Trying to convince spouse to move away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck OP. I could never get my DH to leave. And unlike in your marriage he is the primary breadwinner (big law.) We do live in Loudoun, which I think helps with academic pressure but there is still tons of "keeping up with Joneses" in terms of homes and cars and renos and travel, etc. Also youth sports are very competitive out here.

3 more years and youngest will be done with HS. At that point we may start spending part of each winter in Florida. We will see. I like my immediate neighbors and I have a couple great coworkers so that helps. I wouldn't have wanted to participate in parenting as a competitive sport closer into the city. It is bad enough out here.

Why do you feel you have to compete with anyone? We are probably the poorest of our friends and neighbors, and it doesn't really phase us except when we dream about one of us not working and deep cleaning the house. I guess a vacation house could be nice if you didn't work either; but if you both work who wants to go to the same place all the time?

I'm from a small southern town, and spouse is from NorCal -- neither of those options would be better choices than the DMV, trust me. Maybe if you were a multi-millionaire NorCal is feasible.

We have friends who moved White Plains, and it seems delightful. Good schools, lots of town events, good retail. College options are meh; VA and PA are better in state options.

You need to focus on jobs; moving someplace and that being the priority over financial stability is very short sighted and something you do in your 20s.

Your general attitude is somewhat juvenile, and your whole "I'm not coming back to this thread" schtick probably indicates we'll all be better off if you succeed in moving away.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op, what about Houston or Seattle?

[Anonymous]

When you write that life seems difficult and challenging…in what way? I don’t want to assume so can you share if your issue is a people issue, OP? If it is, it is understandable but also fixable. I also have a spouse who is reluctant to leave the area and I advise you to make the best decision for your child long-term. If you determine that is away from the DMV, then do some comprehensive feasibility research and present it to your DH. It’s hard to refute data and a tangible analysis.

I’ve seen NJ, MA and TX have great k-12 education systems; NYC, Chicago and San Francisco are well known for the financials sector. So you will need to do some homework on your feasible options. Maybe a visit to these areas would help. My spouse had to physically see our current city in order to be convinced that it was the right move. You know what will motivate your DH so lean into that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Op, what about Houston or Seattle?

Really ? Seattle is a tough town socially & very competitive regarding private schools.

Houston just isn't very nice. Only move to Houston for major bucks and/or to be close to family.

OP seems to be a bit childish, highly emotional & rude so it is difficult to recommend a location.

OP, most folks go where the jobs are and make it work. My feeling is that no place will satisfy you even though I do understand your desire to relocate.

[Anonymous]

OP got all huffy puffy a few pages ago and said she’s done with this thread. You all are wasting your breath.

[Anonymous]

US News ranks the top 250 places to live (my Google search was "best places in US to raise a family 2025").

https://realestate.usnews.com/places/rankings/best-places-to-live

[Anonymous]

Assuming that you both can find meaningful jobs in each location, do you want mountains, ocean, freshwater lakes, urban, arid desert, or another country.

Warm weather, cold weather, or don't care ?

Boise, Idaho is popular.

If I moved, I would want to be able to pay 100% for a desirable house. No mortgage, no rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP got all huffy puffy a few pages ago and said she’s done with this thread. You all are wasting your breath.

+1. I love how no one reads threads— they just start posting.

[Anonymous]

We moved after our first baby. In our case, my spouse was able to make way more outside of DC. Though it meant I had to give up my job.

[Anonymous]

I’ll try again, this time in all caps:

OP SAID AGES AGO THAT SHES DONE WITH THIS THREAD

[Anonymous]

Get out … trust your gut

[Anonymous]

My parents loved living in cities. I spent my formative years in Paris, breathing in pollution, dealing with gridlocked streets and crowded metro commutes, without much greenery in sight. My private international school was very rigorous, though!

Now I love living in well-heeled, leafy, sidewalked suburbs of major cities. It's the best of both worlds. I get the excellent public schools, and if I want to go into the city, I can.

Why don't you move to Bethesda/Chevy Chase/Potomac, or somewhere in NoVa that's close-in?

Or you can try to find a similar close-in suburb of any other major metropole...

[Anonymous]

We left DC when I was pregnant. WORST EFF'ING DECISION OF MY LIFE. DH billed it as their great opportunity for us: cheaper, more professional opportunity for him, closer to faaaaaaaaamily.

I miss DC every day. While the city we moved to is marginally less expensive, at our income bracket it's not particularly noticable. The city is bland, the schools suck (so we're still paying for private), we're utterly car-dependant, and it turns out DH's mother and sister are exactly the people I thought they were, but DH tried to convince himself they are not: selfish, self-absorbed, lacking in general awareness of others,

To top it all off, DH's career stagnated after a few years, he suffered a terrible health crisis that might have been mitigated (if not outright avoided) if we lived in DC that has permanently affected us, and he lost his job in January.

We never should have left DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll try again, this time in all caps:

OP SAID AGES AGO THAT SHES DONE WITH THIS THREAD

Sure she said that, but you know she's peeking on this active thread but too proud to post any reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had an answer, OP. The DC job market is hard to beat, security wise, for many of us.

We compromised by moving out to the exurbs where schools felt less stressful and life felt a little less chaotic.

This! There are suburbs where people are less competitive and intense. But you can still benefit from the job opportunities and amenities of DC. And since you mentioned private school, you should know you absolutely don’t have to play the competitive game. There are lots of schools in the DMV with nice communities that offer a great education without a pressure cooker environment. DCUM is not representative of most Washingtonians, though it’s easy to think the people on this board are the majority.