Prenup Situation - how to move forward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This marriage seems to be in trouble already based on your description. We are leaving our child mid-eight figures (as you would describe it). You can bet there will be a prenup.

If I were in DD’s parent’s shoes, I would probably agree to fund grandchildren’s education and chip in on a house but insist on a prenup.

Why do you say the marriage seems to be in trouble and then also say “you bet there will be a prenup”?
The very idea of a prenup is to think about what happens if the marriage falls apart— so do you think a prenup makes that more likely but you are ok with that, or do you think a prenup for someone else is a bad sign but for your kid it isn’t?

Sorry there is no “gotcha here.” Not to mention, I was the second person to state this. With reading comprehension, it’s obvious: I think the son is out of line. He is worried about “funding his wife’s extravagant lifestyle while she keeps all of her (parent’s) money in a trust?” This doesn’t sound very loving. It sounds like a judgy “tit for tat” relationship where there is no trust.

I don’t see it as being judgy at all; his concerns are absolutely valid. He needs to meet with an attorney. Nobody wants to feel exploited in a relationship, and this situation seems particularly imbalanced. The fact that his wife has substantial money tied up in a trust, combined with a prenup, raises serious questions when he’s the only one bringing in meaningful earned income. It sets the stage for potential unfairness, especially as they grow older.

Imagine pouring years of hard work into supporting a lifestyle while she has been saving her family’s wealth, keeping it for herself. OP might end up with a massive estate to distribute however she wants, while he could find himself with nothing, having contributed so much to their shared life. It’s worth a deeper look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is the prenup they’re discussing different from what would happen without a prenup? Trusts and inheritance are always separate aren’t they?

This.

This is a standard prenup. Basically they are saying her inheritance is not a marital asset. That is standard.

And if he does not want to support an expensive life style, he should live more frugally. Insist on saving enough for his retirement regardless of the trust. If she wants to spend more, she can spend the income from the trust, presumably, depending on the terms. Or she can get a job and that income will be considered a marital asset.

If he feels entitled to her trust fund money, that is a HUGE red flag and she should not marry him.

I bet you are the man's gold digging mom

There's a woman on this board who is basically in the situation the OP describes. She's financially stuck - house is in both of their names but only she pays the mortgage, her salary is considered as part of marital assets, etc. OP would be wise not to put himself in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This marriage seems to be in trouble already based on your description. We are leaving our child mid-eight figures (as you would describe it). You can bet there will be a prenup.

If I were in DD’s parent’s shoes, I would probably agree to fund grandchildren’s education and chip in on a house but insist on a prenup.

Why do you say the marriage seems to be in trouble and then also say “you bet there will be a prenup”?
The very idea of a prenup is to think about what happens if the marriage falls apart— so do you think a prenup makes that more likely but you are ok with that, or do you think a prenup for someone else is a bad sign but for your kid it isn’t?

Sorry there is no “gotcha here.” Not to mention, I was the second person to state this. With reading comprehension, it’s obvious: I think the son is out of line. He is worried about “funding his wife’s extravagant lifestyle while she keeps all of her (parent’s) money in a trust?” This doesn’t sound very loving. It sounds like a judgy “tit for tat” relationship where there is no trust.

Sorry but either you think a prenup is a symptom of a “judgy tit for tat relationship with no trust” or you don’t.

If a woman asks for a prenup you don’t get to judge a man for asking how his interests will also be protected.

[Anonymous]

These people have no business getting married.

[Anonymous]

Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust, he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

Correction- both CAN fully support themselves

[Anonymous]

What a beautiful love story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

You can’t waive child support as that’s an entitlement to the child. If golden boys mommy is right about his future earnings, he should be able to cover half of tuition without his ex-ILs money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

You can’t waive child support as that’s an entitlement to the child. If golden boys mommy is right about his future earnings, he should be able to cover half of tuition without his ex-ILs money.

I’m not sure that’s true. There should be a way to ensure that the future children get substantial enough support from the trust that OP doesn’t have to contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

You can’t waive child support as that’s an entitlement to the child. If golden boys mommy is right about his future earnings, he should be able to cover half of tuition without his ex-ILs money.

I’m not sure that’s true. There should be a way to ensure that the future children get substantial enough support from the trust that OP doesn’t have to contribute.

You can’t write a prenup that obligated a trust to do something. The prenup obligates the people signing it. Personally I think the prenup makes sense given OP/her son isn’t making any money right now— the future in laws don’t want a freeloader.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

I think this is fair. She should contribute a reasonable imputed income from the trust. Especially I’m seeing SAHM-ing in her future, or hobby job that doesn’t even cover childcare.

[Anonymous]

I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

This is what I would push for if I were him. I’d also want something about how he should max out retirement and gets to keep all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Maybe she is doing something lower paying that helps society, like being a teacher or working as a social worker.