Do you 3rd graders do lots of sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all these “no sleepover” families are bringing their fears and foreign culture here. Most traditional American families have been doing sleep away camps for generations and have no trouble with sleepovers with families they know.

I don’t want to live in a culture where fear is the norm because these families don’t hold themselves or their relatives to a high enough standard.

Nice sock puppet

She not a sock puppet I don’t know any traditional American families that don’t do sleepovers- not one! All the families I know that don’t do them are from cultures that don’t have them and have not assimilated - Asian, Middle Eastern, and Hispanic. I’m of Hispanic descent and my mom was extremely uncomfortable with them but allowed me with select families. I allow my kids - I’m assimilated.

[Anonymous]

My third grader has never been invited to a sleepover and I haven’t heard anything about it. Not sure if boys are as interested in doing them.

However, as a mom that has had bad sleepover experiences as a kid, and used sleepovers as cover to engage in bad behavior as a teen, those of you who have your reservations are 100% right. The tigers do indeed come at night. We will allow “late nights” but we sleep at home or with trusted first degree relatives only.

[Anonymous]

I'm a white person born and raised in the US and have reservations about sleepovers. I think they are one of those "rites of passage" that Americans in the 80s decided were perfunctory but that could stand to be re-examined.

I did sleepovers growing up and nothing so bad as sexual assault happened, but looking back, they weren't really a net positive. There was a lot of relational aggression ("mean girl" style bullying) that I either received it was pressured to participate in. The peak age for sleep overs is also an age when kids are eager to prove how mature they are while also having NO IDEA about most things. I saw R rated movies on sleepovers that disturbed me, but I couldn't discuss with an adult because I didn't want to get in trouble for having watched them. Sleepovers encourage more emotional intimacy, but can also lead to being rejected for revealing something they don't like. I have a couple bizarre memories of some friends really going after me for being Catholic at a sleepover (they were evangelical and had been told that Catholics worship the Virgin Mary and other false idols -- we were like 11 and was not prepared to defend the religion I was born into and just felt judged as a bad person at the time).

I have a DD now and I'm open to sleepovers with select friends. I think the group sleepovers often have terrible dynamics, tho. Also my DD is young for her grade and immature for her age, so I *am* protective of things like her self esteem and her innocence around things like sex and more complex social dynamics -- I want to make sure her exposure to these things matches what she's ready for and that she has trusted adults to talk about it with when she needs to.

IMO the people who view sleepovers as essential and an unqualified good either were fortunate in their adolescent sleepover experiences, or may have been the instigators of some of the behaviors I'm talking about, and therefore might not realize how negative it can be for the younger, less mature, less socially dominant kids. Sleepovers can be a minefield with no escape until morning. Plus my kid can be so timid with adults she doesn't know well, and I know if she was miserable, she'd just tough it out rather than ask to go home.

We're waiting a bit, and being discerning. There's no set timeline and no, they aren't necessary for development.

[Anonymous]

My kids love sleepovers at my parents home but they don’t seem to have an interest anywhere else. I’m fine with that! They have a great time with my parents and my parents make sure they get to bed on time.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.I was not allowed as a kid and I turned out fine and my kids aren’t allowed now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not.I was not allowed as a kid and I turned out fine and my kids aren’t allowed now.

If you're the sort to 'absolutely not' allow your kids to go to sleepovers, something that's an incredibly normal - fun part of being a kid, then no, no you did not 'turn out fine'.

That's a kind of weird deep seated paranoia and sadness towards others that I would never inflict on my kids.

For the record, we do sleepovers with both close, trusted neighbors, family members/cousins, and also during the summer - a few other kids from swim team.

It's normal, no one has ever exploded, and the world isn't as horrible a place as everyone seems to think it is. You just have to be smart about who your kids hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not.I was not allowed as a kid and I turned out fine and my kids aren’t allowed now.

If you're the sort to 'absolutely not' allow your kids to go to sleepovers, something that's an incredibly normal - fun part of being a kid, then no, no you did not 'turn out fine'.

That's a kind of weird deep seated paranoia and sadness towards others that I would never inflict on my kids.

For the record, we do sleepovers with both close, trusted neighbors, family members/cousins, and also during the summer - a few other kids from swim team.

It's normal, no one has ever exploded, and the world isn't as horrible a place as everyone seems to think it is. You just have to be smart about who your kids hang out with.

DP but omg we could play this game all day. Why is it so important to you that *other* people's kids go on sleepovers? If you are the kind of adult who angrily orders other people to let their kids go on sleepovers, then you are the one who is poorly adjusted, and no one should take your parenting advice.

I'm not even opposed to sleepovers but this insistence that everyone should do them is weird. So what's right for your family and don't worry about what others do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not.I was not allowed as a kid and I turned out fine and my kids aren’t allowed now.

If you're the sort to 'absolutely not' allow your kids to go to sleepovers, something that's an incredibly normal - fun part of being a kid, then no, no you did not 'turn out fine'.

That's a kind of weird deep seated paranoia and sadness towards others that I would never inflict on my kids.

For the record, we do sleepovers with both close, trusted neighbors, family members/cousins, and also during the summer - a few other kids from swim team.

It's normal, no one has ever exploded, and the world isn't as horrible a place as everyone seems to think it is. You just have to be smart about who your kids hang out with.

Why do you need access to other people's kids? So creepy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all these “no sleepover” families are bringing their fears and foreign culture here. Most traditional American families have been doing sleep away camps for generations and have no trouble with sleepovers with families they know.

I don’t want to live in a culture where fear is the norm because these families don’t hold themselves or their relatives to a high enough standard.

Nice sock puppet

She not a sock puppet I don’t know any traditional American families that don’t do sleepovers- not one! All the families I know that don’t do them are from cultures that don’t have them and have not assimilated - Asian, Middle Eastern, and Hispanic. I’m of Hispanic descent and my mom was extremely uncomfortable with them but allowed me with select families. I allow my kids - I’m assimilated.

My ancestors arrived from England at Jamestown in 1620.

Is that assimilated enough?

We never allow sleepovers. It is impossible to ensure safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if your kid wants one, why wouldn't you just host one? I personally hate them, but two of my kids started them in 1st grade. Fortunately, they kind of fizzle out and stop doing them by 7th/8th grade.

That’s not true. That’s when the unsupervised ones start. I mean that the girls can talk privately amongst themselves, eat what they want, talk to the boys who are having their sleepovers.

The faster moving popular kids will be sneaking out of the house to meet up with friends or boyfriends.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure the PP is speaking from experience or speculation, but I have a DD in 9th grade. A sleepover is more of a rare occurrence due to busy schedules in weekends - so maybe 3-4 times a year. Anyway, it’s a couple of girls watching movies, baking, talking, not sleeping enough… I am sure there are kids who sneak out but don’t believe that’s the norm…

As far as OP’s question, my kids didn’t have any that young. Focus on helping her nurture the friendships she has.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5th grade boy who has never been interested and a 1st grade girl who is interested but scared, and her friends are the same. We are open to it with specific families but not suggesting or pushing it.