Do you 3rd graders do lots of sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

My 3rd grader has never been on a sleepover. She claims "everyone" does sleepovers and she's left out.

The thing is, the reason she's never done a sleepover is that she's never actually been invited for one. She would say that I don't let her go on them, because she is thinking of a couple times several years ago when she asked me (in general) if she could do a sleepover and I said I didn't think we were ready as a family yet. But then I just assumed it wasn't a thing that was happening because she never got an invite. But now she claims everyone does them.

To be clear, she has friends. But only one good friend from school who I know doesn't do sleepovers (this friend has some developmental delays and her parents are pretty protective). Her other close friends are through activities and our neighborhood, and I don't think those families do sleepovers either (I know the parents well enough that I feel I would know if they were hosting these). She has one friend who does sleepovers but who is two years older and does them with girls her own age. I'm pretty sure those only started in the last year or so.

I'm not opposed to it, assuming it's a family we know and the kids are actually ready for it. But I'm kind of at a loss because now she is complaining as though I'm keeping her from doing them but I think it's more that the "sleepover kids" at her school are not part of her social circle so she is not being included in it, and the kids in her social circle don't seem to do sleepovers.

WTD?

[Anonymous]

We have done sleepovers since 2nd for the older kid And now my 1st grader has had a couple with the same girl who we have known since preschool. My 4th graders has had a bunch in 3rd. Usually the same 3-4 girls and we rotate. There were two sleepover bday parties last year too.

[Anonymous]

I think third was the first year for my daughters. My son had one in 2nd, and none since.
I kind of hate them, so only do them for birthdays. My kids are allowed to go if invited, but they don’t seem to be too frequent with their friends. (One daughter has two friends who are not allowed to at all- they are in middle school. They do “sleep unders” instead.

[Anonymous]

My oldest never had a sleepover - he has autism and wasn't ready, and by the time he was, he didn't want to. My youngest had two sleepovers, both with her best friend, in middle school. They're now in high school and seem not to want them anymore.

All of which to say, we are not a sleepover sort of family I know other kids, of all ages, who do sleepovers all the time.

[Anonymous]

I hate them but my third grader does do them.

[Anonymous]

We're a no sleepover family. DD has lots of friends. I do let her do sleep unders where i pick her up and drop her off in the morning (i bring breakfast for everyone and coffee for the parents)

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a mixed bag - plenty don’t. But if you’re okay with it and it seems important to your kid, winter break seems like the perfect time to invite someone! You can offer “sleep under” as an option, and it should be fun for your DD either way.

[Anonymous]

wtf? a sleepover in third grade?

[Anonymous]

Mine did. From K, as I recall.

I used to hate the days after. Cranky AF. But it's an important cultural right of passage.

[Anonymous]

My 3rd grader had one last year. In 4th grade--it seems to be increasing, as there's been 4 already (birthday sleepovers) and we're only halfway through the school year.

[Anonymous]

OP- if your kid is dying to do a sleepover, but no one is inviting her and mistakenly feels that you are holding her back from participating--why not host a sleepover at your home? You can have a small one with just 2-3 kids if you want to check out how this works with your child. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Yes, probably 2-3 each month.

[Anonymous]

My 5th grader has been doing sleepovers regularly since 2nd. Some of the birthday parties are sleepovers and then lots of 1-on-1s or 3-4 girls. We host about 1/4th of the ones she does, so probably a bit under our fair share, but we let her do 10-12 girls for her birthday (and are one of only a handful of families who will allow that). FWIW for her 2nd grade birthday, we had 8 yeses and 2 sleepunders; so most parents were ready. Both sleepunders were new to the school, and 1 was sleeping at ours by the end of the year… For her 5th grade party, we got 11 out of 11 yeses. So, at least at our local Capitol Hill DCPS, very few families are no sleepover families. The best way to get your kid invited to a sleepover is to host.

[Anonymous]

We’ve had a couple at our house. My third grader has a close group of friends. They do some sleepovers but it seems to be more common among the girls in my son’s class.

[Anonymous]

OP if your kid wants one, why wouldn't you just host one? I personally hate them, but two of my kids started them in 1st grade. Fortunately, they kind of fizzle out and stop doing them by 7th/8th grade.