Private consultants reality check

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on your kid, I’m a fan of hiring someone to help with essays, application deadlines, and discussion of options. But I cannot imagine the level of pressure put on the kids the OP describes. Putting kids through years of planning, strategizing, tailoring, etc may pay off for some, but my heart breaks for kids who inevitably feel like failures because they don’t get into a T10, or whatever school they have been aiming for for years.

One of my kid’s friends spent a LOT of time doing test prep, etc. He missed a lot of social opportunities in high school because his parents were hell bent for him to get T10(and he was mostly on board). He ended up at a T30, but says in retrospect that he probably would have gotten in anyway. Just having the kids know that they are being socially engineered in this way seems like setting a majority of them up for regret.

This.

I tried to be a balanced parent (K-12). I got my kids some math tutoring when they had skill deficits but I live in flyover country so the tutoring only started in middle school when deficits appeared. Few people here pay for private accelerated study.

I had my kids take a look at the very highly-rated IB magnet high school that we have access to. And they both wanted to stay at our in-bounds school. So I gave up on that IB option. But I'd been aware of the option since I bought my house.

I looked over the high school club list and asked my kids to try things they would probably like in 9th grade. For each kid, one EC really took off and they both continued their middle school instruments. Eventually they started making their own EC decisions.

I didn't insist on P/SAT prep or retakes although myself I retook the SAT several times due to my own goals. I think the kids suboptimized here. But couldn't really force them to study. They were short of time anyway.

As a liberal arts grad with strong writing skills, and having competed my way into a top grad school, I was pretty comfortable assisting with the crafting of a narrative. I have read DCUM and other internet sources and made mental notes on relevant tips.

My older is now at his preferred Top 20-30 school and was waitlisted at his grandparents' Ivy. He didn't pursue the waitlist since it wasn't his top choice and he had an EA acceptance from his top choice. He's happy with his school and his very smart and accomplished friends. Most of whom are OOS amazing high-stats kids who didn't get into Ivies.

My younger DS is a junior and he is interested in a small local university. He has been somewhat impatient with my light-handed strategizing about how to keep his options open re: "better" schools. But he's taken enough of my advice that I'm sure he has some options. We are going to this local university's open house program soon to check it out firsthand. If it underwhelms, I will make my best case. But it's not my life to live.

I think it's terrible to put kids on a treadmill early. I would only do a college consultant if I was rich, my kid was a malleable agreeable type, and I wanted to avoid the relationship and time burden of being involved in the process. I've seen many examples of people becoming highly-successful with degrees from a huge range of schools. It's just not necessary to make yourself and your kid miserable for years. Middle school is definitely too early to be tracked. Even freshman year only requires beginning to participate in a few ECs that only become available at the high school level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't see any difference in outcome between the two groups in the end.

Savvy parents who understand "narrative" can help their kids. I did it in reverse. Let them live their lives, and organize it into a "story" summer before senior year. Two at T10 school

Same here, two at T10s, no consultant. Didn't even craft a story, but just had them list their activities in order of importance. I reviewed their essays, but be aware that it's very hard not to offer suggestions that accidentally change their "voice." They are bright, thoughtful, introverted kids. They had high grades, rigor, and scores.

Ultimately, there is something to decisions being largely decided by algorithm. There is only so much that can be done to the app itself. Consultants cannot spin straw into gold.

I have other kids who did not make it into top schools and did have a consultant help them brainstorm their essays. They did not have the grades and their essays were not great either. There is only so much a consultant can do.

If you have time and a kid willing to talk to you, you can do this yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the private consultant for my kids and did a better job than the college private consultant.

That's the power of an educated and savvy parent.

Usually SAMH can afford this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close friend who tends to be more savvy about these things told me over a holiday get-together she knows some families in our school who hire private consultants who plan the kids’ whole life since 7th grade: help them apply to or even write essays for summer programs, plan sports (plan competition schedule and travel if it’s an individual sport without team schedule, summer skill camps at Ivies), school club leadership (how to recruit members, plan highly visible activities, manage their Instagram to document large gatherings, accomplishments), all the way down to drafting weekly emails for the kid to send to coaches, professors and college tour guides, band leaders they met on tours or summer programs over 4 years to establish relationships in a strategic and unannoying way. These are all before helping them ace the SAT and write their application essays.

Another friend told me last year (she had older kids and know many parents who have been through the process in the past decade) private consultants are useless, that the ones she knew who use them are getting into T25-50 colleges after spending tens of thousands, but not the most selective ones, because the top ones see through the consultants’ finger prints all over an app.

So which is true? I know as with a lot of cases, the answer is “it depends”, perhaps a great consultant could do those things. We have zero plan to use one (we don’t even have a tutor!) but I’m so disheartened that DC who works so hard to get top grades, work so hard on weekends at his part time job is competing under these circumstances. If that’s true, I want to take my kids out of the game and just apply to Canada, which is where DH is from, where you shouldn’t have to play these games to get in.

Anyone BTDT has real insights?

I would love to hire a consultant like this for my DCs but can't get a recommendation because no one wants to share the name of their consultant (presumably because they want the edge/advantage).

[Anonymous]

I always read these topics with interest because I am very type A, competitive person. But that said, my own kids were not high flyers, and I could’ve paid all the money in the world and a college consultant would not have helped. My kids weren’t high performers due to LDs and did the best they could. We spent plenty of money on tutors – money that was very well spent over the years.

When it came time to apply to colleges, I used my own savviness and editing skills to help them to craft a perfectly fine application given their grades/SATs. But if your kids don’t have the IQ, grades or the SAT, none of the “narrative” matters. It would’ve been a complete waste of money for us. My kids ended up at perfectly fine schools that sometimes appear on these boards. But none of my DC was going to sniff a top 50 school no matter if they had started working with a consultant in 7th grade.

I agree with others who said you have to be starting with a really top student and then maybe a pricey consultant can absolutely help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend who tends to be more savvy about these things told me over a holiday get-together she knows some families in our school who hire private consultants who plan the kids’ whole life since 7th grade: help them apply to or even write essays for summer programs, plan sports (plan competition schedule and travel if it’s an individual sport without team schedule, summer skill camps at Ivies), school club leadership (how to recruit members, plan highly visible activities, manage their Instagram to document large gatherings, accomplishments), all the way down to drafting weekly emails for the kid to send to coaches, professors and college tour guides, band leaders they met on tours or summer programs over 4 years to establish relationships in a strategic and unannoying way. These are all before helping them ace the SAT and write their application essays.

Another friend told me last year (she had older kids and know many parents who have been through the process in the past decade) private consultants are useless, that the ones she knew who use them are getting into T25-50 colleges after spending tens of thousands, but not the most selective ones, because the top ones see through the consultants’ finger prints all over an app.

So which is true? I know as with a lot of cases, the answer is “it depends”, perhaps a great consultant could do those things. We have zero plan to use one (we don’t even have a tutor!) but I’m so disheartened that DC who works so hard to get top grades, work so hard on weekends at his part time job is competing under these circumstances. If that’s true, I want to take my kids out of the game and just apply to Canada, which is where DH is from, where you shouldn’t have to play these games to get in.

Anyone BTDT has real insights?

I would love to hire a consultant like this for my DCs but can't get a recommendation because no one wants to share the name of their consultant (presumably because they want the edge/advantage).

I did all of consultant 1’s job for 1 of my kids.
It’s not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend who tends to be more savvy about these things told me over a holiday get-together she knows some families in our school who hire private consultants who plan the kids’ whole life since 7th grade: help them apply to or even write essays for summer programs, plan sports (plan competition schedule and travel if it’s an individual sport without team schedule, summer skill camps at Ivies), school club leadership (how to recruit members, plan highly visible activities, manage their Instagram to document large gatherings, accomplishments), all the way down to drafting weekly emails for the kid to send to coaches, professors and college tour guides, band leaders they met on tours or summer programs over 4 years to establish relationships in a strategic and unannoying way. These are all before helping them ace the SAT and write their application essays.

Another friend told me last year (she had older kids and know many parents who have been through the process in the past decade) private consultants are useless, that the ones she knew who use them are getting into T25-50 colleges after spending tens of thousands, but not the most selective ones, because the top ones see through the consultants’ finger prints all over an app.

So which is true? I know as with a lot of cases, the answer is “it depends”, perhaps a great consultant could do those things. We have zero plan to use one (we don’t even have a tutor!) but I’m so disheartened that DC who works so hard to get top grades, work so hard on weekends at his part time job is competing under these circumstances. If that’s true, I want to take my kids out of the game and just apply to Canada, which is where DH is from, where you shouldn’t have to play these games to get in.

Anyone BTDT has real insights?

I would love to hire a consultant like this for my DCs but can't get a recommendation because no one wants to share the name of their consultant (presumably because they want the edge/advantage).

I did all of consultant 1’s job for 1 of my kids.
It’s not that hard.

Same. And got my kid (non private HS) into a HYP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend who tends to be more savvy about these things told me over a holiday get-together she knows some families in our school who hire private consultants who plan the kids’ whole life since 7th grade: help them apply to or even write essays for summer programs, plan sports (plan competition schedule and travel if it’s an individual sport without team schedule, summer skill camps at Ivies), school club leadership (how to recruit members, plan highly visible activities, manage their Instagram to document large gatherings, accomplishments), all the way down to drafting weekly emails for the kid to send to coaches, professors and college tour guides, band leaders they met on tours or summer programs over 4 years to establish relationships in a strategic and unannoying way. These are all before helping them ace the SAT and write their application essays.

Another friend told me last year (she had older kids and know many parents who have been through the process in the past decade) private consultants are useless, that the ones she knew who use them are getting into T25-50 colleges after spending tens of thousands, but not the most selective ones, because the top ones see through the consultants’ finger prints all over an app.

So which is true? I know as with a lot of cases, the answer is “it depends”, perhaps a great consultant could do those things. We have zero plan to use one (we don’t even have a tutor!) but I’m so disheartened that DC who works so hard to get top grades, work so hard on weekends at his part time job is competing under these circumstances. If that’s true, I want to take my kids out of the game and just apply to Canada, which is where DH is from, where you shouldn’t have to play these games to get in.

Anyone BTDT has real insights?

I would love to hire a consultant like this for my DCs but can't get a recommendation because no one wants to share the name of their consultant (presumably because they want the edge/advantage).

I did all of consultant 1’s job for 1 of my kids.
It’s not that hard.

Same. And got my kid (non private HS) into a HYP.

I don't have the knowledge or wherewithal, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A close friend who tends to be more savvy about these things told me over a holiday get-together she knows some families in our school who hire private consultants who plan the kids’ whole life since 7th grade: help them apply to or even write essays for summer programs, plan sports (plan competition schedule and travel if it’s an individual sport without team schedule, summer skill camps at Ivies), school club leadership (how to recruit members, plan highly visible activities, manage their Instagram to document large gatherings, accomplishments), all the way down to drafting weekly emails for the kid to send to coaches, professors and college tour guides, band leaders they met on tours or summer programs over 4 years to establish relationships in a strategic and unannoying way. These are all before helping them ace the SAT and write their application essays.

Another friend told me last year (she had older kids and know many parents who have been through the process in the past decade) private consultants are useless, that the ones she knew who use them are getting into T25-50 colleges after spending tens of thousands, but not the most selective ones, because the top ones see through the consultants’ finger prints all over an app.

So which is true? I know as with a lot of cases, the answer is “it depends”, perhaps a great consultant could do those things. We have zero plan to use one (we don’t even have a tutor!) but I’m so disheartened that DC who works so hard to get top grades, work so hard on weekends at his part time job is competing under these circumstances. If that’s true, I want to take my kids out of the game and just apply to Canada, which is where DH is from, where you shouldn’t have to play these games to get in.

Anyone BTDT has real insights?

I would love to hire a consultant like this for my DCs but can't get a recommendation because no one wants to share the name of their consultant (presumably because they want the edge/advantage).

I did all of consultant 1’s job for 1 of my kids.
It’s not that hard.

Same. And got my kid (non private HS) into a HYP.

I don't have the knowledge or wherewithal, to be honest.

I was the same. Two working parents so spent down times/driving to places listening to podcasts, reading blogs, talking to parents who have recently gone thru this, etc to understand the process, strategies. There is a wealth of info out there, free. Just need to start early on in the HS journey to process and see how they apply to your kid.

[Anonymous]

A a little tip. Instead of posting on here and spending your hours worrying, find an old post called “lessons learned” which lists a bunch of resources, including books and podcasts.

Spend your spare time now listening to a few of the great podcasts (Yale; Dartmouth; CAP; YCBK; Ingenius Prep) and listening to one or two of the books on tape. It will become very clear what type of narrative your kid needs.

If you do come back here, start a new post with your kids real authentic interests, deep passions, and a few extracurriculars. Then ask for specific advice on how to tie two disparate interest together in an authentic way. Ask for suggestions for majors along with summer programs.

That is the best use of your time here. Worrying about all of the junk in this entire thread is pointless. And a waste of your time.

You’re welcome. I followed this advice and helped my two kids get into T20 private schools (including one who got in test optional last cycle).

[Anonymous]

I feel like I have some knowledge and could guide my junior. DC will more likely follow advice if it comes from an outside counselor. Also hoping that by ‘outsourcing the nagging’, DC won’t dread seeing me when I ask questions and will remain organized and do tasks on time. My decision to hire a private counselor is basically a fear-based decision and I am doing it because most of my friends ended up using one. Not the best reasons, I know. I wish I had the confidence and ability to do it on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A a little tip. Instead of posting on here and spending your hours worrying, find an old post called “lessons learned” which lists a bunch of resources, including books and podcasts.

Spend your spare time now listening to a few of the great podcasts (Yale; Dartmouth; CAP; YCBK; Ingenius Prep) and listening to one or two of the books on tape. It will become very clear what type of narrative your kid needs.

If you do come back here, start a new post with your kids real authentic interests, deep passions, and a few extracurriculars. Then ask for specific advice on how to tie two disparate interest together in an authentic way. Ask for suggestions for majors along with summer programs.

That is the best use of your time here. Worrying about all of the junk in this entire thread is pointless. And a waste of your time.

You’re welcome. I followed this advice and helped my two kids get into T20 private schools (including one who got in test optional last cycle).

This. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close friend who tends to be more savvy about these things told me over a holiday get-together she knows some families in our school who hire private consultants who plan the kids’ whole life since 7th grade: help them apply to or even write essays for summer programs, plan sports (plan competition schedule and travel if it’s an individual sport without team schedule, summer skill camps at Ivies), school club leadership (how to recruit members, plan highly visible activities, manage their Instagram to document large gatherings, accomplishments), all the way down to drafting weekly emails for the kid to send to coaches, professors and college tour guides, band leaders they met on tours or summer programs over 4 years to establish relationships in a strategic and unannoying way. These are all before helping them ace the SAT and write their application essays.

Another friend told me last year (she had older kids and know many parents who have been through the process in the past decade) private consultants are useless, that the ones she knew who use them are getting into T25-50 colleges after spending tens of thousands, but not the most selective ones, because the top ones see through the consultants’ finger prints all over an app.

So which is true? I know as with a lot of cases, the answer is “it depends”, perhaps a great consultant could do those things. We have zero plan to use one (we don’t even have a tutor!) but I’m so disheartened that DC who works so hard to get top grades, work so hard on weekends at his part time job is competing under these circumstances. If that’s true, I want to take my kids out of the game and just apply to Canada, which is where DH is from, where you shouldn’t have to play these games to get in.

Anyone BTDT has real insights?

The first is about the worst thing one can do to a teen's life. Isn't teen the best time to explore one's identity and path and interests? Letting some paid consultant to manage one's life is awful. It is one thing to ask for some help for application for colleges such as CV padding, it is another to organize the ECs and interests through a paid third party.
Truly Awful. I think parents should really allow a kid to discover their own path and fail a couple of times.

[Anonymous]

I know a family doing this. They have plain Jane kids so they are anxious. They also did not go to good schools themselves. It's very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A a little tip. Instead of posting on here and spending your hours worrying, find an old post called “lessons learned” which lists a bunch of resources, including books and podcasts.

Spend your spare time now listening to a few of the great podcasts (Yale; Dartmouth; CAP; YCBK; Ingenius Prep) and listening to one or two of the books on tape. It will become very clear what type of narrative your kid needs.

If you do come back here, start a new post with your kids real authentic interests, deep passions, and a few extracurriculars. Then ask for specific advice on how to tie two disparate interest together in an authentic way. Ask for suggestions for majors along with summer programs.

That is the best use of your time here. Worrying about all of the junk in this entire thread is pointless. And a waste of your time.

You’re welcome. I followed this advice and helped my two kids get into T20 private schools (including one who got in test optional last cycle).

This. Thank you.

Yep. Here are some good posts I think that are referenced - all are bookmarked for me:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1176660.page
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1251044.page