Trying to convince spouse to move away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just came to tell you that I sympathize so much with you. I think many probably empathize with you.

I think about relocating not so much for job prospects elsewhere but because living here amidst the violence & chaos the WH spews every say makes it feel more proximate.

Sometimes I think about moving to smaller, family friendly cities - Nashville, Charlotte, etc.

LOL, Charlotte has more people than DC and Nashville just as many. Shows what you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We left DC when I was pregnant. WORST EFF'ING DECISION OF MY LIFE. DH billed it as their great opportunity for us: cheaper, more professional opportunity for him, closer to faaaaaaaaamily.

I miss DC every day. While the city we moved to is marginally less expensive, at our income bracket it's not particularly noticable. The city is bland, the schools suck (so we're still paying for private), we're utterly car-dependant, and it turns out DH's mother and sister are exactly the people I thought they were, but DH tried to convince himself they are not: selfish, self-absorbed, lacking in general awareness of others,

To top it all off, DH's career stagnated after a few years, he suffered a terrible health crisis that might have been mitigated (if not outright avoided) if we lived in DC that has permanently affected us, and he lost his job in January.

We never should have left DC.

Ugh

[Anonymous]

Consider “selecting” a public school, rich gal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m looking for some advice. My husband and I currently live in NW DC. He works in financial services and I work in industry. We had a baby last year who will be an only due to our ages and preference. We have lived here for four years now. It fills me with complete dread to think about living here (the DMV) past year six or seven or around the time we need to start selecting a private school for our child. I do not want to raise our child here. Life feels difficult here and challenging. My husband is concerned that moving away from a major city will bring other challenges like a smaller economy, which is a reasonable concern. For those who have had to make this decision, what did you decide, how did you decide, and how is it going? Any advice is welcome.

Get away while you can. Once kids make friends in elementary school moving gets harder and harder. Move before they start school.

This is not the best place to raise a family- super expensive, lots of pressure, aging infrastructure and high taxes. Plus it’s a super transitory place- your friends will leave!

After 20 years I don’t feel at home here. And it gets worse every year.

Schools in MoCo are in terminal decline. DC may be better- but even in north west your kids will be battling the politics- there will be behavioral issues they see and keeping them away from violence etc requires private school.

I wish I had left about 10 years ago!

That said- it will get better once Trump is gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did not explain what you don’t like about DC, but given that this is your first child, I wanted to give you a word of caution. The childhood you (we) had does not exist anymore anywhere. My friends in California have their kid is travel ice hockey at 6…

Again, I don’t know what you don’t like about the DMV, but if it has to do with kids, you might not find what you want anywhere.

+ 1

I grew up in a lower COL red state and people down there are also signing their kids up for travel sports, worried about college admissions in the long term, schlepping their kids all over for activities, dealing with traffic/return to office, etc. And childcare isn’t really that much cheaper, especially compared to the lower incomes.

I agree with the PPs who suggest figuring out what you want. Also is there something particular about DC you don’t like or is it living in a city altogether that isn’t for you? Do you want more land? Do you want more neighborhood kids around? Do you want easier parking and less traffic? Do you want a cheaper area so you can SAH?

[Anonymous]

We randomly landed in a red state and live in a country club neighborhood with some of the best public schools in the country. If you said I would live here in college I would have laughed in your face. I’m a city girl through and through and lived abroad and in NYC and SF in my 20’s. But it’s easy, much easier than it would be to live in DC or NYC or LA. We have so many friends. Each of my children easily have 10 kids they are close with they can walk or bike to their house and play outside for hours a day. They see friends every day without me having to organize playdates. They are really active in organized team sports but also do tennis, golf and summer swim at the club down the street. People are down to earth and kind and it’s a very educated area. I feel like we randomly got lucky. My husband was transferred here and it was certainly not our first choice but I can’t imagine leaving. MCOL/bordering HCOL. Our house is about 1.2m (2500 sf on .4 acre lot)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We randomly landed in a red state and live in a country club neighborhood with some of the best public schools in the country. If you said I would live here in college I would have laughed in your face. I’m a city girl through and through and lived abroad and in NYC and SF in my 20’s. But it’s easy, much easier than it would be to live in DC or NYC or LA. We have so many friends. Each of my children easily have 10 kids they are close with they can walk or bike to their house and play outside for hours a day. They see friends every day without me having to organize playdates. They are really active in organized team sports but also do tennis, golf and summer swim at the club down the street. People are down to earth and kind and it’s a very educated area. I feel like we randomly got lucky. My husband was transferred here and it was certainly not our first choice but I can’t imagine leaving. MCOL/bordering HCOL. Our house is about 1.2m (2500 sf on .4 acre lot)

Happy it worked well for you. That sounds great.

[Anonymous]

We moved to flyover country a couple years ago for work. I was unhappy about it at the time. But the schools were great and we could afford a nice house in a nice neighborhood. And we never looked back.

I love DC. It’s a good area. I had a lot of friends. I also love where I am right now. It’s a good area and I have a lot of friends. Work is different. I’m definitely more corporate now and less government focused. The kids are happy. Things are convenient.

Take the leap.

[Anonymous]

We moved to the Midwest to be near family when my kids were 4 and 7. I’m so much happier here and glad we were not in DC for covid or the current situation. Job opportunities definitely are not as plentiful/lucrative even though we are in a major metro area.

[Anonymous]

OP as soon as your toddler is in preschool you will instantly feel like you have a community and are connected to where you live. We lived in nw when my oldest were babies through preschool. We had never felt connected to anyone in our neighborhood until our oldest two entered preschool. Suddenly we met neighbors with kids their age. Maybe bc we had a nanny who took them to the playground and activities but we had also tried to meet people. Suddenly there were tons of events and kids to do things with.
We ended up moving to Alexandria and as soon as we joined a pool and out third started preschool, we also instantly felt welcomed into a community.
I think you’re just at that age where you haven’t really found your community yet. I’d find a great preschool to start when your baby is 2.5 and you’ll find your people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had an answer, OP. The DC job market is hard to beat, security wise, for many of us.

We compromised by moving out to the exurbs where schools felt less stressful and life felt a little less chaotic.

For us, moving into the city and being able to walk to school and work made our lives infinitely easier. I grew up in the suburbs here and absolutely hated relying on rides and having a more fragmented community.
Are you one of these people who thinks that you need a 3,000 sq ft home and private schools for one child? DC’s public schools are generally great thru elementary. And your kid can test into a high performing HS. Your jobs make it sound like you could easily afford to live here. Live near the park, find a good ES, and you’ll find a good community. Not sure why you’re wringing your hands unless you think you need a $3M home.