Prenup Situation - how to move forward?

[Anonymous]

It seems like you/he want to write a prenup based on a future version or himself who will make an income “in the high six figures” or “when he becomes a shareholder”.

What is he bringing to the table now? Debt and living off her, it sounds like. No wonder her family wants a prenup.

Get a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

For heaven's sake get a lawyer. Sounds like this groom-to-be is very poorly informed -- the worry about paying alimony to someone as wealthy as this bride-to-be doesn't make much sense in 2025. A lawyer can set all of this straight for him.

I'm not a fan of prenups, and would not have signed one myself. But under these circumstances, it makes sense for this bride-to-be to get one in place.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar, gender swapped, situation on a /much/ smaller scale. Even down to meeting my husband when I was finishing subspecialty training and just starting a lucrative partnership track job in my early 30's. Husband didn't want to touch trust, so we basically live off my income while his savings remains premarital assets and untouched and he works a modestly paid public interest job. In our case, we created a stepwise system where I gradually become his beneficiary of that trust to a max 1/3 after 20 years. We are currently at year 17! The remainder is split evenly between his son and our son. It makes my husband feel better because his premarital assets remain intact with the majority passing to our kids. And I'm fine with being the breadwinner and saving less because it functionally acts like savings for me.

If anyone thinks this is too much, especially when there are step kids involved, I'll point out my income funded private school, college, and grad school for my stepson. Things my husband would have had to dig into the trust for had I not been in the picture. He stopped the big law lifestyle when he met me and was also able to spend much more time at home and with both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This marriage seems to be in trouble already based on your description. We are leaving our child mid-eight figures (as you would describe it). You can bet there will be a prenup.

If I were in DD’s parent’s shoes, I would probably agree to fund grandchildren’s education and chip in on a house but insist on a prenup.

This seems very reasonable and might relief some of OP's fear of getting himself into a lifestyle that he cannot afford while making sure that his wife does not lose too much of the money that her family intended for her if things go south.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For heaven's sake get a lawyer. Sounds like this groom-to-be is very poorly informed -- the worry about paying alimony to someone as wealthy as this bride-to-be doesn't make much sense in 2025. A lawyer can set all of this straight for him.

I'm not a fan of prenups, and would not have signed one myself. But under these circumstances, it makes sense for this bride-to-be to get one in place.

It makes sense for the groom too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar, gender swapped, situation on a /much/ smaller scale. Even down to meeting my husband when I was finishing subspecialty training and just starting a lucrative partnership track job in my early 30's. Husband didn't want to touch trust, so we basically live off my income while his savings remains premarital assets and untouched and he works a modestly paid public interest job. In our case, we created a stepwise system where I gradually become his beneficiary of that trust to a max 1/3 after 20 years. We are currently at year 17! The remainder is split evenly between his son and our son. It makes my husband feel better because his premarital assets remain intact with the majority passing to our kids. And I'm fine with being the breadwinner and saving less because it functionally acts like savings for me.

If anyone thinks this is too much, especially when there are step kids involved, I'll point out my income funded private school, college, and grad school for my stepson. Things my husband would have had to dig into the trust for had I not been in the picture. He stopped the big law lifestyle when he met me and was also able to spend much more time at home and with both kids.

It actually sounds like you got taken advantage of. Why didn't you make him fund his own lifestyle, provide for his own child, and at least cover half of your shared kid's expenses from the trust? That way, you could save and protect some of your earnings. It almost reads like you’re a wage slave in this marriage. I don't like it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar, gender swapped, situation on a /much/ smaller scale. Even down to meeting my husband when I was finishing subspecialty training and just starting a lucrative partnership track job in my early 30's. Husband didn't want to touch trust, so we basically live off my income while his savings remains premarital assets and untouched and he works a modestly paid public interest job. In our case, we created a stepwise system where I gradually become his beneficiary of that trust to a max 1/3 after 20 years. We are currently at year 17! The remainder is split evenly between his son and our son. It makes my husband feel better because his premarital assets remain intact with the majority passing to our kids. And I'm fine with being the breadwinner and saving less because it functionally acts like savings for me.

If anyone thinks this is too much, especially when there are step kids involved, I'll point out my income funded private school, college, and grad school for my stepson. Things my husband would have had to dig into the trust for had I not been in the picture. He stopped the big law lifestyle when he met me and was also able to spend much more time at home and with both kids.

Sounds fair.

[Anonymous]

You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For heaven's sake get a lawyer. Sounds like this groom-to-be is very poorly informed -- the worry about paying alimony to someone as wealthy as this bride-to-be doesn't make much sense in 2025. A lawyer can set all of this straight for him.

I'm not a fan of prenups, and would not have signed one myself. But under these circumstances, it makes sense for this bride-to-be to get one in place.

It makes sense for the groom too.

Absolutely the groom needs legal advice. His concerns are valid and he needs representation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar, gender swapped, situation on a /much/ smaller scale. Even down to meeting my husband when I was finishing subspecialty training and just starting a lucrative partnership track job in my early 30's. Husband didn't want to touch trust, so we basically live off my income while his savings remains premarital assets and untouched and he works a modestly paid public interest job. In our case, we created a stepwise system where I gradually become his beneficiary of that trust to a max 1/3 after 20 years. We are currently at year 17! The remainder is split evenly between his son and our son. It makes my husband feel better because his premarital assets remain intact with the majority passing to our kids. And I'm fine with being the breadwinner and saving less because it functionally acts like savings for me.

If anyone thinks this is too much, especially when there are step kids involved, I'll point out my income funded private school, college, and grad school for my stepson. Things my husband would have had to dig into the trust for had I not been in the picture. He stopped the big law lifestyle when he met me and was also able to spend much more time at home and with both kids.

It actually sounds like you got taken advantage of. Why didn't you make him fund his own lifestyle, provide for his own child, and at least cover half of your shared kid's expenses from the trust? That way, you could save and protect some of your earnings. It almost reads like you’re a wage slave in this marriage. I don't like it for you.

You don't know what the stepwise system gave her each year. She could have gotten stepwise a beneficiary share in the trust each year that would cover more than what she could have saved if he used money from the trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

This is smart! Ask your lawyer about this, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar, gender swapped, situation on a /much/ smaller scale. Even down to meeting my husband when I was finishing subspecialty training and just starting a lucrative partnership track job in my early 30's. Husband didn't want to touch trust, so we basically live off my income while his savings remains premarital assets and untouched and he works a modestly paid public interest job. In our case, we created a stepwise system where I gradually become his beneficiary of that trust to a max 1/3 after 20 years. We are currently at year 17! The remainder is split evenly between his son and our son. It makes my husband feel better because his premarital assets remain intact with the majority passing to our kids. And I'm fine with being the breadwinner and saving less because it functionally acts like savings for me.

If anyone thinks this is too much, especially when there are step kids involved, I'll point out my income funded private school, college, and grad school for my stepson. Things my husband would have had to dig into the trust for had I not been in the picture. He stopped the big law lifestyle when he met me and was also able to spend much more time at home and with both kids.

It actually sounds like you got taken advantage of. Why didn't you make him fund his own lifestyle, provide for his own child, and at least cover half of your shared kid's expenses from the trust? That way, you could save and protect some of your earnings. It almost reads like you’re a wage slave in this marriage. I don't like it for you.

You don't know what the stepwise system gave her each year. She could have gotten stepwise a beneficiary share in the trust each year that would cover more than what she could have saved if he used money from the trust.

I would rather just keep my own money than “earn” into a family trust through years married. The whole setup is controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar, gender swapped, situation on a /much/ smaller scale. Even down to meeting my husband when I was finishing subspecialty training and just starting a lucrative partnership track job in my early 30's. Husband didn't want to touch trust, so we basically live off my income while his savings remains premarital assets and untouched and he works a modestly paid public interest job. In our case, we created a stepwise system where I gradually become his beneficiary of that trust to a max 1/3 after 20 years. We are currently at year 17! The remainder is split evenly between his son and our son. It makes my husband feel better because his premarital assets remain intact with the majority passing to our kids. And I'm fine with being the breadwinner and saving less because it functionally acts like savings for me.

If anyone thinks this is too much, especially when there are step kids involved, I'll point out my income funded private school, college, and grad school for my stepson. Things my husband would have had to dig into the trust for had I not been in the picture. He stopped the big law lifestyle when he met me and was also able to spend much more time at home and with both kids.

It actually sounds like you got taken advantage of. Why didn't you make him fund his own lifestyle, provide for his own child, and at least cover half of your shared kid's expenses from the trust? That way, you could save and protect some of your earnings. It almost reads like you’re a wage slave in this marriage. I don't like it for you.

Totally agree. What do you get out of this again? Incremental “forced savings” that aren’t necessarily under your control? Congrats on gaslighting yourself.

Also, I question the masculinity of any man who is just fine on living on his parents’ and wife’s assets. What an unsexy leech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is the prenup they’re discussing different from what would happen without a prenup? Trusts and inheritance are always separate aren’t they?

This.

This is a standard prenup. Basically they are saying her inheritance is not a marital asset. That is standard.

And if he does not want to support an expensive life style, he should live more frugally. Insist on saving enough for his retirement regardless of the trust. If she wants to spend more, she can spend the income from the trust, presumably, depending on the terms. Or she can get a job and that income will be considered a marital asset.

If he feels entitled to her trust fund money, that is a HUGE red flag and she should not marry him.

I bet you are the man's gold digging mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a similar, gender swapped, situation on a /much/ smaller scale. Even down to meeting my husband when I was finishing subspecialty training and just starting a lucrative partnership track job in my early 30's. Husband didn't want to touch trust, so we basically live off my income while his savings remains premarital assets and untouched and he works a modestly paid public interest job. In our case, we created a stepwise system where I gradually become his beneficiary of that trust to a max 1/3 after 20 years. We are currently at year 17! The remainder is split evenly between his son and our son. It makes my husband feel better because his premarital assets remain intact with the majority passing to our kids. And I'm fine with being the breadwinner and saving less because it functionally acts like savings for me.

If anyone thinks this is too much, especially when there are step kids involved, I'll point out my income funded private school, college, and grad school for my stepson. Things my husband would have had to dig into the trust for had I not been in the picture. He stopped the big law lifestyle when he met me and was also able to spend much more time at home and with both kids.

I have never heard of an inherited trust that would allow adding on a spouse as a beneficiary. Don't count on negotiating this, OP.