Do you think being a daddy’s girl helps or hurts a woman in relationships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can speak to this from the Husbands side of things. My wife has a very close relationship with her father/my FIL. I'll say this off the bat, my FIL is a great man. He's welcomed me into the family from day 1, and is a fantastic grandfather to our children. However, I feel like my FIL has set the bar so high with regards to parenting (espicially parenting a girl) that I'll never be able to come close to him. For example, FIL has avery big, outgoing personality, which endears him to a lot of people. I’ve always been more introverted, but I show affection in my own ways. He was/is the quintessential “girl dad”; he would dress up and play dolls with them, etc. I’m not quite as comfortable doing all of the “girl” stuff, but I’ve gotten considerably better at stepping outside my comfort zone since our daughter was born. While I know that my wife thinks I'm a good dad and husband, it always feels like to me, FIL is the perfect example of what a husband and father should be, and if I'm not exactly like him, then she'll be disappointed.

Hmmm probably married wrong

[Anonymous]

Both my adult daughters adore their Dad and I’m sure he was a good role model for what to look for in a husband. Their husbands are great young men. He didn’t spoil the girls but taught them to be strong and independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since people are just inventing their own definitions of "daddy's girl" that mean totally different things, I'll answer without using the phrase.

I think it's important to teach all kids, including girls, that they are loved and they have intrinsic value as people. Beyond housing/feeding/clothing kids, I think this is one of the most important things you can do for a child, is make sure they know they are loved so that they develop a sense of self worth. And I think that self worth is probably the biggest guard against bad relationships of any kind, because it will help a person recognize when they are being treated poorly and also empower them to believe they can speak up or leave.

However, I think giving kids a sense that they are better and more important than other people, that they are special and deserving of special, deferential treatment, is really damaging. For them, and for everyone who will deal with them in the future (roommates, teachers, romantic partners, friends, colleagues, kids). Because (1) it's a lie, they are't actually special or better than other people, and (2) this is the seed of a dysfunctional or abusive relationship where this person feels they must be served by others but that they have no obligation to reciprocate. People like this make bad friends, bad partners, and (importantly!) bad parents. They lack perspective and self awareness and can easily become narcissists or worse. Even if someone like this succeeds in finding a spouse who will give them what they believe they "deserve", that relationship will be dysfunctional and potentially even abusive for their partner.

So regardless what you call it, I think the key is to love your kids and make sure they know you think they matter, but don't aggrandize your kids and lead them to believe they matter more than anyone else, in the grand scheme of things. They should have self respect but also have the capacity to recognize that everyone else deserves self respect as well.

+1

Really good post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH adores our daughter. She is truly loved by her dad (and mom). I sometimes worry that her standards will be too high and her expectations won’t be met.

That’s nice but irrelevant. How he cares for and treats his wife is for her future husband expectations.

Plus you don’t provide examples.
Loves her so much and showers her with kisses and pats her head? Or spends hours a week in her free throws? Or challenges her to take tough classes or new activities? Or goes to fix the shed and teaches her to too? Or buys her whatever she wants, on demand?

Nothing wrong with having high expectations, across the board. For yourself, your friends, your significant other.

Op never came back with examples

[Anonymous]

Whether or not the daughter is adored, her father sets the template for her expectations in her own choice of a mate. It's not a conscious choice, it's simply what she was conditioned to expect by her upbringing.

So fathers! Be a good role model and understand that you are the template for her expectations.

[Anonymous]

I guess the I’m a daddy’s girl. He didn’t spoil me or anything he was just always there for me. Even now, ever since I graduated from college 19 years ago we have a “date night” every month or two. It helps us stay connected in a way that a phone call can never do. My husband and kids like because it means pizza night.

[Anonymous]

You're worried your daughter WON'T SETTLE for a man? What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH adores our daughter. She is truly loved by her dad (and mom). I sometimes worry that her standards will be too high and her expectations won’t be met.

I find that women who have been exposed to good men and really love men in general are great partners.

My wife is one of them and I know of a few others that come to mind. One of them was an athlete that went to a prestigious school on an athletic scholarship. Her brother is a pro hockey player. She just seems to love and respect men, which I’m guessing is because she’s had so many positive influences (dad who did everything with her, coaches, brother who she’s best friends with, brothers friends, etc). Meanwhile, because she’s super fit from a lifetime of sports and attractive women tend to be mean to her. She’s married to a guy who was a college football player, they have kids and a wonderful relationship. I suspect her view of men helps that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether or not the daughter is adored, her father sets the template for her expectations in her own choice of a mate. It's not a conscious choice, it's simply what she was conditioned to expect by her upbringing.

So fathers! Be a good role model and understand that you are the template for her expectations.

Whatever is easy and convenient to do, that’s what he’ll do, parenting wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH adores our daughter. She is truly loved by her dad (and mom). I sometimes worry that her standards will be too high and her expectations won’t be met.

I find that women who have been exposed to good men and really love men in general are great partners.

My wife is one of them and I know of a few others that come to mind. One of them was an athlete that went to a prestigious school on an athletic scholarship. Her brother is a pro hockey player. She just seems to love and respect men, which I’m guessing is because she’s had so many positive influences (dad who did everything with her, coaches, brother who she’s best friends with, brothers friends, etc). Meanwhile, because she’s super fit from a lifetime of sports and attractive women tend to be mean to her. She’s married to a guy who was a college football player, they have kids and a wonderful relationship. I suspect her view of men helps that.

I suspect in her circles she only circumvents smart high achievers.
Her view on the men in her family doesn’t drive the relationship.
If anything she should be wary of males who SEEM like her siblings or father, but end up masking mental disorders or narcissism or emotional abuse behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Helps big time - IME. Usually, they are encouraged to aim big in career and education. They are able to escape the limits that patriarchy puts on them. Also, they don't take shit from any man because they are not seeking validation/love. Their self-confidence in sky high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Helps big time - IME. Usually, they are encouraged to aim big in career and education. They are able to escape the limits that patriarchy puts on them. Also, they don't take shit from any man because they are not seeking validation/love. Their self-confidence in sky high.

Only child- daughter here… What you’ve shared is very accurate.

[Anonymous]

You're worried your daughter WON'T SETTLE for a man? What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you? No person is perfect, and everyone in a relationship settled for someone less than perfect to some degree. I did so, and so did my wife.

Are you perfect? No. Is your husband? No. The best advice is to understand what is important to you (what you need in a mate), what you should never put up with (such as abuse), and what is important to your partner, and then work within those three areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH adores our daughter. She is truly loved by her dad (and mom). I sometimes worry that her standards will be too high and her expectations won’t be met.

Why should she settle for less?