it away.

And OP still hasn't answered, why can't he talk to a girl? What did he say to the girl?

I wouldn't want my high schooler texting a girl.

Do your kids not have friends? That’s weird behavior. Are you non-American?

I have girls in the middle & elementary. I think romantic relationships aren't appropriate for teens.

You might think that but they do happen and telling your kid that you don't think they are appropriate is not likely to have the impact you think it is going to. Best be prepared to have conversations about what you think is appropriate and why. Also discuss the consequences of romantic, and by that I am assuming you mean sex, relationships so your child is hearing about the possibility of disease and pregnancy if they do have sex in HS. I don't think it is common in MS, although I know that some kids talk about it and a few kids have sex in MS. But by HS you are likely to find that it is far more frequent. Good communication at an early age with reasonable conversation is one way to decrease the likelihood but it doesn't prevent it. And good communication is not "No sex in HS" it is a discussion of natural feelings and the consequences of not being safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your feedback, you've given me a lot to think about. I don't have any mom friends who have older kids/same age kids so it's helpful to get feedback about this issue.

The reason I wrote up a contract for the watch and why I'm concerned is that my son has no ability to self-regulate his screen time. We had to put the limit of 2 hours of screen time per day, otherwise he would spend all his free time on screens. We started introducing the idea of self-regulating screen time early on. But he has never been able to do it. If I tell him okay, you have screen time from 6-8 pm tonight, and then I get busy with laundry or something in the house and forget to check up on him until 9, he will still be on screens. When asked why he didn't self-regulate as I asked him to, and he knows he's supposed to do, he will say "I forgot." So I didn't want the watch/texting time to monopolize all his free time, the way screens tend to do.

While he in in multiple sports, and he reads for an hour before bed, he doesn't have any other at-home hobbies or interests. He is not able to entertain himself very well at home, and there are no kids his age in the neighborhood to hang out with. He gets no homework in school (maybe once a month) so after school when he's not in an activity, he has a hard time finding meaningful things to fill his time. If I didn't create a contract he would be texting during all his free time, and I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want him taking the watch to school because I know it will turn into a huge distraction and distract him from his studies. Last year he had some Cs on his report card, and it was because his best friend had a smart watch and was showing him texts and things during class, and it distracted him, causing him to get lower grades.

I bolded these 2 things. Think about them from the perspective of a social 12yo boy. What is wrong with communicating with friends if, as you said, he doesn't have neighborhood kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's too young for it. He doesn't need it and can't use it responsibly. Take it away.

And OP still hasn't answered, why can't he talk to a girl? What did he say to the girl?

When I was in middle school, a boy called me every week to ask what the math homework was. He didn’t even like me, he was just bad at writing it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your feedback, you've given me a lot to think about. I don't have any mom friends who have older kids/same age kids so it's helpful to get feedback about this issue.

The reason I wrote up a contract for the watch and why I'm concerned is that my son has no ability to self-regulate his screen time. We had to put the limit of 2 hours of screen time per day, otherwise he would spend all his free time on screens. We started introducing the idea of self-regulating screen time early on. But he has never been able to do it. If I tell him okay, you have screen time from 6-8 pm tonight, and then I get busy with laundry or something in the house and forget to check up on him until 9, he will still be on screens. When asked why he didn't self-regulate as I asked him to, and he knows he's supposed to do, he will say "I forgot." So I didn't want the watch/texting time to monopolize all his free time, the way screens tend to do.

While he in in multiple sports, and he reads for an hour before bed, he doesn't have any other at-home hobbies or interests. He is not able to entertain himself very well at home, and there are no kids his age in the neighborhood to hang out with. He gets no homework in school (maybe once a month) so after school when he's not in an activity, he has a hard time finding meaningful things to fill his time. If I didn't create a contract he would be texting during all his free time, and I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want him taking the watch to school because I know it will turn into a huge distraction and distract him from his studies. Last year he had some Cs on his report card, and it was because his best friend had a smart watch and was showing him texts and things during class, and it distracted him, causing him to get lower grades.

I bolded these 2 things. Think about them from the perspective of a social 12yo boy. What is wrong with communicating with friends if, as you said, he doesn't have neighborhood kids?

Exactly. The weirdos who don't let their middle schoolers text their friends from ANY device tend to predominate these threads on DCUM, but they are a minority IRL. This thread is filled with normal people who get that 12 year olds should be able to communicate with their friends.