Prenup Situation - how to move forward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Not everyone's self esteem is tied to how much they make. There are many respectable and essential careers that don't pay much. Nurses, garbage men, teachers, post offic endeavors, nannies, pharmacy techs, etc. Thank goodness this woman's family can support her in her endeavor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

"Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary." You clearly know nothing about trusts. First of all, she might not even be the trustee. There might be a corporate trustee who has to follow the rules of the trust. And the rules of the trust are unlikely to allow her to pull high six figures out. Most trusts require you to consider other assets - meaning his salary.

It would be better for OP to marry someone who does not have a trust fund and who has similar earning potential and work ethic. They could build their own wealth together. The current situation seems to involve a control and power imbalance, which is unfair. His spouse’s trust disincentivizes her to work hard and contribute to the marital pot because we she has enough in her own pot that he’ll never get. Just don’t make the same mistake I did by marrying someone whose parents are financially irresponsible and end up taking all your money. It's even worse than dealing with wealthy, controlling in-laws. At least they don't take.

Agree with this. The DH will end up beholden to the wife’s family. He likely won’t earn the income to keep up.

I’ve had my share of marital issues but being on equal footing and building wealth together has been such a blessing. If you made me 25 years old again I’d stay away from any serious relationship with a man from significant familial wealth. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 30s male is engaged to early 30s female. She is a from a very well to do family and will be anticipating a high eight figure to low nine figure inheritance. She already has a substantial amount in a trust. Her personal income is in the high five figures. He will be completing his medical fellowship next year and will be make in the high six figures to start and will likely make low seven figures once he becomes a shareholder at the practice he is joining in two years.

Her family has proposed a prenup which shelters any premarital/trust assets that she has while his income would be considered marital/community property. He is concerned over this for several reasons as they met after he had already graduated from medical school so she was not a significant support during this time. He is also concerned that he may end up paying alimony to a far wealthier ex-wife in the event of divorce. Furthermore, he is concerned he will be expected to fund an expensive lifestyle with his income while her trust is untouched - thus limiting his ability to save.

What is a fair way to structure a prenup in these circumstance to respect his hard work and long term financial security while doing the same for her family wealth?

So let's get this straight. A man who just got out of med school would like to marry a woman who is earning "high five figures." So, counting my fingers, that amounts to less than $99,999 per annum. However, wild card, she will likely inherit close to $100,000,000. And he is concerned about having to pay her alimony in case they divorce. Because he is sure he is going to earn "seven figures" two years out of med school.

Oh, this is sure to be a wonderful marriage. Sounds like true love.

It's reasonable for super wealthy families to protect themselves from predators and their heirs making dumb choices. The fact that you are worried that the love of your life is going to garnish your doctor wages is just... bad. And you're not even married yet. Be honest. Are you marrying her because of her inheritance? Because you sound exactly like the kind of man that needs an ironclad pre-nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Oof. My spouse makes 5x what I do. My job has little impact on our finances. But it's meaningful and I essentially serve first generation college students. I don't have a trust but will probably inherit several million, which is a back-of-mind comfort sometimes I guess, and probably makes me less motivated to work for the most money possible. So if thats an unattractive core feature, I think I'm OK with that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Oof. My spouse makes 5x what I do. My job has little impact on our finances. But it's meaningful and I essentially serve first generation college students. I don't have a trust but will probably inherit several million, which is a back-of-mind comfort sometimes I guess, and probably makes me less motivated to work for the most money possible. So if thats an unattractive core feature, I think I'm OK with that!

This is completely different than OP’s situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Not everyone's self esteem is tied to how much they make. There are many respectable and essential careers that don't pay much. Nurses, garbage men, teachers, post offic endeavors, nannies, pharmacy techs, etc. Thank goodness this woman's family can support her in her endeavor.

No way this woman is a nurse or pharmacy tech. I'd even throw in teacher. Not with a family who interferes in her life as much as these future in laws seem to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

"Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary." You clearly know nothing about trusts. First of all, she might not even be the trustee. There might be a corporate trustee who has to follow the rules of the trust. And the rules of the trust are unlikely to allow her to pull high six figures out. Most trusts require you to consider other assets - meaning his salary.

It would be better for OP to marry someone who does not have a trust fund and who has similar earning potential and work ethic. They could build their own wealth together. The current situation seems to involve a control and power imbalance, which is unfair. His spouse’s trust disincentivizes her to work hard and contribute to the marital pot because we she has enough in her own pot that he’ll never get. Just don’t make the same mistake I did by marrying someone whose parents are financially irresponsible and end up taking all your money. It's even worse than dealing with wealthy, controlling in-laws. At least they don't take.

+1
I'm telling my kids this

A shared work ethic is important even if one scales back to take care of kids. This lady doesn't have it. Im sure she's pretty, though

Also, that the male in the relationship is financially lower than the woman will be a problem in this relationship eventually. He already can't take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Not everyone's self esteem is tied to how much they make. There are many respectable and essential careers that don't pay much. Nurses, garbage men, teachers, post offic endeavors, nannies, pharmacy techs, etc. Thank goodness this woman's family can support her in her endeavor.

No way this woman is a nurse or pharmacy tech. I'd even throw in teacher. Not with a family who interferes in her life as much as these future in laws seem to.

Having a trust fund and expecting a prenup are not interfering to an especially high degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

You can’t waive child support as that’s an entitlement to the child. If golden boys mommy is right about his future earnings, he should be able to cover half of tuition without his ex-ILs money.

I’m not sure that’s true. There should be a way to ensure that the future children get substantial enough support from the trust that OP doesn’t have to contribute.

You can’t write a prenup that obligated a trust to do something. The prenup obligates the people signing it. Personally I think the prenup makes sense given OP/her son isn’t making any money right now— the future in laws don’t want a freeloader.

Well if nothing can obligate the trust to do anything then why sign a prenup?

Sorry Richie riches, you cannot have it both ways. If you insist on a prenup then the other party needs to be financially protected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

"Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary." You clearly know nothing about trusts. First of all, she might not even be the trustee. There might be a corporate trustee who has to follow the rules of the trust. And the rules of the trust are unlikely to allow her to pull high six figures out. Most trusts require you to consider other assets - meaning his salary.

It would be better for OP to marry someone who does not have a trust fund and who has similar earning potential and work ethic. They could build their own wealth together. The current situation seems to involve a control and power imbalance, which is unfair. His spouse’s trust disincentivizes her to work hard and contribute to the marital pot because we she has enough in her own pot that he’ll never get. Just don’t make the same mistake I did by marrying someone whose parents are financially irresponsible and end up taking all your money. It's even worse than dealing with wealthy, controlling in-laws. At least they don't take.

+1
I'm telling my kids this

A shared work ethic is important even if one scales back to take care of kids. This lady doesn't have it. Im sure she's pretty, though

Also, that the male in the relationship is financially lower than the woman will be a problem in this relationship eventually. He already can't take it.

So are you inferring that everyone with a great work ethic makes a lot of money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

You can’t waive child support as that’s an entitlement to the child. If golden boys mommy is right about his future earnings, he should be able to cover half of tuition without his ex-ILs money.

I’m not sure that’s true. There should be a way to ensure that the future children get substantial enough support from the trust that OP doesn’t have to contribute.

You can’t write a prenup that obligated a trust to do something. The prenup obligates the people signing it. Personally I think the prenup makes sense given OP/her son isn’t making any money right now— the future in laws don’t want a freeloader.

Well if nothing can obligate the trust to do anything then why sign a prenup?

Sorry Richie riches, you cannot have it both ways. If you insist on a prenup then the other party needs to be financially protected.

I’m actually not sure— if the trust is well written, this DH in theory wouldn’t be able to access it. The prenup might be about getting on paper that her family money is separate if they’re worried he’s controlling or coercive.

[Anonymous]

Both people need to protect themselves.

They will both have ample money so neither should be making no the other richer.

He doesn’t need access to the trust fund or inheritance and she doesn’t need access to any of his earnings or assets earned during the marriage.

Figure out a legal way that if the marriage ends everyone keeps their own money.

[Anonymous]

People really think it is unreasonable for a family with a nine-figure trust to request a prenup, and for the counterparty to that prenup to make sure his interests are protected?

The amount of idiocy and envy on this thread is really astounding.

[Anonymous]

Fair is no alimony to either, everyone keeps what they earn. Title the assets separately and prenup stipulates that marital vs separate follows the title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People really think it is unreasonable for a family with a nine-figure trust to request a prenup, and for the counterparty to that prenup to make sure his interests are protected?

The amount of idiocy and envy on this thread is really astounding.

Nooooo

Don't worry, your little snookums is safe

None of their eligible intendeds will even blink at this setup

But this is a higher class level than I'd want for my kids. I think they'd be happier with those that match them.